tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42524265280533395412024-02-08T01:06:42.579+07:00..Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger486125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-80188393310915744292021-05-30T09:28:00.006+07:002022-11-17T15:07:36.610+07:00inconvenient truth (recap)<p><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dari segala </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana;">stages of grieve</i><span style="font-family: verdana;">, mungkin memang yang paling lama dicapai sama semua manusia itu bagian </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana;">acceptance</i><span style="font-family: verdana;">. Di cerita saya yang terakhir, saya bilang kalau saya sedang berproses dengan bagian itu, nyatanya sampai detik ini saya masih ragu apakah saya sudah menerima/ikhlas dengan apa yang terjadi.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="4a8f66cd4307b321b0af3db931a07dca" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Satu minggu ini saya uring-uringan, rasanya hampa dan aneh banget. Sedih, tapi nggak sedih-sedih amet. Marah, tapi nggak gimana-gimana banget. Kecewa juga yaaa datar aja. Untuk ngerangkum semuanya, saya mau tulis dengan runut aja kali ya. Harapannya saya bisa menjalani ulang kisah singkat ini dalam sekali jalan lewat tulisan, lalu memproses semuanya dengan lebih bijaksana.</span></p><p data-p-id="f94faa91026f393991d1f4dcb486f791" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Cerita saya sebenarnya dimulai sekitar tahun 2017-an, saya lupa tepatnya bulan apa. Waktu itu saya sudah menikah dua tahun, lalu saya dan suami mulai mencari-cari dokter kandungan karena selama ini kami nggak pernah pakai KB atau apapun dan belum punya keturunan.</span></p><p data-p-id="d3f3cf1bbf0b7935a390a483f904421b" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya pernah cerita sebelumnya tentang si dokter laknat yang pertama. Kebetulan dokter pertama yang kami temui kayak dokter kaga niat praktek, bisa dibaca sendiri di postingan sebelumnya tentang gimana itu dokter menjelaskan apa itu kista dengan cara Googling dan <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">tendeng aling-aling</i> langsung nyuruh operasi. Jelasinnya nggak sabar, nggak profesional, nggak punya alat peraga, nyari keterangan kista <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">literally</i> di Google, aduh nggak banget lah! Merasa dokter pertama nggak beres, saya dan suami langsung angkat kaki dan nggak pernah balik lagi.</span></p><p data-p-id="f733f0f5077dbda2df8febcc30c1f7e6" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Petualangan dilanjutkan ke dokter kedua. Dokter ini secara perkerjaan sih baik, beliau menyelamatkan saya dari operasi kista yang nggak perlu dikerjain (karena ternyata kista yang sama dokter pertama disuruh operasi hanya pengumpalan darah pas saya mau haid), tapi saya punya masalah dengan cara komunikasinya. Dokter ini kalau bicara bentak-bentak, ngomongnya cepet, terus kalau saya tanya ulang karena belum paham penjelasan sebelumnya, jawabnya ketus dan terlihat <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">annoyed</i> gitu ditanya ulang... sebagai orang yang cenderung banyak tanya kalau urusan kesehatan, saya merasa tertekan dan pada akhirnya saya ngambek nggak mau ketemu sama dokter ini lagi. Sebut saja saya baperan, terserah... tapi kalau udah urusan sama masalah sensitif fertilitas (yang <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i>-nya menuntut saya buka celana dan ngangkang di depan orang asing), saya berhak merasa nyaman dan aman dengan siapa pun yang memeriksa.</span></p><p data-p-id="38358bb4376e0d9b992c1032a4cc5b81" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Setelah urusan kista-kistaan selesai (dan masih trauma dibentak-bentak dokter kedua), saya memutuskan mau menyerahkan nasib pada takdir saja. Biar Tuhan yang berkerja, kalau sudah waktu dan rezekinya, pasti dikasih, kalau tidak dikasih ya berarti belum rezekinya. Nyatanya setahun lebih rahim saya tetap 'kosong', saya sama suami sebenarnya masih santai, tapi orang tua kami mulai bawel. Alhasil sebagai anak yang berbakti, kami nurut deh... "pijit di sini", "urut di sana", "cobain minum ini", "solat dan minta sama Tuhan", daaaaannn masih banyak lagi lagu serupa yang terlontar dari mulut mereka—dan kami ikutin. Akhirnya di akhir tahun 2018, telinga saya dan suami panas sendiri. Cape dengerin saran-saran tidak solutif, muak ditanya "sudah isi?" tiap lebaran, segan menghindar dari segala acara keluarga. Tahun 2018 kami liburan dan kami janji pada satu sama lain bahwa selesai liburan kami akan mencari dokter baru dan coba <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i> sungguhan.</span></p><p data-p-id="535c2be44ef4ee369c96e379cda52e7c" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Alhamdulillah kami ketemu dokter yang cocok. Dokternya sopan, baik, sabar ngejelasin, dan sangat komunikatif. Saya merekomendasikan dokter ini pada siapa pun yang butuh dokter kandungan di area Jakarta sih. Awal periksa sama dokter ini, saya dikasih obat antibiotic, beliau sedikit curiga dengan adanya polip dalam dinding rahim saya, tapi masih mencoba melakukan <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i> luar saja tanpa perlu operasi. Sayangnya dua bulan kemudian <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i> itu tidak memberi hasil yang diharapkan dan ujung-ujungnya saya tetap operasi.</span></p><p data-p-id="aafe5f7d7717659e35f97ae760429c09" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Gimana rasanya operasi? Takut sih enggak, tapi malu. Saya dibawa ke ruang OK masih dalam keadaan sadar. Disuruh berbaring di atas meja operasi, kaki disuruh angkat tinggi, ngangkang, bagian bawah itu terekspos sama semua dokter dan ners yang ada di sana. Sebenarnya tiap saya kontrol dan periksa, saya juga buka celana, ngangkang, dan pasrah aja sih pas alat USG dalam dimasukin lewat vagina saya. Tapi kalau di ruang dokter, biasanya saya dikasih kain buat nutupin bagian itu, jadi rasanya nggak seterekspos pas operasi. Pas operasi tuh... hahaha... aduh gimana ya jelasinnya biar pada kebayang? Kan tiduran tuh, terus di bagian bawah meja operasi ada dua cantelan yang bentuknya ngepas buat naro kaki, kaki taro di sana, selangkangan terbuka lebar, dan muka dokter mejeng persis di depan 'itu'. Selain malu, saya kedinginan juga sih. Ruang OK kan AC-nya dasyat ya... yaampun, untung dibius. Kalau nggak dibius kayaknya makin traumatis.</span></p><p data-p-id="2557d0046c43f5c2c39f73973ee7abaa" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tuntas operasi kami lanjut <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i>. Segala obat hormon, suntikan yang sekali tusuk berharga jutaan, obat yang bikin GERD saya kambuh sampai lemas selemas-lemasnya karena muntah terus... semua kami jalanin. Secara fisik, memang sakit... tapi secara mental, itu semua jauh lebih menyiksa. Kebayang nggak sih? Ngeliat suami sendiri nahan emosi tiap kita kesakitan, ngeliat suami kecapean nganterin ke dokter dan nunggu berjam-jam, ngeliat suami tetep senyum (pahit) saat istrinya disuruh buka celana dan ngangkang untuk kesekian kalinya di atas kursi laknat ala dokter kandungan... apa yang saya lewatin berat, tapi ujian mental buat suami saya juga tidak kalah berat.</span></p><p data-p-id="401f9a7aa8d7baa28bd819e1f1837725" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Dari runutan <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i> itu, akhirnya dokter mengusulkan inseminasi buatan (IUI). Teorinya, dari sisi saya dipancing supaya sel telur yang dihasilkan lebih dari satu, dari suami saya dikasih vitamin yang menghasilkan sperma berkualitas, kedua sel itu dipertemukan lewat bantuan dokter di ruang tindakan. Bedanya dengan IVF (bayi tabung) apa? Dalam IVF, sel telur dan sperma ditemukan dalam tabung, diobservasi sampai jadi embrio, lalu embrio itu dimasukkan kembali ke rahim. Dalam IUI, sperma disuntikkan ke rahim dan sisanya tinggal berdoa kedua sel itu bertemu dan menjadi embrio. Jadi secara biaya, IUI seperlima biaya IVF, karena memang tidak serumit IVF.</span></p><p data-p-id="b02468abe2e13f75bb42cb3a13053739" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tapi tetep... posisi ya seperti ini. Saya berbaring di meja itu, kaki digantung di cantelan bawah, selangkangan terbuka lebar, dokter duduk di depan saya dengan muka beliau persis di depan vagina buat nyuntikin sperma yang sudah dipilih di lab beberapa jam sebelumnya.</span></p><figure contenteditable="false" style="box-sizing: border-box; cursor: default; margin: 0px; position: relative;"><p data-image-layout="one-horizontal" data-media-type="image" data-p-id="2cd896a27aa1cbceaafb9cee3e6561ac" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Source Sans Pro", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 30px 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img alt="Saya berbaring di meja itu, kaki digantung di cantelan bawah, selangkangan terbuka lebar, dokter duduk di depan saya dengan muka beliau persis di depan vagina buat nyuntikin sperma yang sudah dipilih di lab beberapa jam sebelumnya" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="562" height="630" src="https://img.wattpad.com/99c9ef87b172d6dea55eaafa962e125de0c06b43/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f753064616e496937484e53726b773d3d2d313035373233353639352e313637366435333937346530386238613836363934383030383634372e706e67?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle;" width="562" /></span></p></figure><p data-p-id="a93289e28134403463de0805bcf78e96" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Malu? Malu banget! Ngangkang diliatin banyak orang, 'itu' saya dipegang-pegang para ners yang membantu, apalagi kali ini dalam keadaan sadar! Tapi ya jalanin aja, yekan... namanya juga usaha.</span></p><p data-p-id="042c7e1ad1da6ccd8705faf863090394" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Persiapan IUI pertama yang saya lakukan benar-benar mendebarkan (mungkin faktor karena saya belum tahu apa yang harus saya jalani kali yaa). Setiap minggu saya ke rumah sakit untuk pantau ukuran sel telur, di waktu itu sel telur yang terlihat matang ada 2 buah, obat-obatan yang saya konsumsi luar biasa banyaknya, dan setelah inseminasi selesai, dimulailah 2 minggu penantian kepastian. Jujur, ini yang nyiksa saya. Melihat dan mendengar orang tua saya udah berkhayal ini-itu kalau <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">baby</i>-nya datang merupakan siksaan batin terberat. Saat saya mencoba <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">testpack</i> dan melihat garis satu, saya pun bingung bagaimana menyampaikan ke mereka bahwa mimpi mereka itu harus dibuang jauh-jauh.</span></p><p data-p-id="d40b482036ceee319478a513ea7c6aaf" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Gagal dengan IUI pertama, dokter suruh saya istirahat satu bulan. Nyatanya saya dan suami istirahat sampai 3 bulan lamanya saking cape bolak-balik ke RS. Ehhhh... covid muncul! Makin deh kami nggak berani ke RS.</span></p><p data-p-id="45b45e363a0b36c0c7788eb8013bdeaa" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Lalu dalam masa covid dan karantina, tiba-tiba keajaiban muncul. Saya uring-uringan karena nggak haid dan pas saya iseng pakai <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">testpack</i>, ternyata positif. Nah lho! Apakah benar apa yang dibilang orang-orang? Bahwa ketika kita mencoba dan pasrah, mukzizat datang?</span></p><p data-p-id="85243f3c75f9dfb1c525b3ddf7d0fda6" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Dengan berbekal hasil <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">testpack</i> positif dan masih dalam mode setengah nggak percaya, kami <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">gear up</i> dan memberanikan diri menemui dokter lagi. Pas diperiksa, ternyata benar... saya positif. Ada kantung telur dalam rahim saya dan itungannya sudah lima minggu. Apakah saya dan suami langsung jejingkrakan? Tidak... kami masih sama-sama merasa ada yang mengganjal dari berita baik itu. Gatau kenapa, saya sama dia tuh kompak aja gitu nggak langsung hip-hip hore. Nah, karena dokter tahu kondisi rahim saya gimana, beliau meminta kami datang tiap minggu untuk dipantau, dan tiap minggu beliau menyuntikkan obat penguat kandungan. Harga suntikannya? Sejuta <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">something</i>... jadi tiap minggu abis minimal dua jutaanlah kalau dihitung dengan ongkos dan biaya konsultasi. Tapi apalah artinya uang segitu kalau apa yang selama ini ditunggu muncul, kan? Kuras tabungan juga rela, sebab prinsipnya uang bisa dicari, tapi kesempatan seperti ini mungkin hanya terjadi satu kali.</span></p><p data-p-id="40a610c76117fe849bfc02f3914b95f5" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Bagian yang cukup bikin kami mikir setelah periksa ke dokter adalah mengumumkan ke orang tua. Apakah sebaiknya dikasih tahu saja, atau tunggu nanti? Kami putuskan untuk tunggu pemeriksaan minggu depan, baru kalau memang masih sama diagnosanya kasih tahu orang tua. Minggu depannya kami periksa (dan suntik), hasilnya masih sama, ukuran kantung telurnya membesar... sepertinya beneran hamil nih! Akhirnya kami beri tahu orang tua. Senyum di wajah ayah saya, tangis haru ibu saya... nggak akan pernah bisa saya lupain. Mereka sama-sama berusaha dengan kami, sama-sama berdoa, sama-sama paham susahnya kayak apa (karena dulu mereka juga dapetin adik saya melewati derita yang sama dengan apa yang saya lewatin dengan suami sekarang)... dan akhirnya semua penantian mereka terjawab.</span></p><p data-p-id="4a834d891d01bdc9047a45b286089fb2" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Sayangnya saya harus membuat mereka kecewa. Sebab seperti yang saya tulis di postingan sebelumnya, ternyata saya mengalami <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">blighted ovum</i>. Apa itu? Sebuah keadaan di mana sel telur dan sperma ketemu, kantung telurnya ada, tapi tidak ada embrio. Jadi kantung telur yang tumbuh di rahim saya itu kosong. Kok bisa? Ya gatau... tapi kan <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">testpack</i> positif? Betul, karena ada pembentukan kantung telur, tubuh saya menghasilkan hormon yang bikin hasil <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">tespack</i> positif. Terus gimana? Kata dokter pada akhirnya tubuh saya akan merespon salah sinyal ini dan saya akan mengalami keguguran dengan sendirinya.</span></p><p data-p-id="558301fe4b42afb536d56a57b77c0a11" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Satu hari saya percaya ada mukzizat, hari berikutnya saya ditampar sama kenyataan bahwa semesta ini suka bercanda dengan selera humornya yang aneh.</span></p><p data-p-id="d2adcd2ee7175a5cce4451a6705b5b89" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Beberapa hal yang saya ingat ketika dokter menyampaikan berita buruk itu adalah ucapan maaf bertubi-tubi yang beliau sampaikan ke saya. Lalu perjalanan pulang dari RS yang bikin saya <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">blank</i>, disertai panggilan telepon ke ibu saya yang spontan nangis karena nggak jadi punya cucu.