arrrgggghhhh!!!!!

beda budaya
beda ideologi
beda prinsip
beda semuanya.

lelah.

Novel lama yang ingin digarap kembali mari tes pembaca

The Hard Awakening

I weep my tears over my swollen eyes, sobbing for more and try to get up from the ground. I wave the grave in front of me then more tears fall down. I spent the night here last night and I don’t even wanna move and get out of this grave yard. I look down to see my dad’s graves once again before I leave and take one heavy step to walk to my real life.

It’s early November and the weather starts to chill, the tree has fallen their leaves and only left the branches which starts covered by the snow. As I walk by, the wind breeze through my ears, it’s weird that I didn’t feel really cold last night because of sleeping outdoor like that. For the North Sea weather, today’s temperature is quite warm. This is the perfect day to go out and have fun when the sun comes out pretty bright today.

I walk to the nearest train station to go home and have some real sleep at my flat. I sit and waited in the between two train lines and see some tourist ask the local guy about a restaurant by the harbor. Rotterdam is located in the south-east side of Netherlands and it’s connected right through the North Sea, and the restaurant they’re asking for located not too far from my district.

I hear the train from distance, as I get up and get ready to step behind the yellow line, a friend of mine called my name.

“Hello, Tobby.” Says my friend, a guy who works in a newspaper store near the train station. He’s opening the railing door.

“Hey, Timon.”

“Staying up late again?”

“Yeah, I fell asleep last night.” I walk away from my spot and came to him.

“Do you have any plan today?” He asks.

“Mmm... I must work tonight but for now no. why?”

“So you have time to come by for a cup of coffee, then.” He smiles.

I grin to him instead of nodding.

“Come inside.” Invite him.

When I enter his store the smell of new newspaper spread the whole room and I love the smell of it.

“As usual?” Timon breaks my day dreaming.

“Umm, yeah. Less sugar, please.”

“Okay, you can wait in my room, then.”

“Where’s your uncle?” I ask.

“Went out to harbor to pick up my granny, and won’t return until noon.”

I go to the back side of the store and go up to the second floor where he usually lives. I go straight to open the porch’s window and inhale the freezing wind. I take my favorite bean bag and sit on it. Timon’s room is a very tidy room with full capacity, and it’s a nice room for a guy. It’s not huge, but it’s not small either. His furniture is not too many but all his things has it’s own storage, makes a great room to hang out or to study together—we used to study together in here.

I turn on the TV and listen to the morning news as Timon walk in bring the coffee and its lovely smell that spread across the room.

Timon is one of my closest friends here in Netherlands, I’m not the native. I got transferred here from America four years ago. That time I was a very intelligent student so that my school wanted me to represent it for a student exchange. I was only 16 that time.

“Hey, you know what; I got a ticket from Riley to watch Jammie Cullum.” I grab my coffee from him.

“You don’t have to tell me if you only got one ticket.” He says, cynically. He sits on the wooden floor and relaxes his back.

“Riley has to go to Berlin so she gave me her ticket, and now I have two tickets, and I wonder, to whom I’m gonna share this ticket.” I raise my eyebrow.

“Well, you always have me.”

I smile. Timon is the only guy who could make me smile from my heart. He knows what I’ve been through and he understands. When I quitted school for being dropped out he was there for me. He and I share few similar things in our life. We are orphans, we never went to collage, we work alone to make a living, we just know what kind of real life we have.

“It’s next Saturday at Ajax Stadium. 8 p.m. You don’t have to pick me up, I’ll finish working on 6 and I’ll go straight ahead here, okay?”

“Sure.” He takes a sip of coffee. “By the way Tobb, I have a friend who needs a lady to be waitress in his wedding; do you wanna fill the spot?”

“How about the payment, and what kind of waitress??” I ask.

“500 Euro.”

“I see. Not an ordinary waitress then.”

“I think so. But, I’d prefer you don’t take the job.” Says him quick.

“Why?”

“Didn’t you say you wanna stop being a pub worker?”

“Well, yeah, but I need the money, okay. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice.”

“Money for what? You can live enough just being a newspaper girl, trust me. What is it that you’re trying to achieve?”

“Things that are worth a lot of money.”

“Such as?”

“Well, let’s say that’s outta your business.” I raised my eyebrows.

“So, you have a secret with me now??” Threat him.

“Just not the right time yet to tell you, but I promise I’ll tell you one day.” I wink.

Timon nods. “But I prefer you don’t have to take this job. I know that I’m nobody for you, but I really do want you to quit that kinda job. You know why? Our friends see you as a hooker, but I know you aren’t, and I just feel insecure with that title taped on your forehead. Please quit.” Beg him.

“Look, I’ll take it. No matter what, I never really cared about what other people say about me. I’m not a hooker and I don’t have to stick a ‘post-it’ that says “I’M A VIRGIN WHO NEEDS MONEY” to let them know that I’m not that kinda girl.” I say, a bit tempered.

Timon chocked.

“Excuse me, you’re a virgin??” Tease him.

“Why don’t you put it as a headline in the newspaper?” I say cynically.

“No. really?” He shows me a curious face like he doesn’t believe what he just heard.

“Well, you heard me.” I show him an angelic face.

“Swear to God?”

“Swear on my life.”

“Where did you learn those moves you made on the bar if you never had any experience of ‘serving’ a man?”

“Porn.” I say quickly.

“You’re unbelievable.” He grins.

“I’m real… And yeah, that’s the fact! If you tell anybody about that—especially those guys at the bar—then I’m gonna have to kill you.” I raise my eyebrows to let him know that I’m serious.

“What is it with them?”

“They’re always looking for a virgin Mary for God’s sake! And I don’t wanna lose that precious thing to one of those animals.”

Timon opens his mouth to try to say something but then he closes it again. I can see a strange shine in his eyes and I don’t know what that is.

“What?”

Timon shakes his head.

“C’mon, say it! What is it? I know you have something to say.” I push.

“I just feel insecure if you working like that.”

“Hey, you know me. I can take care of myself, okay? Don’t worry.”

He forced himself to nod.

“And about that job you just offered me, I’m in.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him that you’re in.”

“Thanks.” I spend my last gulp and intended to say good bye to him.

“Tobby, do you mind if I tell you the truth?” he asked. His voice lowered and he starts to hold his hands one another—things he does when he’s nervous.

“Truth about what?” I ask curiously.

“I…”

“Yeah? What is it?? C’mon! Don’t make me curious.” I push his shoulder.

“I… need your help today with these newspapers. I will be delighted if you wanna help me take it to the residents near your flat. It’s your fault. You wasted my time this morning.” He says. I know that; that wasn’t the thing he wanted to say to me, but I didn’t wanna push him to say it. Maybe he needs time.

“Okay, I’ll help you. Give me those newspapers.”

“I’ll get it first.”

My entire morning was spent by spreading newspapers among my flats and after I delivered the last one, I went straight to my flat to take shower and nap.

My place. Don’t imagine it as a cozy little sweet place for a princess to live. IT’S NOT. The room that I rent can only fit for one person. It has one bed, with my TV—which I never watched since it’s broken—hang on the wall. Next to my bed there’s a side table with an energy saving lamp on it. If I wanna go to the bathroom, all I need to do is take no more than three steps from the bed, same as if I want to get outta my room because the bathroom door and the front door place side by side and I can see my wardrobe which place opposite. How about my kitchen? I cook INSIDE my bathroom—thank God the water heater’s still running, since my heater has the same condition as my TV—now, one can imagine how tiny my room is.