</span></p><p data-p-id="0e0293023c1caa4f42fda7cfda46c072" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Lantas apakah selesai sampai di sana? Tentu tidak! Secara vonis sudah jelas saya keguguran, tapi badan saya belum sadar kalau saya keguguran. Jadi saya masih pusing, masih mual, dan masih dibuat uring-uringan. Dokter memberi saya obat untuk meluruhkan dinding rahim (yang ternyata obat lambung hahaha), memperingatkan saya supaya nggak takut kalau tiba-tiba saya menstruasi dan keluar <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">gerenjel</i> besar, tapi dua minggu berlalu dan apa yang seharusnya luruh belum luruh juga. Usut punya usut, ada hubungannya dengan sutikan seharga sejuta++ selama saya dikira hamil itu. Ngefek ternyata obatnya, Bun! Dinding rahim saya kuat banget jadinya. Nah, mumpung harus ngeluruhin, jadinya segala mitos saya cobain. Makan nanas, kerokan, olahraga, apa lagi ya? Pokoknya banyak lah yang katanya nggak boleh dikerjain sama orang hamil, saya kerjain. Masih ga ngefek! Tetap tidak luruh! Akhirnya di minggu kehamilan ke-9, dokter memutuskan untuk kuretase. Kenapa? Karena kata beliau bahaya seandainya jaringan mati itu tetap ada dalam tubuh saya.</span></p><p data-p-id="af89e1bb3bc84843eb948bbd875325cb" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Kuretase artinya operasi. Di masa covid, kalau masuk ruang OK harus ada bukti bebas covid, di masa itu tes swab masih 2,5 juta. Tapi demi kesehatan, ya saya kerjain. EH POSITIF DONG HASILNYA! POSITIF COVID.</span></p><p data-p-id="2234b9a77036ba91c7947e11de350aac" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Sempurna banget yegaksih?!! Udah dikasih harapan hamil, taunya hamil bodong, mau ngeluruhin nggak keluar-keluar, pas mau kuret malah cositif covid. Ini bercandaan semesta yang nggak ada lucu-lucunya. Anehnya, pas saya baca hasil tes swab, saya nggak takut. Mungkin karena pada saat itu saya memang lagi mikir "kalo gw mati aja kayaknya lebih nggak nyusahin keluarga gw deh", tapi yang jelas saya inget banget waktu itu saya lebih panik mikir kalau saya harus keluar 2,5 juta lagi dalam kurun waktu beberapa hari untuk dapetin hasil covid negatif demi bisa dikuret. Waktu berjalan, itu di dalem badan saya ada racun, tapi mau dikeluarin ga bisa karena saya covid. OMG, mati aja apa gue?!</span></p><p data-p-id="ec05eda9802086befe16b59f3c0ffbd9" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Selama beberapa hari itu saya doping vitamin c, vitamin d, dan antibiotic yang diresepin sama dokter saya (ampuh btw!), lalu seminggu kemudian saya swab lagi dan kali ini hasilnya negatif. Artinya saya bisa operasi. Eh tapi jangan senang dulu, Ferguso! Saya dijadwalin operasi tuh hari Selasa kalau nggak salah ingat, nah hari Sabtu sebelumnya (abis tes swab kedua) pas saya lagi liburan di rumah orang tua saya, perut saya kram. Kram ini beda dengan segala kram yang pernah saya alami seumur hidup saya. Malem itu saya keringet dingin, vagina saya sakit banget, rahim saya kontraksi, pinggang udah kaya mau copot, dan saya cuma bisa ngeringkuk di kasur sambil nangis kesakitan sementara suami saya bingung apa yang bisa dia kerjain buat bantuin saya. Malam itu, akhirnya si kantung janin yang ditunggu-tunggu "lahir". Malam itu saya resmi keguguran.</span></p><p data-p-id="b4ed6d289724c2eacf667ff13d5416b2" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Keesokan harinya saya lapor ke dokter kalau apa yang seharusnya terjadi beberapa minggu lalu udah kejadian, tapi saya tetep disuruh periksa. Ujung-ujungnya saya tetap operasi kuretase.</span></p><p data-p-id="37b40787ea10ff450919998157a3d6b9" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Gimana rasanya dikuret? Lagi-lagi sensasi pertama adalah malu. Sebab ya itu terulang lagi... terlentang di meja operasi dalam keadaan sadar sebelum dibius, ngangkang diliatin banyak orang. Selesainya gimana? Ya nyeri-nyeri sedap gitu deh, plus muntah-muntah karena efek obat biuus. Mantap lah pokoknya.</span></p><p data-p-id="be4187892151b4846eda3ab75291a56a" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tuntas dikuret, dokter nyuruh saya istirahat sebulan. Kali ini saya nurut, sebulan ya sebulan. Setelah itu rahim saya dipantau. Karena kemarin sempet hamil, ada penebalan otot rahim dan dokter saya nggak rekomen penebalan otot untuk kehamilan, jadi saya disuntik tapros yang harganya gausah ditanya... lebih mahal dari suntikan penguat rahim saya. Suntik tapros ini dilakukan 3 kali (mantap! Bokek gueee!) terus setelah tapros selesai, diharapkan kehamilan dapat terjadi natural. Dokter saya cukup optimis bisa natural karena kemarin saya dan suami sempet berhasil natural.</span></p><p data-p-id="f8d8fb3bc02eaef639e7ee470fd5a701" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tapi lima bulan berlalu tanpa berita baik, dan akhirnya disarankan inseminasi kedua. Artinya, semua kejadian horror yang dulu terulang lagi. Hasilnya juga terulang lagi; negatif.</span></p><p data-p-id="3fa6c7a63a55972e191116fa3f1fb31c" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Mungkin idealnya setelah ini kami melakukan IVF, tapi kami tahu kapan harus berhenti. Bukan hanya biaya yang sudah habis-habisan dan tabungan benar-benar 0, tapi juga karena kewarasan kami sudah terkikis akibat perjalanan menjemukan ini. Kami tidak bahagia lagi, itu sebabnya skala prioritas harus dipilih. Kesehatan jiwa dan raga kami lebih penting sekarang, maka kami memutuskan berhenti. Saya dan suami sudah sepakat untuk melanjutkan hidup kami yang selama ini tertunda karena <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i>. Jika sisa hidup kami hanya diisi saya dan dia (dan Bagel--anjing yang suami saya hadiahkan sebagai pelipur lara setelah saya ngemis-ngemis pengen punya anjing selama lima tahun lamanya), maka kami bisa terima itu; kami bisa terima hidup berdua saja, selama kami tetap sehat.</span></p><p data-p-id="e936660f0630df45f68eae6c5cfc51f2" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Di postingan sebelumnya saya pernah menyatakan bahwa saya sebenarnya agak sedikit lega waktu itu keguguran. Karena baru setelah itu saya sadar bahwa mungkin saya memang tidak siap. Sejujurnya program berikutnya saya kerjakan juga bukan untuk saya, tapi untuk keluarga saya. Waktu itu saya nangis-nangis di ruang konsultasi psikolog bilang kalau saya depresi karena sudah ngecewain mereka dan nggak sanggup bilang bahwa saya nggak mau lanjutin program kehamilan ini. Psikolog itu nyaranin saya untuk bicara terbuka dengan orang tua, tapi saya yang pengecut dan nggak tega ngecewain mereka memilih untuk tutup mulut dan menjalankan IUI sekali lagi saja. Saya menyerahkan semuanya pada Tuhan. Kalau IUI berhasil, artinya memang itu yang terbaik untuk saya. Kalau tidak berhasil, ya berarti Tuhan punya rencana lain untuk saya. Sekarang program yang dimaksud sudah terlaksana dan daya percaya hasilnya adalah yang terbaik untuk saya. Tuhan tahu saya tidak siap menjadi ibu dan itulah yang Tuhan beri. Tuhan menjawab doa saya, memberikan saya yang terbaik, dan membebaskan saya dari beban mental yang selama ini saya pendam.</span></p><p data-p-id="2cd420ba4c58643f53df2708b38fdd24" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tapi tetap saja saya nangis, dan masih menangis sambil menulis ini. Saya menangis bukan karena kesempatan saya hangus, bukan karena saya sedih liat <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">testpack</i> negatif, bukan akibat saya merasa tidak utuh sebagai wanita karena tidak bisa jadi ibu. Bukan. Bukan karena itu. Saya sedih karena saya tidak bisa membuat orang tua saya bahagia. Saya sedih karena besar kemungkinan orang tua saya tidak akan mendapat cucu pertama mereka dari saya. Sedih karena saya juga bisa melihat beban tidak terungkap di mata kedua orang tua saya... sebab saya juga tahu mereka pasti ditanya terus sama temen-temennya "gimana anaklo? Udah isi? Udah punya cucu belom? Kemaren anak gw gitu juga, lo coba deh urut ke si anu..." saya tahu mereka pun muak dengan pertanyaan (dan solusi) itu; dan sama tidak berdayanya dengan saya untuk menghindar. Itu yang bikin saya nangis.</span></p><p data-p-id="37e903a764bd54ef8ca2044f57cc91fd" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Sebab seumur hidup saya, mereka selalu memberi yang terbaik. Keduanya jungkir balik buat mastiin saya hidup layak dan bahagia. Saya sadar bahwa apapun yang saya lakukan, saya tidak akan bisa membalas apa yang telah mereka kasih, tapi setidaknya saya berharap bisa memberi mereka sediit kebahagiaan... dan saya tahu kehadiran cucu pertama akan sangat membahagiakan untuk mereka. Itu yang bikin saya sedih. Saya sedih karena sudah mengecewakan mereka untuk satu hal yang benar-benar di luar kuasa saya.</span></p><p data-p-id="e4e10cafe894f47f9c4600f3c466e78a" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Mungkin ini adalah satu bagian yang tidak banyak dibahas sama orang-orang yang melewati apa yang saya lewati. Rasa malu yang rasanya udah nggak tau mau diapain lagi. Beban mengecewakan keluarga. Lelahnya bolak-balik dan membiarkan badan sendiri dan badan suami melewati <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i> bertubi-tubi. Orang lain sih gampang banget bilang "sabar ya", "coba lagi aja, temen gw nyoba dan ketiga kalinya berhasil.", "mungkin lo harus adopt dulu buat mancing. Belajar deh menerima anak adopsi, nanti pasti lo dikasih.", "sepupu gw ada tuh nyoba berulang kali sampai nyerah, eh pas nyerah malah dikasih..." ya orang-orang itu lebih gampang bilang seperti itu tanpa menilik lebih dalam derita yang harus dilewatin pasangan seperti saya dan suami.</span></p><p data-p-id="eab28e4acf141a76b7ae30115b9af68d" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Terus baiknya bilang apa dong sama orang-orang seperti saya? Bilang... "saya turut berduka,", "pasti berat banget ngelewatin itu, semoga kamu dan suami tetap kuat.", atau sesimpel "saya pingin meluk dan nguatin kamu." Udah. Sesimpel itu. Ga usah kasih wejangan, nggak usah nyeritain kisah sukses diri sendiri atau orang lain, nggak usah kasih tips urut/obat/treatment/adopsi/apalah yang biasa diucapin ke orang-orang seperti saya.</span></p><p data-p-id="608268ba6ffeed846b20c57078d82f4d" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Biarkan saya berduka.</span></p><p data-p-id="3c22b266b9c8527be8f2bc8133eac461" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya tidak perlu solusi.</span></p><p data-p-id="5e4c4198f4a3e1bb8321dba379bdd41f" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya hanya perlu berduka dan memproses ini semua.</span></p><p data-p-id="f50be933eeac64b116e6e4105f5123b4" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Di IG ada beberapa follower yang rajin nanyain gimana kabar saya, cerita-cerita juga tentang kehidupannya, berbagi tentang kisah perjalanannya dengan pasangan yang juga nggak mudah... banyak sebenernya reader yang membuat saya merasa tidak sendirian dalam kutukan infertil ini, dan saya berhutang banyak sekali ucapan terima kasih pada kalian karena sudah mau berbagi dan membuat saya tidak merasa terkucil. Kemarin setelah saya terbitin <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">story testpack</i> gagal di IG banyak juga melakukan persis apa yang seharusnya dilakukan pada orang berduka: mengatakan kalau mereka turut berduka, memberi <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">virtual hug, </i>dan mendoakan saya tetap kuat serta sehat. Saya bersyukur banget ketemu sama orang-orang seperti kalian di dunia virtual ini. Saya senang karena kalian paham dan tidak mengucapkan petuah-petuah klise yang membuat saya makin sedih. Saya senang karena saya masih bisa berbagi sama kalian.</span></p><p data-p-id="e92bae6d06d8eb7134ab006903d93c14" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tapi saya juga berharap kalau saya bisa tutup buku dan mengakhiri <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">chapter</i> tentang infertilitas ini dari hidup saya.</span></p><p data-p-id="badac8df1e9d48dfcecf9216c5b8595c" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Kalian sudah mengikuti kisah saya dan sepertinya dalam perjalanan ini kita sama-sama belajar banyak istilah baru, mulai memahami bentukan <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">treatment</i> yang selama ini abu-abu, juga sudut pandang lain dari masalah yang masih dianggap tabu untuk dibahas dengan gamblang. Saya berharap pengalaman ini dapat membuahkan hal lain yang bermanfaat. Doakan saya cepat pulih (secara mental) ya... supaya bisa <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">move on</i> dan bisa melanjutkan proyek-proyek hidup yang tertunda selama saya mencoba peruntungan.</span></p><p data-p-id="3fb6b40250d53690a5d4d5df1148bcf0" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Makasih yang sudah baca sampai habis, makasih buat kalian yang masih mendukung dan mendoakan saya... saya bener-bener sayang lho sama kalian... rasanya kayak punya <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">comfort place</i> dan temen untuk berbagi (karena saya saja tidak bisa berbagi tentang ini pada teman-teman terdekat saya secara tatapmuka; takut nangis dan drama kalo cerita hahaha, kalo di sini kan kalian ga usah liat saya sesenggukan pas ngetik ;p). Sekali lagi makasih, karena sudah menyuntikkan rasa nyaman di saat saya lagi kacau.</span></p><p data-p-id="3fb6b40250d53690a5d4d5df1148bcf0" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">BTW, selama saya menjalani proses infertility treatmen ini, saya juga mencoba mencari moral support. Agak miris sebenernya ketika menjalani satu hal yang saya tahu banyak yang ngalamin tapi sedikittt banget yang terbuka untuk share tentang pengalamannya. Entah mungkin karena risih, karena malu, karena takut di-judge, atau alasan-alasan lain... yang jelas mencari support group untuk orang-orang yang senasib dengan saya sedikit sulit. Tapi saya menemukan beberapa channel yang membuat saya merasa tidak sebatang kara di perjalanan penuh liku ini, salah satunya Youtube pasangan ini. Mereka bener-bener deh, kuat banget! Dan pantang nyerah, nggak seperti saya yang pada akhirnya memilih untuk mengikhlaskan apapun jalan yang Tuhan rencanakan untuk saya. </span></p><p data-p-id="3fb6b40250d53690a5d4d5df1148bcf0" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/gXhUT_fBASg" width="320" youtube-src-id="gXhUT_fBASg"></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><p></p><p data-p-id="3fb6b40250d53690a5d4d5df1148bcf0" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">edit:</span></span></p><p data-p-id="3fb6b40250d53690a5d4d5df1148bcf0" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I've completed my infertility story and compiled them all into "inconvenient truth" titles. Click on these pictures for easier access to read them all.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/04/inconvenient-truth.