I work at night and I sleep at day time. Absolutely not a morning person. If my parents know what I’m doing for money maybe they’ll be very disappointed and ashamed by me, but I have no choice, since they’re no longer exist in this world, I have to do something to keep myself alive. Being a pub girl is the only answer I had. I started this job two years ago, after I dropped out from school and realize that I will never get into the college I want to study Industrial Design as I always wanted, I knew that I had to do something to forget my disappointment of myself. Turned out I’m ashamed of myself even more, but there’s no turning back, so here I am, stranded in Netherlands away from home, doing anything to get some money to live and if possible collect the money to bring me back home. I wish I can share this painful story with somebody, but I can’t trust anybody anymore since what happened to my dad, not even Timon.

I’m awake at 5 P.M, when I played the answering machine I already got 5 messages. The first one came from the gas company, reminds me to pay my latest two-month bill or my gas will be cut off. Next came from my friends asking me to hang out with them, the other two aren’t too important and the last one came from Timon. It says: “Got you the job at the wedding. It’s a week from now and my friend wants to see everybody three days before the D-day.”

I exhaled, now what? Honestly, I’m tired of working like this. Some cynical asshole will say that I’m a whore and I don’t blame them for what they saw. I shake my booty almost every night at the bar, and sometimes I had these drunk men spank my butt, but believe me, I know my limits. The other job I have is working three times a week at starbucks as a barista. I pretty enjoy this job; I love coffee more than anything in the world, so working in this company absolutely completes my life.

Back to my life.

The question is why did I decide to work like this and don’t go to college like anybody else? Why I instead dropped out from high school? The story goes; I transferred here in Netherlands right after I lost my dad. There was no turning back to cancel the scholarship—yup! A scholarship. I was a great student back then—so I went away. I had trouble adjusting my new life in here. At first I got this beautiful apartment in the central of Rotterdam and every facility one could ever imagine, just a year later I broke it all apart.

One of the strict teachers caught me smoking pot during the free time. She took me to the principal’s office and the three of us discussed what kind of punishment I should have. The principal checked my data in his computer and he saw it all—since I got here, I had trouble understanding their language and it effected to my grades. How could I get a good score if I didn’t even know the lessons—and my grades never more than D average. He decided at that moment to take all facility I had—apartment, car, and a promising ticket to university—but he gave me another chance.

Fool me, I only kept his trust with me for a month. He found me using drugs in the lavatory and that was the end of my academic career.

Once I’m out, I gotta live all by myself. I was aware that time, that if I keep doing all of my bad habits—smoking pot, using drug, getting drunk—I will be dead within a year without someone even noticing, so I tried to make a better life.

Now if one asks me how do I feel, all I can say is that I wanna shout out loud and cry. I don’t wanna be like this. I feel so low for letting men enjoying my body or being paid for shaking my boobies and anything close to that. I feel dirty and the most problem of all is that I’m absolutely not that slut I told before. I even never had a real sex in my whole life—funny for my kinda job. The worst thing of this situation is that I have to sacrifice the only love I had left in my heart.

When I left America, I had a boyfriend there. He’s really mature and he said he could stand the long distance relationship so we’re on. The moment I dropped out from school I didn’t tell him. I couldn’t stand it if I had to have him feel sorry for me, until finally, I got this job I’m working right now from my friend, Riley. My boyfriend was a very sweet, nice guy and he’s really innocent if I may add, so tell me how am I supposed to be dared to lie to him every day? He’s so precious while I’m such a bitch; clear enough to show that he doesn’t deserve a girl like me. On the phone I said I couldn’t stand the long distance relationship any longer because sometimes I might need him beside me while he couldn’t be there, he understood and said that’s okay as long as I’m happy with it. He said he would do anything for the sake of my happiness. If he’d only know that he’s the only happiness I had.

TO BE CONTINUED..

aneh.

orang yang biasanya make sure gue selamat sampai tujuan
lebih milih gue terlantar di trotoar malem-malem
karena lima belas menitnya terlalu berharga
buat orang yang nggak tau apa-apa tentang masa depan

for now..

I'll let go my hope
then turn down my faith
for there's nothing more i can do
to help you to reach you dreams

renungan malam

agak aneh semua akhir-akhir ini..
yang biasanya gampang jadi susah..
yang biasanya tenang jadi gelisah..
semua menimbulkan pertanyaan..
pertanyaan yang menakutkan untuk dijawab..

setelah ngejalanin masa denial akhirnya harus dihadapin juga..
kalau ternyata rasa penyesalan itu nggak pernah hilang..
rasa itu cuman terkubur sementara, bukan selamanya..
sayangnya rasa itu yang ngerusak semuanya..
dan rasa itu justru menambah daftar pertanyaan yang mengerikan..

tapi pertanyaan itu nggak akan terjawab langsung sekarang..
karena jawabannya harus melalui proses..
hal terburuk dari proses adalah tidak ada pergerakan..
tapi hal terbaiknya adalah sebuah pencapaian..
sekarang tinggal lihat kedepan dan mulai jalan..

dan tentunya mulai menjawab..

dari ayu

hmm.. dari nenek ke ayu, sekarang ke gue..
10 hal tentang litya:

1. di mulai dari yang standart dulu. lahir di jakarta 8 juli 88. anak pertama dari dua bersaudara. keturunan sunda-jawa-menado-belanda. tk mini pak kasur, sdi harapan ibu, smp al-izhar, sma al-izhar, fsrd itb jurusan desain produk '06.
2. suka bgt sama CLAY AIKEN, dengan alasan yang beberapa diantarannya pernah dibahas. sukanya mulai dari kelas 1 sma, waktu itu dia masih di american idol. dan sampai detik ini, insyaallah update tentang dia gue masih tau, dan jelas nggak nolak kalo ada yang mao ngasih info tambahan.
3. nulis sama ngayal itu kerjaan rutin kayanya. cuman mungkin nulisnya udah ngak sesering dulu aja.
   
4. pengen bgt dapet kerja di IKEA. ya ampun, kalo sampe muka gue nongol di katalognya rasanya pengen ngajak tumpengan se-DP deh!!
5. sering ngomongin hal2 "serius" macem masa depan dan lain sebagainya dan selalu excited sekaligus takut untuk ngadepin itu.
6. oiya.. gue punya boneka jerapah kesayangan gue, namanya raffy.. dan saking cintanya gue sama si raffy ada mantan gue yang kayanya nganggep gue super freak dan autis karena ini *curhat colongan*
7. orangnya bosenan sangat!! dalam waktu satu jam gue bisa baca buku, trus nonton tv, trus ngerajut, trus bikin2 sesuatu yang nggak jelas dan kembali lagi ke baca buku cuma karena setiap kegiatan yang tadi gue sebut itu bisa nimbulin kebosanan buat gue hanya dalam waktu kurang dari sepuluh menit.
8. BENCI PERJALANAN-JAUH DARAT!!! sumpah ya, apalagi kalo macet. masyaallah.. faktor mabok darat diikuti dengan nggak tahan duduk lama2 trus ketahan nggak bisa ngapa2in dalam jarak dan waktu tertentu..
9. entah kenapa gue terobsesi sama lampu. kalo dikasih tugas APAPUN itu, pasti yang pertama gue pikirin lampu.
10. pengan belajar bahasa belanda. ada yang tau nggak dimana les bahasa belanda di bandung??

it's not gonna change anything

[COPY-PASTE FROM PEOPLE.COM]

WITH MY VERY OWN COMMENT AT THE BOTTOM--THE BROWN ONE

People Exclusive

Clay Aiken: I'm a Gay Dad

By David Caplan
Originally posted Wednesday September 24, 2008 07:00 AM EDT

Following the Aug. 8 birth of his son Parker, singer Clay Aiken is following through on a promise he made to himself as a new dad: to publicly acknowledge that he's gay.

"It was the first decision I made as a father," Aiken, 29, tells the upcoming issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday. "I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn't raised that way, and I'm not going to raise a child to do that."