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" data-original-height="382" data-original-width="516" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTCHIZLu__kyryIqU29Xh-Kn789JOupWpsuhqZF3psbzhc-iLk1KllItQiYQyjUDLe5jHddPYmdya0BRoLBSBMM5YyPnIyQ9LapkQyDxhwiln3ho5NDPRT54El5z7Ywq67tQkqgmb11XoHRM4aSj-Z64fW8QcJSUkH7MCNjmSQ0hnVwFdl-5WJwnax/w200-h148/20.png" width="200" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/04/inconvenient-truth.html"><span style="font-size: x-small;">inconvenient truth part 1</span></a></span></div><p></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/06/inconvenient-truth-part-2.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="577" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV8HbBGk9jzhHQucN9lz84qsiWLEjnUcQWArceiKCWx41YPd78eUaY6XC5fdt0sThn4-5GvA_1gO-4fFTLgLkOPQ7baB31twl9TtGfujm5V5uKChcevhScfG6kARFxDksOKQOfkvaCk2dNNy9nknqNI-Bku1YdTC1Rsjs0iJxG8n2y10ufz3rIs2XU/w186-h200/21.png" width="186" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/06/inconvenient-truth-part-2.html"><span style="font-size: x-small;">inconvenient truth part 2</span></a></span></div><p></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-part-3.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" data-original-height="749" data-original-width="769" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ7Vp3uq24mtJlsv3uSC0rQsW8Uo2DcqlG5H8dEE7s5DplTZIcv7XaSuMCly-0KjXYeq3FYwy8guJhgGCrNl7ktY10DYwric3Sok6W9_FfxRlhvhiRscHQTp2yoGgOh30ygmYvb1UQf5ddqQn5vMqY-3yZ2KxRwtSDUi9Gm9T5V9mJ_Tg2WcjI9-Uq/w200-h195/26.png" width="200" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-part-3.html"><span style="font-size: x-small;">inconvenient truth part 3</span></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><p></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #ff00fe; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.figma.com/proto/Hg299XFu5EDji79qhrhLbo/storytelling?node-id=142%3A351&scaling=scale-down&page-id=0%3A1&starting-point-node-id=142%3A351&show-proto-sidebar=1">return to Figma</a></b></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-61478152124224972532021-05-22T09:24:00.006+07:002022-11-18T09:25:28.385+07:00inconvenient truth part 3<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Some of you maybe know that my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the past two years. The road was long and winding. The preparation, the hormone therapy, the never-ending doctor visits, the food restrictions, the emotional baggage, the burdening society, the failed inseminations, and of course, the 'try again' phrase that seems endless. But apparently, the story keeps going.</span></p><p data-p-id="e7f3dcd72ef78cfa95df434595e6ea91" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">In early 2020 covid-19 arrived in this country. People were required to stay at home, and these days we couldn't see our doctor (clearly, the hospitals were the dangerous zone). One day I realized that my menstruation had missed its schedule, and after three days, I jokingly tried to use the pregnancy test I had. It showed two lines.</span></p><p data-p-id="3042e346c64aea26eb939015f5c0057f" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Unsure of the result, I asked my husband to run to the drugstore to buy three other brands. I tested myself again. Two lines. In all of them. I'm positive. I was pregnant. Puzzled by this miraculous result (knowing we had stopped our treatment because of the inability to visit my doctor due to covid-19), we braced ourselves to get out of the house and enter the war zone, which was the hospital so that my doctor could see and maybe confirm what's stated on the test packs.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span></p><figure contenteditable="false" style="box-sizing: border-box; cursor: default; margin: 0px; position: relative;"><p data-image-layout="one-horizontal" data-media-type="image" data-p-id="8f3d16e83e8d7494b86b479136c62800" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 30px 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><img alt="Puzzled by this miraculous result (knowing we have stopped our treatment because of the inability to visit my doctor due to covid-19), we braced ourselves to get out of the house and enter the war zone, which was the hospital, so that my doctor ca..." data-original-height="1920" data-original-width="1702" src="https://img.wattpad.com/3e41a1838ccbc0bac65d3e597b68b3e5d9b5a127/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f45426e47656a736d53414e4555673d3d2d3936343834323430392e313633633862343161363236323431643432303331313038373431312e6a7067?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle;" /></span></p></figure><p data-p-id="dfdb6b17bc1e9939997edcb6d2d429c5" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">(Once in my life, stuff like this happened)</span></p><p data-p-id="ef37824cceb5a21fd6c8c2568f3a46fe" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I went, the doctor looked into it, and he confirmed. I was 5 weeks pregnant.</span></p><p data-p-id="f1d433cb7f299ae02e502eb3ec3d602d" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">By that time, we couldn't see anything just yet. The embryo sack was hidden. My doctor suggested I return the next week, and in the meantime, he treated me with vitamins.</span></p><p data-p-id="93b9ee9408cc13b6c695a7b9ba9dcef3" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Next week we came again. This time around, we saw the embryo sac but haven't seen the embryo itself. My doctor seemed unsure, but he suggested I return the following week.</span></p><p data-p-id="de88551670b8e84173010cadf5622579" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">We came again by the—what was supposed to be—the 7th week. The sack got bigger, yet the embryo that was supposed to be seen (or heard) was not. My doctor furrowed his eyebrow, but he knew how long this journey to have a baby for me and my husband has been, so he said we'll take another look next week.</span></p><p data-p-id="19cbcc5886150d544415a220499342eb" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">On the 8th week, I returned to see the doctor, and the scan on the embryo sack got even more significant. By now, the primary embryo should have been more than 1 cm, and the heartbeat should have been noticed two weeks ago, but nothing. <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">It's just a growing sack with no embryo in it.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="56092fb86c65579cd4004448e27144e7" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">That day my doctor said 'sorry' a million times. He introduced us to the term 'blighted ovum' and told us carefully that even though the embryo sack was growing, there was no embryo in it. It's an empty sack. It's like an egg with no yolk.</span></p><p data-p-id="0717c2ced46ca62fff664f7d49297c5f" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">That day he gave us options: wait until my body processed the false pregnancy that'd lead to <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">natural miscarriage </span>or speed the process a bit by consuming a drug that later will be assisted with <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">curettage.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="4d6f8079095e2890d4956ee1beab6203" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">We picked the second option.</span></p><p data-p-id="5c563c1543f1a5d4e1bb839979747cfe" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">It was devastating enough to know that the hint of hope we had was just a false alarm; we didn't want to be tortured even longer by the pregnancy effect that took place. Like most pregnant women, I was nauseated, I felt lethargic, I became very sensitive to smell, and so on and so forth...<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"> the different only pregnant women usually carry their embryos, and I didn't.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="2fe0631b99e9462a2047e85c6a76ab91" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">We thought the drug would help the miscarriage faster, but no. Three weeks after my first encounter with the drug, I was still "pregnant"; the thing just would not fall off my uterus. My doctor was worried about my health because the longer this embryo sack stayed in me, the more likely it would poison me (it's a dead 'thing' in my living body, so obviously, it's a threat), so he suggested having the curettage.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span></p><p data-p-id="b6205edfcc33e31fc71f0dabd3860b1d" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Now during normal circumstances, having a curettage procedure done is quick. During covid-19 time, however, was not. I must do a PCR test to ensure I'm negative for covid. The test cost 2.5 million Rupiah. And guess what? I tested positive!</span></p><p data-p-id="dfcc1180f7e0136c8daf2b6caf10679b" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><u style="box-sizing: border-box;">Yes, there was a time in my life when I was positive for covid-19.</u> At the time, I was not panicking at all. Maybe because I didn't have any symptoms, or maybe because I've been too tired to be entertained by God's weird sense of humour. Anyway, my doctor called me to deliver the bad news. He prescribed me more vitamins and demanded I retake the test in three days. That's another 2.5 million Rupiah, folks!</span></p><p data-p-id="b3f17582ce6cc10336bab74e528882a3" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Thankfully, on the second test, my result came back negative. So my doctor scheduled me for the curettage procedure in the next week (the week after Idul Adha)</span></p><p data-p-id="aeabaa500290d7057ce65f50e1d0950d" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">The night my result returned positive was the night of Idul Adha, I was staying in my parent's home in Bogor. Everything went well until I felt this excruciating cramp in my tummy, the kind I usually get during periods, only a million times more painful. It was late, and I wasn't sure what to do, so I just stayed in the bathroom and followed what my body asked me to do—to get the pain out. I had never encountered such pain before; my whole body was trembling, I cried in silence because I didn't want to wake anyone, and my shirt was wet because of the sweat. To my surprise, I "gave birth" to the empty sack this night.</span></p><p data-p-id="69dd6a2b478a9a642ca3f458abe00a77" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Though most of the sack came out, my family and I were worried about what was still left inside. Because unclean 'miscarriage' could lead to a whole new problem in the future. So I went to the curettage as scheduled. It was a quick procedure that lasted less than two hours. During my previous operation, I had my husband next to me soon as I woke up. This time I didn't; the covid protocol didn't allow anyone to come with me—unless he had PCR test that showed he was negative (meaning another pointless 2.5 million Rupiah), so he chose to just wait in the car while I was in the operating and recovery room. Thankfully we returned to our home that very day after I gained full consciousness, and I could sleep in my comfortable bed that night.</span></p><p data-p-id="d39962923f6adf36d3c13f68d3afdfb8" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">That's the end of my false pregnancy story. It lasted for only 9 weeks. I thought a miracle was there for a while</span>, but reality proved me otherwise.</span></p><p data-p-id="5613a19d8567f5152021e70e1cda4eec" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I thought I'd be bitter. I thought I'd be devastated. But truthfully, I'm relieved. I didn't cheer joyfully when I saw the two lines on my test pack. My husband and I didn't even hug each other. We were stunned. Both of us just thought it was too good to be true, and somehow, in the back of our heads, we expected a plot twist. We got that plot twist, indeed. Another reason I was relieved was that I realized maybe it was not what I really needed in my life. During the 9 weeks, I hated to admit that I was too scared, weak, and ignorant to handle such a gift. God knew this far before I figured this out. So instead of being mad at Him, I'm grateful. He gave me a "sneak peek" into what I thought I wanted but did His own plot twist to save me from having an encounter with something I wasn't ready for just yet.</span></p><p data-p-id="4dfdd183a6b8bfba9cc2904ea42f03d7" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I thought that was all that I felt. But no. It Turned out this experience traumatized me. I am relieved yet burdened. Because I know I let people down. I know for sure I have been a massive disappointment to my wishful family. Having a trauma about something that raises hope in your loved ones is tricky. Because you try to avoid the trauma for your own sanity, but you can't bear to be another disappointment to those who never stopped supporting you.</span></p><p data-p-id="19d7a82e5061220070874211c4b42f12" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">The inability to escape this place lies in the resistance to letting go of what I thought I wanted. If I don't occupy myself with work, memories will bring me back to those days when I thought I got what I had been waiting for.</span></p><p data-p-id="bf3afa057ea4afb8ed7460bdf5ba9fed" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I remember the cheerful smile on my father's face. I will not forget how he reluctantly drove a bit further that day so that I could get the porridge I craved for. I remember my mother teared up when I delivered the news. I still kept the care package she bought me just so I could be more relaxed. And I remember that scared yet hopeful look in my husband's eyes. For a few weeks, he got around to buying me food I could digest while my body refused the home-cooked meal. Now, every time I see porridge or sniff the scent of that shampoo my mom bought me or think of wanting to eat that snack I ate while I thought I was pregnant, I'm sad. These things draw a hint of pain in my heart and remind me of the few weeks of a miracle when I wasn't such a disappointment to them.</span></p><p data-p-id="c9f337776b093625afa8aeaf788e50c6" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">After a while, I thought I had made peace with this, but it turned out I hadn't. I was just good at hiding from it. I avoided it, scraped this away from my daily topic, stacked it in the back of my mind, and pretended everything was fine. Until it was not okay anymore. Weeks after that miscarriage, I fell into the unseen trap and encountered this silent beast lurking beneath the surface; depression.</span></p><p data-p-id="eb9127163d86ff9cd12485bdaf98ba96" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">It was hell.</span></p><p data-p-id="a174f64105d4c26d80a66351bb2b5674" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Even more hellish because I didn't want to say it out loud. Many students of mine quickly stated they were depressed because of the homework, and my stupid dignity forbade me from falling into that lame teenager's cry of the famous 'depression'. So I was in denial over this particular stage of grief until I can no longer deny it. Luckily I acted quickly. I met a therapist—which finally gave me the 'chronic depression' diagnosis—and I tried to deal with this depression by acknowledging it and then treating it slowly with daily therapy sessions that I do at home. I feel better now, so I assumed the therapy works.