Aiken says he expects the news may overwhelm some of his fans. "Whether it be having a child out of wedlock, or whether it be simply being a homosexual, it's going to be a lot," said Aiken, who returned to Broadway last week as Sir Robin in Monty Python's Spamalot.

He adds that he hopes his fans "know that I've never intended to lie to anybody at all. ... But if they leave, I don't want them to leave hating me."

How He Came Out to His Family

The born-again Christian singer also reveals how he told his mother Faye he's gay four years ago. After dropping off his younger brother Brett, who was being deployed to Iraq, at Camp Lejeune, "I started crying in the car," Aiken remembers. "It was dark. I was sitting there, thinking to myself. I don't know why I started thinking about it ... I just started bawling. She made me pull over the car and it just came out."

So what was his mom's reaction? "She started crying. She was obviously somewhat stunned. But she was very supportive and very comforting." Even now, Aiken admits, "She still struggles with things quite a bit, but she's come a long way."

As for his own child, Aiken tells PEOPLE that Parker – who was conceived via in vitro fertilization with his best friend, music producer Jaymes Foster – will be raised in an environment that is "accepting and allowing him to be happy."

Says Aiken: "I have no idea if he'll be gay or straight. It's not something I'll have anything to do with, or that he'll have anything to do with. It's already probably up inside the code there ... No matter what the situation you're in, if you're raised in a loving environment, that's the most important thing."

For the first photos of Parker and more of Clay's deeply candid interview about fatherhood, coming out, and his message for the Claymates, pick up the upcoming issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.



YEAAAA...
so what?? he's still one of the nicest person on earth..
he's being true to himself..
it's even harder on his side than ours to judge..
he struggled, but then he lost..
and one thing for sure,
it doesn't change anything..
i still admire him the way i was..
and more applause for you CLAYTON, to stand up and be who you are..

20 september.

buka puasa,

SETAHUN yang lalu..

ga kerasa ya..

pengen "puasa" lagi

apa yang paling di tunggu di bulan puasa????
JAM BUKA!!!

Hhh.. setaun yang lalu:
rasanya ke motivasi banget puasa
(catetan gue orang yang puasa semaonya, kalo nggak mood, ya nggak puasa)
pulang kuliah ada yang nungguin
ada yang ngajakin buka
ada yang ngajak masak bareng
sahur dibangunin
INTINYA kemotivasi lah...

saat ini:
kuliah berangkat sendiri
pulang kapan juga ga ada yang peduli
buka dimana dan sama siapa juga terserah
beli makanan jadi yang seadanya
sahur diketok sama mba ai
SEPI, ilang susana yang dulu...

sekarang orang yang bikin puasa gw jadi lumayan bewarna udah pergi
sibuk sama kegiatan sendiri
dia pergi ke jalan suci dia
dan gue bertahan dengan pendirian gue

salah ya kalau gue belum terketuk sekarang?
gue memang ga suci dan islami,
tapi gue mao ko buka puasa bareng lagi..

that sacred sentence

now what do i do anyway in this house..
when a house is not a home anymore..
it used to be so nice with a very warm welcome
but now whenever i come
only tears i shed and no more charm..

i miss hearing "when will you go home? we miss you"
i always look forward for that smile when i arrived at the town..
instead of those,
what i got was all the victorious story of else's
that pointed on my face as saying i'm the second best..

now i have never been a pride for you
still, i try to prove i have a courage
then again you sunk me into this misery
when you talked to me like i have nothing to give
as if all i have was only troubles for you..

luckily, i never heard that you're sorry for delivering me out to this world
yet sometimes it hurt to know my gifts for you meant nothing
compare to the prizes he gave you..
the saddest part is, i'm old i'm too old to talk about this stuff
i'm now twenty and have to stand tall on my two foot..