</span></p><p data-p-id="0f0bd6d37b33e779174cdd49335a8dff" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Usually, I transferred all these insecurities into writing. But the damage in my broken heart was too severe, the trauma cut too deep, and I couldn't function as my usual self for a few weeks; that's why I didn't write for almost three weeks. I wanted to write but couldn't get up and force myself to do it. I was just this helpless lump of disappointment that couldn't do anything—for weeks, I just laid in my bed, sometimes crying and sometimes just chugging down pills to keep me asleep, not knowing what to do instead of just falling asleep and escaping reality.</span></p><p data-p-id="f0869dbe30a45de0beeeef3449d07c60" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I wasn't proud of what happened, but it was the process I needed to grow. And this post is the last step I have to write for closure. Some of you were kind enough to check on me when I rested a while from writing, and I thank you all for that kind attention. I wasn't well, I'm not healed yet, but I am better now.</span></p><p data-p-id="3fe325deacd092bc7bfabe2edc677638" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I wrote this for myself (as a reminder of what kind of drama I thought I couldn't get through—and a reminder that I was strong enough to battle it through and through) and for any other kind of people that cared enough to scroll this far. For you who read this sentence, I thank you. Maybe we don't know each other in real life, but somehow we met through this medium, and I'm thankful for that. I hope by writing this, I will have closure to what happened in my life. If it's not, I wish this was a baby step I had to go through for a better recovery. I just want to be happy with what I have. Well, I am fairly happy with what I have, I'm just not sure my family is happy with this, so now I hope they can be happy for me and will still love me despite the painful memory I caused that has left scars in their hearts.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br /></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">edit:</span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I've completed my infertility story and compiled them all into "inconvenient truth" titles. Click on these pictures for easier access to read them all.</span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/04/inconvenient-truth.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="382" data-original-width="516" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcE7bkfYJkO1xk3Qk2mK3YzkoBUmtFwL9o16MTDilFkWmFhFoWB30NT72cdNqKCWr1xoczQwrLzzIUhXWSbhHYX4cP_Jn4gjHioq7_nw3YOLODshPtC-0dtjno0SkZ9J9gtklFt7TwgI17LFhE3NEBoupj00J_opbso7nOJm7M3BXLWDA2W_xhtr91/w200-h148/20.png" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 13.2px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/04/inconvenient-truth.html">inconvenient truth part 1</a></span></div><p></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/06/inconvenient-truth-part-2.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="577" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOB-_Cspo2BKzWKXZKCksdU6Pj5lhLhSaLAv5M4LckjWfepqM4sqT7tzmAuR6CniJ0ZyLYzS6kO7XdFiWBsYReA3UldOp9Ig1TJ1zTArL196bZJzM8M754dM1Fo6ZIkLQfhbl7EjL-txrvDH2ybzAbT9zMJf7Eo7th6HeMNw9JJ03PzvgMyUSGSr7H/w186-h200/21.png" width="186" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 13.2px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/06/inconvenient-truth-part-2.html">inconvenient truth part 2</a></span></div><p></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-recap.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="325" data-original-width="295" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGqobYBFBFDovKUlxnLPcCb8oySDBBRHE2teaF55K0wnxjnNT0oYwRiN8uJXGgGDkRvL9rJiTQeDUz4WzCLBF2n2Lf95RjqqOF5PgkrW8tNSlsEiA4OaZSQdI9hk34LfhrYfvRoidNfLasBu-x03gTyaGkJD7Xd1GrIwbkUyEpQ0NTF-Guo9UGbimX/w181-h200/28.png" width="181" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 13.2px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-recap.html">inconvenient truth recap</a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><p></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.figma.com/proto/Hg299XFu5EDji79qhrhLbo/storytelling?node-id=73%3A1775&scaling=scale-down&page-id=0%3A1&starting-point-node-id=73%3A1775&show-proto-sidebar=1">return to Figma</a></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-79459335196658225022021-05-20T08:56:00.003+07:002022-11-18T09:25:00.874+07:00inconvenient truth part 2<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #222222;">Kali ini saya mau cerita tentang duka saya sebagai seorang wanita dalam versi Bahasa Indonesia dan mungkin dalam versi yang lebih kronologikal dan detail. Kenapa kok saya mau-mau aja berbagi masalah personal di platform yang bisa dibaca bebas sama semua orang? Pertama karena yang baca lapak diary saya dikit dan hanya yang "deket" sama saya aja yang mau meluangkan waltu untuk baca. Kedua, karena saya tahu di luar sana ada wanita lain yang merasakan</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="color: #222222;"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222;">insecurity</i><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;">serupa dengan saya dan bahasan yang saya angkat ini masih suka terhitung "tabu" buat dibahas. Well, mungkin bukan tabu sih, tapi tidak etis dan tidak nyaman dibicarakan bersama khalayak luas dengan berbagai alasan yang bisa dipahami sepenuhnya.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="fbf2fa76228513598117b2a6af122d4f" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Apalagi topiknya kalau bukan masalah <i><b>infertility</b></i>, hahaha... Iya, sekarang saya sudah bisa menambah 'haha' di belakang kata itu, karena setelah bertahun-tahun akhirnya saya sudah belajar menerima bahwa infertility akan menjadi bagian dari hidup saya, bahwa masalah itu bukan lagi satu hal yang harus saya sembunyikan, bukan satu hal yang bisa saya tutupi terus-menerus, dan semakin lama saya bersembunyi, hal itu hanya akan menjadi beban batin.</span></p><p data-p-id="87554c6874d216ef89f714754ea7771a" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya cerita dari awal saja ya gimana? Kisah ini kayaknya tidak akan selesai dalam sekali posting sih, karena ini cerita tentang proses penerimaan kekurangan saya, jadi meskipun saya sudah belajar menerima, bohong saja kalau saya tidak merasa emosional (dan sedih) membahasnya. Tapi ini bagian dari perjalanan hidup saya, bagian dari cara penyembuhan saya, dan langkah yang bisa saya ambil untuk belajar mencintai diri saya sendiri...<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">so here goes...</i></span></p><p data-p-id="8ad4e2f4ae84e564aeee27544147c905" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Sejak muda saya terhitung bandel. Orang yang tahu masa muda saya sebandel apa biasanya langsung menghubungkan infertilitas saya dengan itu. Kata-kata macem: lo tukang minum sih! Lo ngerokok sih dulu! Makanya jangan begadang! Lo jadi cewe begajulan banget sih, karma kan! Dan lain sebagainya... mungkin reader yang baca paragraf sebelum ini juga sudah ngebatin salah satu kalimat yang saya sebutkan. Lalu bagaimana perasaan saya denger komentar macem itu? Senyumin aja, sis! Prinsip saya "nyesel itu gak guna!" Ya memang masa muda saya begajulan, apa yang penting bagi saya adalah kenyataan bahwa saya sudah merubah gaya hidup itu 180 derajat. Saya menghindari hal-hal buruk itu sekarang, dan percayalah saya tidak pernah menyesal. Untuk apa nyesel? Udah dikerjain kok! Emang nyesel terus nangis-nagis bikin nasib berubah gitu? Kan enggak. Itu salah saya dan saya seorang wanita dewasa yang harus menerima konsekuensi dari kelakuan saya, jadi saya sih ambil hikmahnya aja...</span></p><p data-p-id="856631178f5eb43dd2901da09c6729b9" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Dengan semua sejarah saya di masa muda, tentu saja saya sadar bahwa tubuh saya punya limit dan saya harus berhenti dari semua kebiasaan buruk itu, satu hal yang pelan-pelan saya kurangi setelah lulus dan alhamdulillah saya sudah berhenti merokok selama 5 tahun, minum-minum alkohol 40% sudah stop total walaupun <i>occational wine & beer</i> masih saya nikmati itu juga kalau diizinin suami doang berani minum (soalnya saya males ribut), saya bertransformasi dari <i>night owl</i> menjadi <i>morning person</i>, dosis kopi saya batesin sehari segelas (kecuali butuh kafein banget), dan sekarang kalau saya mau ngelakuin kerjaan berat pasti minta tolong sama siapa pun yang <i>avaiable</i>.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="c4596538bb6c5d256955312521e421b9" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Nah, itu latar belakang saya dari sisi kesehatan jasmani. Saya tidak akan bahas kesehatan rohani saya karena itu urusan saya pribadi dan kebetulan rohani saya memang nggak sehat hahaha... jadi daripada debat panjang kan mending gak usah dibahas.</span></p><p data-p-id="375c18aa1e6704135ae1a277d3a2d6eb" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Berbekal latar belakang yang juga diketahui jelas oleh pacar saya (sekarang suami), saya menikah pada Agustus 2015. Saat itu kami berdua memang belum berniat buru-buru mau punya anak. Begini, saya tahu banyak orang bilang anak=rezeki (nggak usah ngajarin ayat Quran atau Hadist atau apapun hal-hal berbau rohani yang berkaitan dengan itu; bisa debat panjang kita ngomongin fakta di sekitar saya tentang orang-orang yang punya prinsip begini tapi hidupnya terseok-seok). Biasanya saya denger orang bilang "kalau bingung masalah finansialnya pas punya anak, ya itu sih gimana nanti, nggak usah dipikirin, pasti datang sendiri." Saya hargai siapa pun yang punya pemikiran demikian, itu hak setiap manusia untuk punya kepercayaan, maka sudah menjadi hak saya juga untuk tidak menelan bulat-bulat kepercayaan itu.</span></p><p data-p-id="501b0cc603316f70787881b0cff035dd" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Iya banyak anak=banyak rejeki, karena anak itu adalah rejeki. Tapi <i>hello</i>... anak itu butuh makan, butuh pendidikan, butuh kesejahteraan, dll. Saya nggak mau bahas panjang-lebar masalah ini, karena lagi-lagi saya anaknya realistis dan sarkastis, saya gak suka diajak mengandai untuk bergantung pada "keajaiban" yang belum pasti (ini satu hal pahit yang menjadi efek samping dari perjalanan saya dengan status infertil yang akhirnya saya terima).</span></p><p data-p-id="a51945f6eef4867fb324b971c4249e5d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Realistisnya begini. Saat baru menikah, saya belum terikat kontrak tetap dengan kampus manapun, gaji saya sebagai dosen terbang hanya 500 ribu rupiah dan gaji suami saya saat itu UMR Jakarta lebih dikit. Kami langsung tinggal sendiri<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">instead of</i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>numpang sama orang tua, jadi semua diurus berdua aja; <i>maintanance</i> rumah (listrik, air, internet, iuran kebersihan & keamanan RT), bensin, dan uang belanja harian setiap bulan saja bisa sampai 2,5 juta, belum bayar asuransi untuk dua orang, belum belanja bulanan yang isinya sabun cuci, dll, dan yakali saya sama suami nggak ngedate nonton bioskop sekali-sekali. Realistisnya, secara finansial kami masih belajar mengelola <i>income</i> yang kami peroleh. Realistisnya, saya sama suami masih muda (saya waktu itu 27 tahun, lagi-lagi terserah anggapan masing-masing, buat saya pribadi, saya menganggap 27 tahun masih terlalu muda untuk menikah—maklum, saya tidak dibesarkan dengan pola pikir kebelet nikah hahaha), dan kami masih ingin melihat dunia, masih mau pacaran, masih mau menikmati hidup berduaan dulu. Jadi kami sepakat untuk menunda. Egoiskah kami mau menikmati masa muda kami? Terserah opini masing-masing, yang jelas bagi saya dan suami, kami muda hanya sekali, jangan disia-siain. Untungnya orang tua saya mengerti dan mendukung saja keputusan ini, walaupun orang tua suami prinsipnya masih mayan <i>oldskool</i> (nikah-bunting-punya anak-gedein anak-tua-mati-udah).</span></p><p data-p-id="f027ab6d1df62d0f6a83edc7abe96453" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Balik lagi ke masaah nunda, kami nunda juga bukan pakai cara aneh-aneh, cara yang kami pilih sesimpel ngitung kalender aja. Saya tidak minum obat KB, tidak pasang spiral, tidak pake ini-itu, apalagi ke dukun. Pokoknya saya cuman ngedownload apps yang ngitungin kapan saya ovulasi, kapan saya mens, dan seterusnya. Jadi setahun awal ya memang kami tidak menunggu kehadiran apa-apa, kami hanya pacaran dalam ikatan halal dan menikmati jalan-jalan. Jangan ditanya seperti apa kesalnya saya setiap ketemu sama teman-teman Mama-Papa, ketemu mertua, ketemu tetangga mertua, ketemu siapa pun yang tua deh pokoknya! Pertanyaan "udah isi?" itu sudah kayak cemilan yang pasti harus saya kunyah, belum lagi ada tante-tante lancang megang perut saya yang emang nggak rata terus nyosor "udah berapa bulan?" (B*ngs*t banget emang sih kalo tante yang satu ini, dendam kesumat saya sampai detik ini), terus mertua nyindir-nyindir kalau anak tetangaanya yang baru nikah bulan kemarin udah isi, belum lagi kalau ketemu teman suami yang gendong momongan di acara nikahan terus SKSD ngomong "kapan nyusul nih? mau gendong? biar ketularan."<span class="Apple-converted-space"> Lo kata hamil kayak flu kali ya bisa nular sekali pegang! </span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">Ah pokoknya kalimat basa-basi yang bikin risih itu udah bosen deh saya denger. Awalnya saya ngelengos, tapi lama-lama kok sebel ya. Mereka nanya kayak gitu seolah saya harus ikutin target hidup mereka dan kalau saya tidak ngikutin aturan society, saya dicap aneh.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: verdana;"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana;">I HAD ENOUGH OF THOSE BULLSHITS. But sadly, it's far from ending.</i></span></p><p data-p-id="2d87ba7f18cf75f64561e6d1fc7b9238" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Setahun pertama menikah kami akhirnya bisa me-<i>manage</i> finansial, saya mendapat kerjaan sebagai dosen tetap di tempat yang sekarang, <i>income</i> saya melejit berkali-kali lipat dari yang sebelumnya, suami juga secara rejeki membaik, hingga akhirnya kami mencapai apa yang menurut kami ideal. Sesuai kesepakatan, setelah setahun pacaran halal, kami mulai mencoba program kehamilan. Awalnya juga masih pakai cara cek kalender, kalau lagi masa subur ya dicoba, terus ya diliat deh bulan depan mens atau nggak. Ini berlangsung sekitar enam bulan sampai akhirnya suami menyarankan kami ke dokter sekedar meriksa aja. Saya setuju karena saran suami saya masuk akal, akhirnya saya cari dokter yang paling dekat sama kampus saya, karena pengennya kan yang praktis aja ya... Datanglah saya ke RS. St.C (nama disamarkan hahaha) Serpong.