if only i can let you know
how much preasure you give me..
if only i can ask for more of you cradle..
and just once for my lifetime
i wanna hear you say, "i'm proud of you, my daughter"

the first seven months

1^st month

He’ll take you places just to spent times together

He’ll try to get to know you better

Then he said your flaws was something great

Cos I meant you’re acting just the way you are

2^nd month

He started to say I love you

He’ll be there for you whenever you need him

Then you started to trust him

And started to be more opened

3^rd month

You made some commitment with him

You realized that you drove him nuts

But no matter what

He said its okay, I understand

4^th month

You had squabble here and there

Your soul troubled somehow

He feels the same anyhow

But still try to make you feel better

5^th month

He didn’t open up when you ask about his past

He said his story was too hurt to be told

You felt like somehow you don’t belong

That maybe these are just another wrong

6^th month

After you talked, he started to opened up

He started saying I love you again

You were so glad

That your hard work has paid off

7^th month

When you cry he wouldn’t care too much

For him your tear was nothing compare to his burden

Each conversation has a bitter end, no more quality times

Each day ended up by feeling upset about each other

(and finally you chose not to see him for a little while but it didn't work out well)

another jumat keramat

HOW TO SAVE A LIFE

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

i know nothing about it, yeah...
but i think i worth a try..
why you chose not to let me handle you and your world?

miss my home

This grown up lady outside

is a little girl after all

who needs her momma cooking to make her glad

and some daddy wise words to cheer her up

sometimes,

she wants to get back the security she used to have

when everyday she comes home

step into her comfort zone

now, she's out there all by herself

no more warm chicken soup

no more wisdom

no more home



so ma..

please remember to cook me something special when i get home

tell daddy that i'm still his little girl

and welcome me with the warmth of home

*i want to turn back time
to those moment i took for granted..
i wish i'd enjoy it more when i was there..
miss you guys so much..

KENAPA????

Kemaren jam 7 pagi gue dah nongol di kampus..

Untuk apa???

KULIAH AGAMA.

Ngantuuuuuuuukkkk, pake acara tes baca Quran lagi!

Untung dosennya seru,

Abis agama, berlanjut ke praktek bengkel bersama pa imam dammar djati.

Jadi kuliah ini dibagi jadi 2 sesi,

Sesi sebelum solah jumat

Dan setelah solat jumat.

Sesi sebelum sangat santai dan menyenangkan.

Pas jam 11, guw ma kedua temen gue

Makan siang di warung padang di gelap nyawang.

Abis makan kita memutuskan masih ada satu setengah jam buat jalan-jalan

Akhirnya kita ke vertex, beli DVD.

Balik ke kampus untuk sesi selanjutnya.

MASYAOWLOH!!!

3 jam rasanya lamaaaaaaa bgt.

Belom lagi gw pake acara disindir gara-gara kaki gw naek ke kursi.

Tapi yasudahlah dosen kan memang sukanya begitu.

Biarlah dia senang dengan memojokkan mahasiswanya

(yang seharusnya ga perlu dilakukan)

Intinya, gue merasa sangat cape kuliah dari jam 7pagi-4sore. Nonstop.

Fulltime gitu.

Selese kuliah maen ke tempat pacar,

Jam 9 pulang ke kosan.

Dah ngingetin pacar buat ga ganggu gue sampe jam 11

Gue mao tidur dengan puasnya,

Tiba-tiba..

JAM 8.

DOOKKKDOOKKKKDOOOKKDOOOKKKDOOOKK!!!

DOKKDOOKKKDOOK

………………….

DOOOKKKDOOKKDOOK

Plafon kosan gue dibenerin,

Dan tempatnya PERSIS DI ATAS KAMAR GUE!!!

Anjing!!!!

Gue mao cuek tapi itu memang berisik,

Tapi mao bangun juga masih ngantuk!!

Asli, kalo lo tinggal di kosan gue,

Di hari libur( sabtu-minggu)

Ketika lo berharap bisa bangun agak siang,

Pasti ada aja yang ganggu.