</span></p><p data-p-id="91fde05e3fddccce29c8c718ca17615c" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Ini dokter pertama yang pernah saya datengin untuk urusan kandungan dan sumpah yaaaaa... orang ini sukses bikin saya kapok.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="4ee158afe2bcb10930f7eea3a5ef8a4b" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Bayangin... di dalam ruang praktiknya, dokter ini cuman ada meja konsultasi dia, dua kursi buat pasien di seberangnya, satu alat USG luar (USG luar tuh yang diolesin di perut doang, USG dalam tuh yang alatnya dimasukin via liang vagina), dan satu poster tentang kehamilan.</span></p><p data-p-id="3564307ced1a302d73be835eb5a6f539" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Pertama dia dengerin keluhan saya sama suami dengan muka datar, lalu saya disuruh berbaring di atas kursi USG dia itu, saya di-USG, lalu...</span></p><figure contenteditable="false" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; cursor: default; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-size-adjust: auto;"><p data-image-layout="one-horizontal" data-media-type="image" data-p-id="fe0802c1f9c9fd05831ea8401fee23ba" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 30px 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img alt="Pertama dia dengerin keluhan saya sama suami dengan muka datar, lalu saya disuruh berbaring di atas kursi USG dia itu, saya di-USG, lalu" data-original-height="1142" data-original-width="1920" src="https://img.wattpad.com/5732fcd2b3c6b9d855badf537f23933c0061a547/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f4973733951316d4b33316d3556513d3d2d3734353733333338322e313561616231353539353966633739623531323339323835383636382e6a7067?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle;" /><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p></figure><p data-p-id="5865a2637bf6c30dac05cdea43b1d2cf" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">USG Pertama (USG luar)</span></p><p data-p-id="02a78f555fb08abb142c9dda332d29f7" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Kista nih, Bu." itu dokter nunjuk ke layar terus ngukur besar kistanya. "Wah sekitar tujuh sentian ya... besar sekali."</span></p><p data-p-id="c1e75e9ffac8d8da58c49d0aa951dd74" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tolong diinget, itu kunjungan saya PERTAMA KALI BANGET ke dokter kandungan, udah dibikin parno belom-belom. Cara bicaranya itu loh,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">as if i'm terminally ill and about to die soon!</i></span></p><p data-p-id="c7efd17cbd9379e0930031380c996c8d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Oh, terus ada solusi apa ya, Dok, kira-kira?" saya nanya udah ketakutan ini.</span></p><p data-p-id="deef5c09263a9eb077b49123711dcc85" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Harus operasi."</span></p><p data-p-id="bf1b57ea825b1826d8acce0f290e43e6" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">DENG! Belom sampai lima menit di dalam ruangan dia, saya sudah disuruh operasi. Saya nih anaknya serba fakta ya,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">nggak apa-apa lo suruh gue operasi, tapi tunjukin masalahnya, jelasin sampai gue paham!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i>Jadi sebagai pasien yang merasa harus mengambil keputusan besar, saya nanya dong... "Kistanya di sebelah mana, Dok? Apa treatmentnya harus langsung operasi? Kalau dioperasi, prosedur tindakannya seperti apa ya?"</span></p><p data-p-id="a483a93eb77153f5adc38ee44b398c5c" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Tau nggak itu dokter ngapain?</span></p><p data-p-id="6a003f2572ef5a787f410982e5a983a5" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Doi ngotak-ngatik komputer, buka google, masukin kata 'cyst' ke dalam <i>search engine,</i> TERUS LAYAR KOMPUTERNYA DIBALIK KE ARAH SAYA.</span></p><p data-p-id="f8a9629d6a58f5445e616b30c8eb6537" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Kista itu seperti ini, Bu. Ada di rahim itu. Kita operasi laparoscopy, hanya ditusuk di tiga titik dan kistanya diambil tidak akan disayat kulit Ibu."</span></p><p data-p-id="21b88d16829884c8fabcfd278d09d27c" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Jadi nggak ada solusi lain, Dok?"</span></p><p data-p-id="756d37e558cbb3302cc2c4dba0d41170" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Kalau mau cepat ya dioperasi. Ini besar sekali loh, Bu." Dia ngetik lagi buat nyari gambar kista lain terus layar komputernya ditunjukin lagi ke saya.</span></p><p data-p-id="0503ee1c96ad13dfa34dca97db914da7" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Operasinya akan seperti apa, Dok? Saya belum punya bayangan tentang prosedurnya." Saya masih tarik napas dalam-dalam dan mencoba positif thinking sama itu dokter.</span></p><p data-p-id="f062700744ef501e00b5ec9f8b03a1d1" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Eh, doi ngetik lagi nyari "laparoscopy" terus nunjukin ke saya. LAPAROSCOPY YANG DITUNJUKIN BUAT USUS BUNTU PULA! Ya saya memang bukan dokter sih, tapi saya nggak bego! Saya bisa bedain yang mana usus buntu yang mana rahim, woy, Dok!!</span></p><p data-p-id="2281eeea50ba8cb261ecaece2d0b9d13" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Dalam hati saya sih gini: LO SINTING! NYARI DI GUGEL GUE JUGA JAGO, MONYONG! JELASIN DARI SISI KEDOKTERAN! JELASIN DARI SISI PENGALAMAN LO SAMA PASIEN LAIN! KASIH GUE ALTERNATIF SEBELOM LO SURUH GUE OPERASI!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="45327a56f45c463f1fb862cb8967cf93" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya sama suami liat-liatan dengan dialog batin yang sepaham "kita cari dokter lain!" Jadi untuk mempercepat proses, saya manggut-manggut aja biar cepet kelar.</span></p><p data-p-id="4af6f286944098bf2453233e4abe0e7d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Akhirnya si dokter itu nulis surat rekomendasi supaya saya ke temannya di rumah sakit lain untuk periksa kesuburan setelah nanti kista itu diangkat.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">Sabodo teuing</i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>lah si dokter mao nyuruh apa, udah nggak saya<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">waro</i>, intinya saya sama suami nggak mau lama-lama di dalam. Kita langsung cabut.</span></p><p data-p-id="9f67459eb724ec79ec8836793f0bb3dd" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Apa perasaan saya pas kita sudah di mobil dan tarik napas dalam-dalam buat menenangkan diri? Jujur saya panik. Ibu saya pernah operasi yang urusannya sama rahim 3 kali dan saya tahu sebagaimana menyiksaknya hal itu. Mama pernah operasi angkat kista pas saya kecil, pernah <i>c-section </i>pas ngelahirin adik saya, dan terakhir saat rahimnya diangkat karena endometreosis. Ibu saya juga bukan wanita yang mendapatkan kehamilan dengan mudah, saya sudah menyaksikan segala terapi hormon yang pernah Mama lewati dulu saat orang tua saya mencoba hamil saya adik, saya tahu bahwa masalah <i>infertility</i> ini sudah menjadi warisan yang bakal dibawa terus sama saya, tapi saya tidak menyangka di kunjungan dokter pertama saya langsung ditemukan kista sebesar 7 senti yang cara penanganannya hanya dioperasi.</span></p><p data-p-id="424700baa4ba960e773e73df60313fb0" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Seharusnya saya panik kan ya mau dioperasi, seharusnya saya mikirin biaya yang belum tentu tertanggung asuransi, mikirin dikasih tindakan di ruangan dingin mengerikan itu, mikirin bakal ada efek samping apa kalau dioperasi, tapi nyatanya yang saya pikirin waktu itu hanya "gimana mahasiswa gue? Kalau operasi palingan ada waktu dua minggu harus pemulihan, kelas gue siapa yang gantiin? Anak TA siapa yang ngebimbing?"</span></p><p data-p-id="a3609d93a26f5695368351c3b0ed209f" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Berhubung rumah sakitnya deket kampus, setelah suami saya nganterin balik ke kampus, saya langsung cari kaprodi untuk jelasin duduk masalah yang baru saya dengar.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="884d8450aea5e43c5afb81e5f708843e" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Kaprodi saya laki, tapi memang doi <i>family man</i> dan pengertian banget kalau udah masalah sensitif kayak begini. Saya cerita sambil nunjukin sonogram USG saya biar dia nggak ngira saya ngada-ngada, lalu si Bapak ikutan melotot panik sambil bilang "Lo gilaaa... tujuh senti?! Udah nggak usah pikirin kelas sama bimbingan, minta Pak Z gantiin, dia kan koor matkul lo, lo pengobatan aja sampai tuntas!"</span></p><p data-p-id="de84e5e3b882bf65f8e645f59ca403e9" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Serius nih Pak? Nggak apa-apa saya dua mingguan nggak masuk?"</span></p><p data-p-id="cf760f3fab2a1c14874fedd991e194ea" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Udah, itu jeroan yang jadi masalah. Urusin dulu, sehat dulu yang penting."<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="9ecc8fe4e1a1dc4ee0e3dd378f75f0f6" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Rada tenang tuh saya abis Pak Bos ngasih izin kan, terus saya harus ngomong sama si Pak Z yang bakal kena imbas gantiin kelas saya dong... akhirnya saya ngomong dan menjelaskan hal yang sama ke Bapak Z. Si bapak ini kebetulan istrinya baru ngelahirin, jadi dia juga udah kenyang sama yang namanya dokter kandungan. Pak Z nggak keberatan gantiin kelas saya, tapi si bapak nahan saya di meja beliau buat ngajak diskusi.</span></p><p data-p-id="c1f4d873657754db4eaaa138a31bfde8" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Bu, nggak mau cari <i>second opinion</i>, Bu? Dulu awal istri saya hamil, kita ganti dokter sampai lima kali karena nggak sreg... kadang cara berkomunikasinya juga penting sih, Bu. Kalau dari cerita Ibu, kok dokternya kayak tidak menjelaskan apa-apa tapi langsung ke kesimpulan operasi saja? Bukannya suudzon, tapi banyak juga dokter yang cari gampang doangan gitu loh..." si Bapak ini nada bicaranya cengengesan, tapi saya tahu dia beneran<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">concern</i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>sama nasib saya di tangan dokter yang meragukan ini.</span></p><p data-p-id="5245eee7571781336542afddc747f960" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Pengen sih, Pak. Saya sama suami juga nggak percaya sama dokter yang ngejelasin ke pasiennya pake Google, Pak."</span></p><p data-p-id="e1426a1665b5451e51a1a51ad378af6a" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Nah itu makanya! Kita ini dosen yang pegang mata kuliah Riset Metodologi, Bu. Jagoan kita lah kalau disuruh nyari begituan, nggak perlu kita sekolah spesialis buat nge-Google doang." Si bapak membuat suasana hati saya makin ringan dengan jokes recehannya. "Masa' kita bayar dokter ratusan ribu cuman untuk nontonin dia masukin kata kunci ke Google, dokter apa itu? Mahasiswa kita juga bisa disuruh nge-Google kista."</span></p><p data-p-id="30d8c38e54eb7bf7897ef3be19f18746" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Iya nih, Pak. Saya juga tadi diskusi sama suami mau cari dokter baru, yang dokter di St. C udah saya black-list lah pokoknya. Kalau pun benar diagnosanya, saya nggak suka sama cara dia jelasin masalah dan ngentengin proses operasinya. Emang saya ayam apa tinggal dia taro di meja operasi, tusuk tiga titik, terus selesai!?"</span></p><p data-p-id="6fb3ff23892ad70d6be549fdbcc0c35c" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Masalah izin untuk nyakit dan pengganti kuliah aman, tapi saya tidak memanfaatkan <i>wild-card</i> itu cepet-cepet. Berhubung waktu itu saya sama suami masih rada syok, kita menikmati waktu untuk panik dulu beberapa minggu, untuk nangis ketakutan yang saya lakuin diem-diem kalau saya lagi nyetir sendirian, saya coba ngobrol sama ibu dan sepupu saya yang pernah ngalamin kista, sambil nanya-nanya tentang dokter kandungan yang terpercaya. Akhirnya sebulan kemudian kami mencoba mengunjungi dokter lain di E.H. BSD. Kita tau dokter ini dari kakak ipar saya yang kebetulan kerja di sana. Katanya dokter terbagus di rumah sakit itu adalah dokter yang akan kami kunjungi, peringatannya cuman satu "dokternya saklek! kalau pasiennya telat atau bikin dokternya kesel, di-<i>black-list</i> langsung!"</span></p><p data-p-id="4d35310d624b8592e0ab94beda00daa0" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Nah loh... ngeri kan? hahaha tapi kita tetep dateng, namanya juga usaha.</span></p><p data-p-id="35b05bb1172ed6048c8d1377af270849" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Jadilah kami ke E.H. Kami masuk ruangan dokter itu. Di dalam ruangan yang terlihat lebih bersahabat, saya sudah merasa jauh lebih yakin. Di sepanjang dinding si dokter ada poster-poster tentang alat reproduksi wanita, ada foto-foto dia sama pasien yang pernah dibantu, ada kartu ucapan terima kasih dari pasien-pasien terdahulu, ya pokoknya terlihat jauh lebih meyakinkan lah. Dokter ini informatif, solutif, dan tidak bertele-tele; saya suka nih dokter yang begini. Fakta lain tentang dokter ini, doi orang Batak, jadi kebayang dong kalo ngomong sekeras dan secepet apa, berasa diomelin mulu lah pokonya hahaha, tapi ya memang udah bawaan dianya ngomong gitu, jadi saya yang harus konsenterasi keras buat dengar ucapan dia; saya panggil saja dokter ini dengan Dokter Galak... hahaha (tapi pinter banget dokternya, walaupun galak).</span></p><p data-p-id="2905637160ff1bfcc94d108deb2843ee" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya membuka konsul dengan menyerahkan gambar ultrasound kista yang saya peroleh dari dokter Google kemarin, saya tunjukin dan saya sebutin kekhawatiran saya. Lalu tahu apa yang dokter itu bilang?</span></p><p data-p-id="f1352e543c0afe9b1d9ca92b094b8f37" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Kita periksa di ruang USG ya, Bu, kita USG dalam." Si dokter menunjuk tonjolan yang kista itu. "Kalau melihat ini sekilas, sepertinya ini kista yang muncul karena ibu mau menstruasi, bukan kista yang mengganggu. Tapi untuk memastikan kita USG dalam dulu ya."</span></p><p data-p-id="eead5d1096b00cfe4b0c858489a32156" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya pindah ke ruang sebelah di mana ada kursi horror ala dokter kandungan itu, lalu diminta lepas celana dan melebarkan kaki karena kali ini USG dilakukan dengan memasukkan alat ke dalam vagina. Si dokter ini menemukan gundukan yang ditemukan dokter sebelumnya, tapi setelah diukur pakai alat dia, ukurannya sudah berkurang menjadi 3,4 cm. Itu berita baik buat saya, tapi berita yang lebih indah muncul.</span></p><figure contenteditable="false" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; cursor: default; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-size-adjust: auto;"><p data-image-layout="one-horizontal" data-media-type="image" data-p-id="bc80a2a327b3f886aa29c8679ba8e139" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 30px 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img alt="Itu berita baik buat saya, tapi berita yang lebih indah muncul" data-original-height="1158" data-original-width="1751" src="https://img.wattpad.com/b725df643dacb8b80a2f1c0bab767249671564c3/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f694c4535433352473546526654413d3d2d3734353733333338322e313561616231363930636466613761353635333333303534343937312e6a7067?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle;" /><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p></figure><p data-p-id="0bdada29db7a82715fbbf1ae5458d087" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">USG Kedua (USG dalam)</span></p><p data-p-id="dfef7cb8269d4a8862c01c56172d2b2c" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Ini saya kasih pil Yasmine saja ya, Bu, untuk meluruhkan. Ini sih tidak perlu dioperasi, hanya perlu diluruhkan saja."</span></p><p data-p-id="2cc0aebe6712b6f0737138c777de0f4e" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya sama suami langsung liat-liatan dengan tatapan yang bilang "Nah, ini baru dokter! Ngasih solusi lain dulu sebelum operasi!"</span></p><p data-p-id="438d7270d1da776ebe6fe843b638c39e" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Setelah pemeriksaan, dokter itu menanyakan kebiasaan sehari-hari kami, membandingkan tinggi badan dan berat badan saya (berkesimpulan saya kegendutan—padahal saya normal, ga kurus dan ga gendut), lalu menyuruh kami melakukan sepaket tes hormon dan <i>sperm test</i> (ini saya ceritain lain waktu aja). Kami balik dari dokter kedua itu dengan perasaan jauh lebih ringan. Saya beli tuh obat KB yang harus pakai resep dokter itu, obatnya nggak mahal, nggak memberikan efek samping apa-apa ke saya, cara pakainya juga diminum doang yang teratur. Lalu bagaimana hasilnya saat saya memeriksakan diri di bulan berikutnya? KISTANYA HILANG SAUDARA-SAUDARA! Nggak pakai operasi!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="7fd30347ad88a8b1c143dd1f006e0335" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Bayangin kalau saya tidak mencari <i>second opinion</i>, bayangin kalau saya pasrah aja dioperasi sama si Dokter Google, bayangin kalau saya mengabaikan nurani saya yang nggak sreg sama si dokter pertama. Mungkin saya beruntung karena kista saya bisa di-<i>treatment</i> dengan obat sedangkan beberapa kista memang harus dioperasi, tapi kalau saya tidak mencari alternatif atau opini lain maka jalan saya hanya operasi dan entah apa efek sampingnya ke rahim saya kalau sampai si Dokter Google melakukan laparoscopy itu.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="c1abc0ca4bb3ac1c6b428bc2e7f5f64a" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Moral dari cerita ini? Pertama, sabarlah... mulut orang kepo di luar sana pasti lemes, orang Indo keseringan basa-basi sampai nggak sadar bahwa kadang basa-basinya itu bisa bikin orang sedih, nggak usah takut dikatain baperan, belum tentu kalau orang lain ditempatkan pada posisi infertil, mereka nggak baper. <i>Infertility</i> memang sulit untuk diterima dan masalah itu berhubungan langsung dengan kodrat wanita yang katanya baru sempurna kalau sudah menajdi ibu, wajar saja jika kekurangan itu membuat seseorang sedih dan rendah diri berkepanjangan, saya pun masih <i>i</i><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">n between</i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>emosi ini kok di balik sikap positif yang saya coba terapkan.</span></p><p data-p-id="4535d66ac0ba3f28740e66822b41f3cc" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #222222;">Lalu moral berikutnya yang mau saya tegaskan tentang pengalaman berburu dokter: percayalah dengan insting! Kalau sejak awal dokternya memang bikin nggak sreg, atau nggak meyakinkan (kalau saya kebetulan nggak sreg dari cara si Dokter Google menjelaskan ini-itu yang terkesan ogah-ogahan dan nggak profesional), jangan ragu untuk cari </span><i><span style="color: #222222;">second, third, fourth, even hundredth opinion</span></i><span style="color: #222222;"> sampai ketemu yang cocok.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="color: #222222;"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222;">It's your body!</i><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;">Orang lain bisa seenaknya aja nyuruh operasi, tapi saya selalu percaya bahwa dokter yang bener bukanlah dokter yang langsung nyuruh operasi di diagnosa pertama. Dokter yang baik (bagi saya) adalah dokter yang menjelaskan masalah dengan menyeluruh dan memberikan opsi solusi; sekali pun solusi itu adalah operasi sebenarnya tidak masalah, tapi cara mengkomunikasikan KENAPA operasi itu adalah jalan terbaik yang solutif menurut saya membedakan kualitas dari masing-masing dokter.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="bc76d5ac969b879a2b10ca3bcf7e7ed9" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Jadi untuk siapa pun yang mungkin punya pengalaman sama seperti saya, bagi yang sudah sering baper karena ditanyain pertanyaan yang bikin kita sedih sama kerabat dekat, yang sudah bosan dituduh (maaf) 'mandul'—saya benci banget istilah ini, tapi orang Indonesia mulutnya kan emang b*ngs*t ya kalau udah ngatain orang, nggak punya perasaan atau kesadaran buat ganti kata M itu jadi infertil aja kek biar nggak nyelekit di hati—, atau mungkin pernah juga menemui dokter yang bikin nggak nyaman... jangan ragu untuk keluar dari lingkaran setan itu, karena lagi-lagi kita punya hak untuk bahagia dengan cara kita masing-masing!</span></p><p data-p-id="20bf96f8103eb99d5ee349deb2710c2c" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Saya nggak sowan ke mertua setengah tahun lebih, saya menarik diri dari acara pertemuan keluarga besar, saya menghindari reuni sekolah, saya titip salam saja kalau suami saya menghadiri pesta pernikahan temannya, saya jauhi orang-orang yang membuat saya membenci diri saya sendiri, dan saya cari dokter yang bisa memberi solusi. Takdir Tuhan mungkin tidak bisa saya ubah, tapi saya bisa mengubah cara saya menghadapi apa yang sudah digariskan untuk saya. Kalau saya terus berkubang dalam kolam gelap yang membuat saya tidak bahagia, lama-lama saya depresi dan <i>suicidal</i> <i>(been there)</i>, jadi ada baiknya saya belajar memaafkan kekurangan diri saya sendiri, bangkit dan mengejar sesuatu yang lain untuk mengobati luka saya, dan mencari aktualisasi diri yang tidak melulu dikaitkan dengan kemampuan saya menghadirkan seorang bayi ke dunia; jika Tuhan mau saya menjadi ibu, suatu hari saya akan diberi kepercayaan, jika tidak... saya akan mencari kebahagiaan saya sendiri dengan karya saya yang lain. Intinya, kalau saya boleh mengutarakan prinsip saya berkenaan dengan masalah ini sih, saya mau bilang: Saya boleh dianggap gagal menjadi wanita oleh society, tapi saya tidak boleh gagal menjadi manusia.</span></p><p data-p-id="3f327143dff534503835b1bce95b8612" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Sama seperti wanita lain yang senasib dengan saya. Kita bukan wanita gagal, Tuhan hanya menggariskan keberhasilan kita di jalan yang lain. Percayalah, butuh waktu bertahun-tahun sampai saya bisa menanamkan pola pikir ini, nanti akan saya <i>share</i> perjalanan saya selama membenci diri saya sendiri sampai akhirnya saya belajar menerima kekurangan ini di Inconvenient Truth lainnya...</span></p><p data-p-id="faa81b31967ff5b52b608554af5c952e" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">'Till next time~</span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">edit:</span></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I've completed my infertility story and compiled them all into "inconvenient truth" titles. Click on these pictures for easier access to read them all.</span></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/04/inconvenient-truth.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="382" data-original-width="516" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid37BA3kEln0ED0Ye1BPK-E0k2zyxEMcTkiw89Vp6kYt0vVPMTYkZB1r7fQWcmSeGAUwzpTH2fdabzp111Gh2bL-r5xY4Ednf_UNP5U4IkssSrMWTFulr8m56vlMaPTFlz--AySkQY8UjCoOuQ8-XfUehfV-MjMqdnTnR-crVC2fteH_YJq5AfrNsV/w200-h148/20.png" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/04/inconvenient-truth.html">inconvenient truth part 1</a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-part-3.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="749" data-original-width="769" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_NhUljsgpXem369Qp18YEefZcBG5YgN6GDtL82QexTHy1NR639djkpSHqrr_UZWAAeSksU0mURGYHuS2akGmLnQt05s_wTmr4tVrtYCK87Z_UgUFSjmNhPkz3HSGnR9HCMlcxZvj-8V3DoZtMHBZsfwjBFmjQ26145gAMW2dd5jCpUuO0xGyOPtgN/w200-h195/26.png" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-part-3.html">inconvenient truth part 3</a></span></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-recap.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="325" data-original-width="295" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7DJlt3lygP3NC9FZ5UkSn4wSxhhYIY099NKsK62p2Kw-wvZC-ekxRfi0ogV_vPUyy7Z0GQlUK5TRUN9cVwFWLqLouxT6pEg2YecLe3d_Zq9AIKuS4g66cTtlgMVoNVV2lZ3RS8lM4_IBFP66tNf8GiGP9bhXMBr8IUvn9tIrqmshOpsxMt-M8GwHP/w181-h200/28.png" width="181" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-recap.html">inconvenient truth recap</a></span></div><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://www.figma.com/proto/Hg299XFu5EDji79qhrhLbo/storytelling?node-id=73%3A1775&scaling=scale-down&page-id=0%3A1&starting-point-node-id=73%3A1775&show-proto-sidebar=1">retun to Figma</a></span></p><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><p></p><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-25149152793387742442021-04-30T17:51:00.014+07:002022-11-18T09:24:00.620+07:00inconvenient truth<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span face="Source Sans Pro, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span>This year, it will be my fifth Eid with a husband, and I am kinda relieved about the physical distancing policy because that means I don't have to attend any big family meeting, that usually always lead the elders to ask me this question: </span></span><span face=""Source Sans Pro", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;">"Are you pregnant yet?"</span></span></p><p data-p-id="977333cb5ff6dd1a251914ad61956e26" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I went through four Eid celebrations hearing that question, I should be prepared by now, but the thought of it nonetheless brings tears to my eyes.</span></p><p data-p-id="46c51f0e5ad1256bdf0c4c0e0ee95b7b" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Because I can't tell them the result of my check-up, it'll be uncomfortable telling them what I went through with my husband to get our own miracle; they won't understand the mental and physical pain that punctured me on the inside. Instead, I can only smile and ask them to pray for me—yes, all that BS just to cover the pain I'm hiding.</span></p><p data-p-id="9a0ebf62210fa962a834ebc2a0573f22" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">If it's all about God's plan, then i do really hope for the fact that He really prepared something for me, but if not, I wish He'd give me enough strength to put up a straight face and embrace what I've been lacking as a woman this far.</span></p><p data-p-id="9797451e66b6a1f65efb1c6e6e3c7376" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">A year ago, the father of my best friend past away. The man was like a father to me, and it's not just a figure of speech. I have known my best friend since we were 5 years old. We went to the same school from kindergarten until high school; we each took turn to be ridden home by our parents, spent the nights in each other's place, and even got scolded by each other's parents. Her father wouldn't mind scolding me when I was wrong, yet at the same time, he was also the kind of man that would drive me home after midnight no matter how annoyed he was by me and my friend's agenda—just like my own dad. This man was also the witness that officiated my marriage almost six years ago... so to hear the bad news was devastating, and i didn't think my day yesterday could get any worse. But I was wrong.</span></p><p data-p-id="a7e7dd140991e7c01691f780e3f6d378" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">At the funeral, I met with my other best friends, the gangs I grew up with; girls that know me, know my struggle and they are the people that I feel most comfortable with. One thing I love about reuniting with people my age is the fact that they don't ask<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">that</i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>question—unlike the elders—yet somehow the mellow side of me still crawled to find a hiding place when two of them started sharing their married life jokingly.</span></p><p data-p-id="6f2702418064fbfdadbfdec024188bf4" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"I want a second child already, but my husband just shamed me in front of our ob/gyn by telling him that he hasn't thought of having one!" Said my friend.</span></p><p data-p-id="ade2202a3ad2917b2bac10d986201f1b" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"Use my tactics then; take out your IUD without him knowing!" Joked my other friend who got her second child that way.</span></p><p data-p-id="3ab4b2e3f95462a61f389e2cabc8e1b6" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">"I'm considering it!" My first friend laughed. "I'm not young anymore, and soon I will have more problems if I have late pregnancy. The clock's ticking, and I really need to talk with my husband about it."</span></p><p data-p-id="eb5392882a8c7c44ab8bf203278060b7" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Nothing's wrong with that kind of conversation, right? They have fun sharing, they mind their own business, they're not hurting me nor asking me how my prospect with a child will be, and I think it's normal for my friends to be worried about the year gap between her firstborn and the chances of having healthy pregnancy while she's young.</span></p><p data-p-id="fb021003c6dc1c7732ea52b49f2bad17" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I laughed with them, but I cried inside. Cried because of the realization that I got.</span></p><p data-p-id="6e1adcaae4a586c0fb34e289ca89fe60" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">For some women, getting pregnant is as easy as taking their IUD out whilst I'm here having unprotected sex since my wedding night, planning all fertile days in the calendar, doctor visits, medicines, surgery... and nothing. Nothing has happened yet. Some women did it on their wedding night, and a few weeks later, they got pregnant, just like my newlywed cousin. Some women can literally get a baby according to what she's been planning with their husbands in time and don't have to be worried about taking treatments to get a baby inside her. And some women are like me, struggling to get pregnant and sent to cry in the bathroom as the period cramp comes each month. I know each person faces their own fight, and God made<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;">this</i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>mine, but sometimes I just need a rest, sometimes I just wanna hear good news; at least I want to hear comforting news that it's possible, that it all will be worth it in the end.