Biasanya kalo hari minggu,

Si om fredi(yang punya kosan)

Bakal manasin motor yang di gasnya kenceng banget!!

Padahal jarak tu motor sama kamar guw lumayan jauh,

Tapi berisiknya masi nyampe.

Nah, sekarang, ada tukang yang getok-getok plafon gue!!!

Sumpah, masi cape..

mao nonton DVD berisik,

mao tidur lagi ga mungkin,

bahkan mao browsing aja jadi ga konsen!!!

SHIT!!!

Amit-amit

Hal-hal yang paling gak gue harapin terjadi sama sahabat-sahabat gue:

Pribadi 1.

PAMER.

Dulu gaya hidupnya biasa aja.

Terus karena terpengaruh,

Tiba2 dy jadi konsumen tetap toko-toko elit

Sebut saja “___,________,______,” dan kawan-kawan.

Dulu kalo pulang sekolah make angkot.

Tiba-tiba alergi kalo angkutan umumnya ga pake AC.

Tiap hari harus dijemput,

Mendadak lupa sama angkot ibu kota

Dan lupa masa susah.

Pribadi 2

LUPA TANAH AIR

Lahir dan tinggal di pertiwi tercinta

Lalu kenal dengan luar negeri

(memang sih, luar negeri lebih nyaman)

Tapi selalu membandingkan dengan negeri lain

“kalo disini si lebih enak”

“kalo ini lebih murah”

“kalo ini lebih bersih”

Pribadi 3

TIDAK JUJUR DENGAN DIRI SENDIRI

Manusia kan punya karakter masing-masing

Ya nggak usah ikutan image orang lain untuk fit in

Kalo memang nyamannya kucel, ya kucel aja.

Jangan tiba-tiba pake gaun pesta kemana-mana

Tapi ga bisa berenti ngaca karena takut ada yang ga pas dandanannya.

Untungnya temen-temen gue masih pada inget masa susah, masih pada cinta ma Negara kita, dan alhamdulillah pada jujur dengan diri mereka apa adanya…

Miss you guys…

Kenapa Clay??

1. SUARA MENURUT GUE BAGUS

Pertama kali gue denger dia nyanyi, lagu yang dia nyanyiin judulnya “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me” milik Sir Elton John. Dengan tarikan nada di sana-sini dan improvisasi yang PAS ditambah dengan pembawaannya yang rendah hati, membuat gue langsung nge-tek dia buat jadi pemenang American Idol Season 2. sayang hal ini tidak terjadi.

2. SELERA GUE YANG MEMANG KAYAK GITU

Yup, gue ngerti semua masalah selera. Orang-orang nanya ke gue: “apa coba Lit bagusnya Clay secara fisik?” jawabannya karena kupingnya yang super gede, rambut merah yang warnanya agak heboh(sebelum di cat sama hairdresser), badan tinggi kaya korek api, kaki extra besar dengan ukuran 13, aksen southern yang lucu dan menggemaskan, senyum yang selalu ikhlas, sorot mata yang adem, dan terutama BIBIR TIPIS yang mengundang.

3. HE'S ACTUALLY SMART

Dari segi pendiidkan, dia sarjana special education yang artinya memang dy mendalami ilmu untuk berurusan dengan kids with disabilities. Dari segi hiburan, coba aja cek dia di youtube pas dia ikut acara “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?” He Uses Logic.

4. DIA ADALAH GURU ANAK-ANAK AUTIS

Karena itu dia jadi UNICEF EMBASSADOR terutama buat Negara-negara di afrika. Selain itu, dia punya yayasan sendiri yang namanya “The Bubel-Aiken Foundation” yang konsenterasinya ngurusin anak-anak yang terlahir kurang sempurna, misalnya anak autis, down syndrome, dan lain-lain.

5. MASA LALUNYA SANGAT INSPIRATIONAL

Klasik banget si memang, tapi kalo baca biography dia yang berjudul “Learning To Sing” pasti akan terhibur sendiri. Dengan masa lalu dia dengan bokapnya dan bokap tirinya, terus temen-temen SMA dia, walaupun terlihat agak sinis dari segi bahasa, cara dia menyikapi masa lalunya yang bisa dibilang suram itu memang inspirational.

6. DIA BAIK DAN NGGAK MAU BIKIN ORANG LAIN KECEWA

Buktinya ditengah jadwal yang mepet dia masih sempet nyengir buat foto sama gue. (Kalo diceritain jadi sangat panjang, intinya kata-kata “all right, for one quick shoot” sangat berarti buat gue). Tanggal 17 Maret 2005 di Hotel Le Meridien Jakarta. Gue ga akan lupa.

7. DY SUMBER INSPIRASI GUE BIKIN CERITA.

Waktu SMA kelas satu, gue butuh pengalih perhatian dari acara “baru putus”, gue memang terbiasa melampiaskan semua dalam tulisan. Akhirnya, gue bikin novel setebal 118 halaman dengan CLAY sebagai tokoh utamanya.

8. QUOTE CLAY YANG SANGAT MEMBATU GUE KELUAR DARI MASA SULIT

“God Never Closes One Door Without Opening Another”

“Nobody’s perfect, but we are all born with gives. I have struggles, I have satisfaction, I have been abandoned, I have been loved. I have lost many times than I have won. The greatest glory never comes from winning, but from raising each time you fall.”

Itulah beberapa alesan why i think Clay Aiken is Such A Beautiful Man With A Heart Of Gold.

Mengenang Masa Bangsat Namun Manis

Pernah ngerasa ga si kalo ternyata selama ini lo sia-siain hidup yang udah dikasih tuhan sama lo? Memang sifat dasar manusia kan nggak pernah puas sama apa yang dia milikin. Sifat ini juga sepaket dengan kondisi manusia yang nggak pernah sadar akan apa yang dia punya, sebelum sesuatu itu hilang.

Sekarang gw dah kuliah, umur udah 19 tahun, 5 bulan lagi jadi 20 tahun. Tapi sebenernya di dalam diri gw yang paling dalem, gw masi pengen jadi anak SMA.

Kenapa anak SMA? Karena pas SMA kita mengira kalo hidup kita tuh udah susah banget. Tiap pagi harus bangun pagi, terus ngerjain PR, kalau ada ulangan belajar, terus ada acara musuhan sama temen, belom lagi kalo udah tingkat akhir. Kita pasti mulai disibukkan dengan les ini-itu, bimbel sana bimbel sini, ngerjain soal-soal, Cuma untuk dapet satu kata “LULUS” (yang saat ini makin dipersulit dengan standart kelulusan yang semakin tinggi dan jumlah mata pelajaran yang lebih banyak—tabah ya adik-adikku.) terdengar susah dan memuakkan? JELAS. Tapi itu semua setara dengan kebahagiaan yang lo dapet ketika SMA.

Okeh, ketika GW SMA.

Gue ga akan bilang kalo masa SMA gw adalah masa-masa paling indah yang dilewatkan dengan hura-hura, pergi dari mall satu ke mall lain, ato dateng ke party-party, dan lain sebagainya selayaknya anak SMA gaul. Masa SMA gw kebalikan dari semua itu. Gue dateng ke sekolah, belajar, pulang sekolah langsung pulang. Dulu gue selalu mikir kalo kebebasan gue udah direnggut sama orangtua gue, tapi sekarang, gue akan ngasih apa aja supaya gue bisa tinggal sama orangtua gue lagi, pulang ke rumah yang sama setiap hari, disambut makanan rumah yang selalu nikmat, hiduplo serba teratur, dan selama lo tetap berjalan sesuai jadwallo, hiduplo ga akan acak-acakan.

But everybody has to grow up, right??

I Miss That Place...