</span></p><p data-p-id="86014a9a6823ac608c77aff09fe41df6" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I don't know why I'm sharing something very personal here, but I feel better if I let it out of my chest. I felt better after writing about this hidden struggle in one of my novels. Sometimes people just need to get it out of their system, and this is me trying to put it out there and free myself from my own dark thought.</span></p><p data-p-id="7d0b0de18af90550af16f6923b15bcc0" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I'm not fine, but I know i'll be okay, and I'll rebound from this. This is not something I can talk about freely without getting myself in tears that's why I chose to write it here, just to be written (and read by people that don't have to tell me to "be patient"). I hope by doing this, I won't have a breakdown at my family reunion in the future.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="66da5cb7cd16ea5bbca23d403e9e4b92" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I know I'm infertile, and I should not think it's a taboo thing to admit; the only way I can learn to love myself is to learn to accept one of my flaws—I have many flaws, but this is the one that I struggle the most on a daily basis. Please don't tell me to be patient, pray, or have stronger faith in God, or whatever BS is out there. For once, I'm allowed to feel what I feel without the need to be told what I already know. After all, I just needed to get it out of my chest and not get a pep talk I didn't want.</span></p><p data-p-id="ff1d5050603ef20fd92b2ebe7a0fe119" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Lucky for me, I got my husband. It's as hard for him as it is for me, and I'm grateful for the fact that he's still around to hold my hand for every treatment I've gone through so far.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">This is my most personal post so far, I hope it inspires you to be grateful if you're one of the lucky ones I mentioned above, and I hope it can also be a reminder not to ask the silly question to anyone... because we never know the struggle people went through and how a simple silly question could trigger the emotional plug they've put on for so long.</span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">One day I'll share the journey I mentioned above here, but this is it for now. Till next time, see you when I see you.</span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">edit:</span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I've completed my infertility story and compiled them all into "inconvenient truth" titles. Click on these pictures for easier access to read them all.</span></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/06/inconvenient-truth-part-2.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="577" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLFhj_4F5tDYY_52l0bHtwGS5UI2dsGF9yXbyFC_VG5J6XizNMhV5t2QcM-8W2TxvHs9gpggtDzJZXw7F7SH-2sYnaHFz0-loguiExDoN0UVggQMRZgBsj7w6_7ML0DyMgiyOm8pz-gFqJv8o9I0O5n-d4V69OwXj-68UrbLzXE3fxQdCnpUW6Rp3Z/w186-h200/21.png" width="186" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small; text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/06/inconvenient-truth-part-2.html">Inconvenient truth part 2</a></span></div><p></p><p data-p-id="0670172a7f717a9114ef8bece2e7819d" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-part-3.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="749" data-original-width="769" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWYN_rF8-DxYzfnPDCwoaO900l4LvgSs5kAClwYlwRVs1RnMEe4lOoPqDJi0uOPOGQciK-6S8DVSJeWIWTBIhxB84_LVIboemnDZ4-6J6Z8SpOTh62_NggGJDHakNvMfEyBjwtDQnf7baPEY_T9Iyb7AjYvOxIyQ1Hp_60UDw9lkwYeOkQggOSSdHA/w200-h195/26.png" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small; text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-part-3.html">Inconvenient truth part 3</a></span></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-recap.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="325" data-original-width="295" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga0ftllwaFh7Ybo9KMeM8sHawVppOSxVKJHidMQQPtbx2S6OdCSx39J2M3AIYQm1QiLDmcrt7qQLmadvzDlkTXvC1ioeVBOfr7AHCRaggqzKbolX211adDd432R_CTVOSJVXiL9NDtsITc6OPJbv_rXIk59Vfh9RYcM4LvY8dM-Pa2V3DadRaxN0Hg/w181-h200/28.png" width="181" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: verdana; font-size: small; text-align: left;"><a href="http://littlebambooroom.blogspot.com/2021/05/inconvenient-truth-recap.html">inconvenient truth recap</a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://www.figma.com/proto/Hg299XFu5EDji79qhrhLbo/storytelling?node-id=73%3A1775&scaling=scale-down&page-id=0%3A1&starting-point-node-id=73%3A1775&show-proto-sidebar=1">return to Figma</a></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-78624041567194919432021-02-03T17:13:00.007+07:002021-06-20T17:45:55.789+07:00WOW, HELLO AGAIN!<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">It took me a very long time to access this blogger account again. Why?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">First of all, clearly the lack of time I got into blogging. Not that I stopped writing, oh, I still write. Believe me, I wrote 14 finished novels in the past (and some still on going) during my 6 years of absence. In fact, writing has become my therapy in years! But I think all of my energy were channeled through that and I sort of forgotten this place.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">My next reason would be because the level of seriousness of my job. The company I work with has an 'unwritten' rules about how the employee should carry themselves on public and social media (especially when we are reflecting the company's values). That's why I became a silent reader on my FB account, I don't actively use my Twitter, and I rarely post on IG unless it's something 'safe' to share. So i really can't rant that much anymore, can't I? But I think, as long as I'm not talking about my work (or the company i work with) here, all will be fine.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">The third and the most important reason is... I've been wanting to write in this blog for few years, BUT I'VE FORGOTTEN MY ACCESS! I was so persistent thinking "This is the email I used to sign in! Why can't I access this account?!" well, years gone by and finally I gathered up enough will to actually search for troubleshooting. Turned out, I was wrong the whole time! The email I used for this account was the email that puts a cringe on my face (you know, the email where you mashed up your name and your idol together into the most embarrassing email account? The email you shove under the rug and wish no colleagues of yours would find out?! Hahaha!), but yes, that's the email and i'm glad that i'm able to finally log into this old account.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Honestly, there is one other thing that made me feel like writing again in this blog. This blog was only seen by my friends in college. Most of us don't do blogging anymore but sometimes I still go around their old blog to see if there's any updates or anything. Because of the reason I mentioned, it is safe to say that the traffic to this blog is suuuuper low, and that's why I think I can feel safe using this as a place to think out loud. Because no one will read it and even if someone reads it, there's a chance only my old friends that'd knew my blog.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Lastly, this is my lame way to reach out to those said friends (just in case they still check this account--which i'm 98% sure they're not). I haven't really been in touch with those friends. It's my fault. I was the one that always find it hard to spare my time to meet them, and now i'm paying the price of endless loneliness. If you're my friend and you feel like I abandoned you or neglected you in the past, i'm sorry. I never meant it that way, and i'm sure you never meant to forget me also. Somehow life goes on and we rarely cross path anymore, and I knew I hadn't try my best to reach out, but at the same time I really don't know where to start without making things awkward. So I just want you guys to know that... I wish you all well, and I want you all to know that sometimes--when I feel very lonely--i'd think back to our old days; and the memories always warm my heart like a cup of hot coffee.</span></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-61780317081516423582015-10-29T09:31:00.000+07:002015-10-29T09:31:04.858+07:00PensieveOne of the thing i want to have if a geenie comes out of a bottle is a pensieve (aside from anywhere door that belongs to Doraemon). I don't feel like pouring my heart and thought to this blog anymore maybe because i feel like the more i grow up, the more i have to keep things on my own. Honestly, easier said than done.<br />
<br />
So there are times when i'm alone at my home and suddenly tears just rushing down. The tears came out of nowhere and cannot be stopped. I used to do this "self-talk" to solve any kind of my worries. I figured this is my way to put myself outside my own perspective and try to see it from another point of view. Lately i tried recalling this method but failed.<br />
<br />
Sometimes i feel like maybe i need help to deal with myself, however i've seen people dealing with themselves and my case was nothing compare to their burden, therefore i thought i was just being a cry baby.<br />
<br />
So i don't have a pensieve, and i cannot talk to anyone because i don't even know where to start. But if i can pack and simplify my thoughts: the feeling of being detached from something you call your family, the ones you grow up with, the ones that you can always turn to in any occasion, is hell. To wake up one day, going together as a family then going apart at the end of the day is weird. Having to live day by day just to count down the next day i'll see them is agonizing. What hurt the most is departing from the lifestyle i used to and still be in it just to see it from aside, from what i used to call 'an outsider point of view'. Now i am the outsider too.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-51446563902624798482015-10-05T08:21:00.000+07:002015-10-05T08:21:15.942+07:00WTF INDOVISION?!<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Untuk posting kali ini, saya akan menggunakan bahasa Indonesia, dengan harapan lebih mudah dimengerti dan dicari kata kuncinya. jadi saya akan bercerita tentang kehidupan saya dan provider televisi saya, yaitu Indovision.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">sebelum ke pembahasan Indovision, biar saya beri prolog dulu ya.. selama ini saya adalah pelanggan setia dari First Media. tapi setelah menikah, jujur saja jumlah tagihan dari FM ini terlalu jauh dari dari target kami, sehingga untuk sementara (dengan sangat bersedih hati, karena saya akui internet dari FM adalah yang terbaik sejauh ini dibandingkan saingan-saingannya) harus putus hubungan dulu. mudah-mudahan setelah lebih <i>settle</i>, kami bisa berlangganan lagi.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">nah, setelah putus hubungan dari FM, kami memutuskan untuk menggunakan internet dari provider HP masing-masing. kemudian untuk TV Cable, kami pilih indovision. sebenarnya banyak yang mewanti-wanti saya <b>"aduuuhh gausah pake Indovision lah, sampah."</b>, <b>"Ih, lo nggak punya option lain apa? Indovision tuh bermasalah mulu." "Yakin lo mau pake Indovision? liatin aja, bentar juga lo pengen berenti. mati muluu."</b> dan lain sebagainya.. tapiiii.. karena selama saya ngekos di Bandung, ibu kos saya pakai Indovision dan daya sudah terlalu kepincut dengan channel BBC Knowledge (Top Gear terutama) jadi saya tetap ngotot pakai Indovision.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">ketika mau langganan, masalah mulai muncul. sebelum unit dipasang, ada tim yang harus survey menyocokkan data dulu via telepon, nah ketika daftar, dibilangnya "nanti ditelpon ya bu, diangkat ya.. supaya cepat terpasang." jadilah saya dan suami saya menanti telpon Indovison seperti orang kurang kerjaan. ajaibnya, mereka memang menelpon kami, tapi baru sekali dering langsung mati. besok hari terulang kembali. sampai tiga kali. akhirnya kami jadi gelisah juga dan menelpon costumer care di 500 900. disini saya di-ping-pong sana-sini. heran deh, mau berlangganan saja repot banget. singkat cerita, 3 hari kemudian setelah di-ping-pong, seminggu setelah daftar, setelah puluhan telpon dan kunjungan survey rumah, akhirnya terpasanglah si Indovison ini di rumah kami. kesimpulan saya: <i><b>Indovison sengaja menelpon dengan sekali dering hingga tidak sempat diangkat, agar tim survey mereka bisa melakukan verivikasi langsung ke rumah-rumah. (yaelah, kalau memang mau verivikasi ke rumah, bilang aja langsung kaliiii.. gausah nyuruh orang melototin HP 3 hari berturut-turut).</b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">setelah berlangganan, jalan 3 minggu tiba-tiba layanan kami mati. ada tulisan <b>"layan ini di block (4)"</b> saya telpon lagi nih 500 900, ternyataaaaa ada data saya yang kurang, yaitu email. cara Indovision mengambil data itu adalah dengan mematikan TV saya sehingga saya telpon mereka. <b><i>(kan data saya untuk nomor HP ada di mereka ya? kenapa nggak langsung hubungin aja sih? harus banget bikin costumer tidak nyaman.)</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">klimaks saya benar-benar <i>considering</i> untuk putus dari indovision <i>(Setelah setahunnanti, yang artinya saya masih punya 11 bulan dengan gondok--kontrak bok! setahun nggak boleh putus, pacaran aja ngga segitunya perasaan)</i> adalah ketika channel BBC Knowledge diubah menjadi BBC Earth. masalahnya adalah, BBC Knowledge ini lah yang membuat saya mau berlangganan Indovision walaupun teman-teman saya sudah memperingatkan untuk menggunakan provider lain. eeehhhh... diganti. hilang sudah tayangan Top Gear kesayangan saya. saya telpon lagi nih 500 900. yang angkat namanya mas B*nt*ng. yaaaa.. doi BT kali ya disuruh kerja hari Sabtu malem (saya Sabtu kerja juga kok, mas, <i>i know the feeling</i>) jawabnya udah jutek-jutek gimanaaa gitu nih si mas ini. saya tanya tayangan BBC Knowledge kemana? katanya dari providernya sudah diganti. saya tanya lagi, harus langganan khusus kah? karena kalau harus, saya rela kok. jawabannya tetap sama, dengan nada jutek dan kurang bersahabat tentunya.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">so, dear Indovison, kalau saya mau nonton acara yang berhubungan dengan alam, binatang, dan sejenisnya, saya akan ke NatGeo Wild atau Animal Planet, karena mereka menawarkan program sejenis, walaupun dengan presenter yang berbeda.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> program BBC Earth pun diselipkan oleh BBC Knowledge di setiap hari Kamis kok.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> tapi Bang Goes The Theory, Top Gear, James May program, Crash Course, dan acara-acara mendidik dan menghibur ini hanya didapatkan dari BBC Knowledge. saya cek pagi ini, ternyata ada beberapa user Indovision yang juga menanyakan perihal program-program di Channel 200. untuk provider sekelas Indovision, tolong lah, costumer servicenya ditraining, dan diperjelas semua prosedur pendaftarannya. kalian toh lebih tua dibandingkan provider-provider lain, tapi kenapa kalian lebih tidak profesional?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-4483592791769298092015-10-01T07:49:00.000+07:002015-10-05T07:51:21.511+07:00After A Very Long Hiatus<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">whoa.. it's been a very long time since i last visit this site. heck, i even kind of forgot my password and stuff.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">i think i was too busy doing nothing that in the end, little by little, i started to forget blogging and pay attention to other things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">update:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. i finished my master degree</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. i got a job as a lecturer in one of Jakarta's private university (this will bring soooo many stories, i don't even know where to begin)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3. i got married</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">so.. i hope i could be more consistent with my blog posting from now on. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-28448487953622969162014-04-09T10:20:00.003+07:002014-04-09T10:22:57.007+07:00first bazaar<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Arvka had our first bazaar ever. it located in the new cafe called Wijde Blik in Jl. Dayang Sumbi. honestly, i learned a lot from this event and of the most important lesson is not to do anything by the deadline! wow, i can't describe how chaotic it was the night before. we all gathered and help each other to complete the logo banner, the shopping bag, the decoration, and the one thing that was put behind to the last minute--the sleepy zoo pillow.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">the bazaar wasn't so crowded (i'm being polite here, truth is, i think 90% of the people that are here are just the crew that made the bazaar happen) but we managed to sold view things and apparently Deddy Mizwar, the vice governor of West Java came to initiate the event, therefore he shopped too. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">by the end of the night, we're all tired and bored but we got a little surprise, we won the best booth for the bazaar!! we also got a "gift" that we later use in L'atopiano. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcX8Y2y182LMuIzUtR7GtC8qFWmtmt7iTZu5Y_1yRmfF8S_N6_XyqM4F4RKgeb8i_sgVBT6TQxS0NDLtWTd9SReF-wWh0jFmLZjPGjIbQYZ3ZkodXJ36Zv5mnDOP4RupS-_tqhhHobmok/s1600/SAM_1813.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcX8Y2y182LMuIzUtR7GtC8qFWmtmt7iTZu5Y_1yRmfF8S_N6_XyqM4F4RKgeb8i_sgVBT6TQxS0NDLtWTd9SReF-wWh0jFmLZjPGjIbQYZ3ZkodXJ36Zv5mnDOP4RupS-_tqhhHobmok/s1600/SAM_1813.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Me decorating what the guys already set up before</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5gLHBx1z1cVtSU7Q_gYTRJnUSSA0YVgV_igLHaR4BhJIa6xHDkEBiDEkZaT89A4tPDIAwiWfWItSKh0DwDePKzLp82E3vz371uZuyAa_qWX5QWq5IxefY5Jt19DILXELUHOwrVHakf_M/s1600/SAM_1841.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5gLHBx1z1cVtSU7Q_gYTRJnUSSA0YVgV_igLHaR4BhJIa6xHDkEBiDEkZaT89A4tPDIAwiWfWItSKh0DwDePKzLp82E3vz371uZuyAa_qWX5QWq5IxefY5Jt19DILXELUHOwrVHakf_M/s1600/SAM_1841.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">my sleepy zoo pillow. it's for sale, by the way (contact me if interested)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihba6W1FlqW80vQU914xuM4qje7VPv9SDWOJYUEoyVXaGaxVk_ahqNaVijVK-BFnXXNs3OpfO3LqZpTs_an-lV-Jog-g07XoB0UK4Ep1CJm_ktjqzQSJE1NA6IFjGzvwxjUh93HI6HJzM/s1600/SAM_1865.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihba6W1FlqW80vQU914xuM4qje7VPv9SDWOJYUEoyVXaGaxVk_ahqNaVijVK-BFnXXNs3OpfO3LqZpTs_an-lV-Jog-g07XoB0UK4Ep1CJm_ktjqzQSJE1NA6IFjGzvwxjUh93HI6HJzM/s1600/SAM_1865.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">with the vice governor of West Java that shopped in out booth</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ozWIfQzx-QHIc0Fhi25Cwm7_XTqDtDQWfl8GsJtWq1dSvDrYVhE55rDW0_bLdR-rZn0EldjCnfD0axHGIbWiUEJKKKpTsqq3Rr6D0ceOS5yvPP4mJ9pOshpdRm2nGSs5dMHRrR3coSI/s1600/SAM_1874.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ozWIfQzx-QHIc0Fhi25Cwm7_XTqDtDQWfl8GsJtWq1dSvDrYVhE55rDW0_bLdR-rZn0EldjCnfD0axHGIbWiUEJKKKpTsqq3Rr6D0ceOS5yvPP4mJ9pOshpdRm2nGSs5dMHRrR3coSI/s1600/SAM_1874.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">ARVKA full team!!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYIWwSbR6Sk-Gu0W-hwBcYFX8ni6BPqonEzzuwDKRHSf1tHKb1fUcV9ICXJDC-OdYMTh8fzap4XO8mfYHNJvDq9DBPYafWdua8cyoumS2CIh0aVR0I0by4pqXYJZHLp1VMxN49uGkhZSU/s1600/SAM_1900.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYIWwSbR6Sk-Gu0W-hwBcYFX8ni6BPqonEzzuwDKRHSf1tHKb1fUcV9ICXJDC-OdYMTh8fzap4XO8mfYHNJvDq9DBPYafWdua8cyoumS2CIh0aVR0I0by4pqXYJZHLp1VMxN49uGkhZSU/s1600/SAM_1900.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">we got a trophy for winning the best booth </span></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-25221451080991168022014-03-25T08:27:00.000+07:002014-03-25T08:38:40.738+07:00Amazing Adrenalin Rush<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So it's been a while since i share anything. i'm busy!! yes, finally i can say that i'm busy and the adjective really reflects on it's literal meaning. these days I've been juggling some stuff:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbFHOE7sRlwUjt0a3BSSmKi8ZGcDMi46mXEj0ymKviVxWAIkUcauhqzt41G2xZeH1qYDJ9FKwQzsX7rbdQzOjXkO4bd1chx3ufM4ZbgTlWyGOHVUAQZ3FiWncE2XMDkwmm-_84nA3wXVM/s1600/SAM_0560.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbFHOE7sRlwUjt0a3BSSmKi8ZGcDMi46mXEj0ymKviVxWAIkUcauhqzt41G2xZeH1qYDJ9FKwQzsX7rbdQzOjXkO4bd1chx3ufM4ZbgTlWyGOHVUAQZ3FiWncE2XMDkwmm-_84nA3wXVM/s1600/SAM_0560.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My Master Thesis</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">ha! if i could go back to 2011 when the 'Final Project' me was whining about how hard it was to get all the data, i will slap my own head and say "i'ts nothing compare to what you'll be doing in your 2014 Master Thesis"! to get the Theme of your project was easy, the topic was the real challenge. i'm lucky to get two nice counselors and i wont whine about them because they're so awesome, but these awesomeness is exactly what makes their opinion really matters to me. i only want to show them the best, ergo i have to work twice as hard. for my thesis, i have weekly schedule to play with the preschoolers in Temasek International School in Bandung. they're wonderful!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO3IS3hhyLPbabU0IdZuOQb-Upmr83PtNG_4UVUMOrXoQw3bLjChAf-sRRj8tSA5xk2T2TG-Q_jC3W-O1C6Ulj4kejNny_btApqumyvQ4y6u-K7Gd0hUUH7TiokKZPfukRFgUghHGpK80/s1600/arvka.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Arvka</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">i shared about the "drunken ideas" earlier in this blog and this idea finally became reality. so my friends and i has been working on this project for quite a while now. it took a few months and a bit of little misunderstanding to finally got us here. the seven of us are the founder of <a href="http://www.arvka.com/" target="_blank">ARVKA STUDIO</a> and later this month i will also share not just our workplace that i've linked, but also our playground in a blog form. oh oh, we also have shop! which will be revealed later on.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir-RckvCrGPhnOpU_biMM2Lnnl_ZQ9VLQ9fC2avuxFuC5ylHjxGwOVHmACPYhvdpwB7dJV_pB-KlrEbK12U59Tlr1H0_fos4zIBHi1KocGNvwPF7lfgHsWayXZsLTX-nPBXL5guEEZfGs/s1600/IMG_4311.JPG" height="320" width="212" /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sihobit</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">this is my own studio. the good thing about having friends that has the same drive as you but with different kind of ideas and creativity is this, motivate you to work as hard as they are! i've always been scared to start this Sihobit because i don't have enough confident and drive to get me out of my comfort zone. but time is running out and i don't want to be a sloth anymore. so i started experimenting, meet a lot of 'tukang' to help me produce the first series of Sihobit products.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Assistant Lecturing</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">this doesn't take much time, buuuutttt i got a schedule on Friday morning, which is hell! i spent all my college year to change classes that took place on Friday, and here i am now assisting on Friday. this affect me on my 'going home ' time. i refused to come back to Jakarta if i only have 2 days to spent at home, because it's a waste of the transport money and a waste of my time (traffic on Friday is always unbelievable).</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">well, those things above creates this adrenalin rush for me and i'm so exited and scared at the same time. this time i'm not taking a baby step anymore, it has to be a big steady step. these what make life so exiting, isn't it?</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-629587339233751662014-01-18T14:50:00.003+07:002014-01-18T14:50:56.114+07:00don't! just don't.<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">when your best friend has some troubles with their life, you have two polite options:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">listen or make he/she feels better by telling a related bad story you have or others that you've heard that is similar. don't counter their misery by telling your success story bragging that you've never encountered such problem (or ANY problem at all) because your life always going smoothly according to your plan. who are you kidding? everybody got their problem, it's too cliche to say "all is well" every time.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i admit i'm jealous. i'm in a phase where the only words to describe is "let's just do this and see how it turns out" while my best friend seemed to always had it figured out. i know he has his own problems too, and (sue me) if i'd feel better if he share it with me, instead of showing his superman ego and always said "my life is wonderful, as always." i don't know if my selfishness has gone up too high or i'm just a normal human being that's too honest. truth is, i'm too <i>gondok</i> to see him right now, and not sure if i can fake a smile if i see him these days.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i talked about it to Ayu and she got a right phrase to describe it: <i><b>don't sprinkle salt over my wounds</b></i></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-10054077826273361492013-12-03T10:20:00.000+07:002013-12-03T10:21:11.633+07:00after effect of being half-drunk<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">we had a night out last week but apparently not with a lot of money to spent on the alcohol. so we each drew 100.000 IDR (about 10 USD) and bought whatever drinks we could get. my friends are hardcore drinker--we all are--and that much money weren't enough to get us to the level we "wanted".</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">as usual, every time we drink we would talk about life, love life and anything revolve around it. but this time we talk about future, job consequences, how the real world is really just waiting around the corner to grab us by the throat. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">we went home feeling half-drunk, and slept.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">now the consequences after that night, we each woke up the next morning felt like shit. no, not that we had hangover, but felt like shit about our life. we didn't spent the next day together but apparently each of us had the same facial expression--empty. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the good part was, that feeling drove us into some kind of the motivation we needed for a kick-start in our lives. and we discussed it sober last night. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and we shall see where this would take the six of us. </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-10774845975153949572013-11-26T13:01:00.000+07:002013-11-27T13:01:41.429+07:00priorities.sometimes it got mixed up.<br />
if only people could appreciate others priorities.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-40432907417580537992013-11-20T12:59:00.000+07:002013-11-27T12:59:48.749+07:00a little getaway.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">we've been planning to go to Floating Market in Lembang for a while, and since some of us are available (read: nggak puny kegiatan) finally we're able to leave Bandung for a while. tomorrow is also Yasmin's birthday so this "trip" was also her celebration.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Ipd1EGtqKhsBnXbCfpH_lZD6XrnYRUcbHJLjE67kaShyphenhyphenKW5vr_p2ISQFnBJzlUazSrqe-j0k_VZfpxSBHdfqXQio2wSeecmnvbui5efn7mdl3-F0d4EQpZddYZACgHbYPd6axb2wuV4/s1600/SAM_0566_Fotor_20131121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Ipd1EGtqKhsBnXbCfpH_lZD6XrnYRUcbHJLjE67kaShyphenhyphenKW5vr_p2ISQFnBJzlUazSrqe-j0k_VZfpxSBHdfqXQio2wSeecmnvbui5efn7mdl3-F0d4EQpZddYZACgHbYPd6axb2wuV4/s320/SAM_0566_Fotor_20131121.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-RMgjPia4v2M6oqSmcmQNv1svUIyOLy6cPJWwyAzqXHyx294CdwyRaulp5HXdu8wvuSi_vcRbOB6ITefYvagTnD54U7WUDDVXy2QZsK7UQ63TbLW5hKnSgnzu15tis5235pZ9OTjC6U/s1600/SAM_0595_Fotor_20131121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-RMgjPia4v2M6oqSmcmQNv1svUIyOLy6cPJWwyAzqXHyx294CdwyRaulp5HXdu8wvuSi_vcRbOB6ITefYvagTnD54U7WUDDVXy2QZsK7UQ63TbLW5hKnSgnzu15tis5235pZ9OTjC6U/s320/SAM_0595_Fotor_20131121.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZIRB3zfSZQrWIJgyRZvYRQH4f_E2aF93KgHrIoy0WWUKj69PG06q-TDQIC6azgOfDUmlAJZ9KDWBfQUxm_zQzWF6p0sbQXac7ZVIU2zBHDbTQnfve9t2-AUjr8jGwNMEH6_zd5V37LdY/s1600/SAM_0599_Fotor_20131121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZIRB3zfSZQrWIJgyRZvYRQH4f_E2aF93KgHrIoy0WWUKj69PG06q-TDQIC6azgOfDUmlAJZ9KDWBfQUxm_zQzWF6p0sbQXac7ZVIU2zBHDbTQnfve9t2-AUjr8jGwNMEH6_zd5V37LdY/s320/SAM_0599_Fotor_20131121.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn6dzLLKz0gvZoYC1i_TMZ2gBVJYG7C0_YK5KojKk44cfkkNBXyRvOiEG7OsU6RI-LiDLi4sP5EAHryS4ZTHunBhfT3MWZFMXBwz00afnNm12V3um6dRfd1Smz5FlgGkTiQD-hzx6QF-0/s1600/SAM_0602_Fotor_20131121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn6dzLLKz0gvZoYC1i_TMZ2gBVJYG7C0_YK5KojKk44cfkkNBXyRvOiEG7OsU6RI-LiDLi4sP5EAHryS4ZTHunBhfT3MWZFMXBwz00afnNm12V3um6dRfd1Smz5FlgGkTiQD-hzx6QF-0/s320/SAM_0602_Fotor_20131121.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXFw1ZUxE1N9ke7I930NnGHfxYeR_ylFZ0pL2kMhFO4Piv3fgz_FQVlWXg1XoObU09QiF5pIKP856gBVUIz7YXSxu7WZ5QOCQI1Pg-tSlSpqG43mjcHWprJusX9ss_7W3fqUiOFLinono/s1600/SAM_0610_Fotor_20131121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXFw1ZUxE1N9ke7I930NnGHfxYeR_ylFZ0pL2kMhFO4Piv3fgz_FQVlWXg1XoObU09QiF5pIKP856gBVUIz7YXSxu7WZ5QOCQI1Pg-tSlSpqG43mjcHWprJusX9ss_7W3fqUiOFLinono/s320/SAM_0610_Fotor_20131121.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSvtKby4J2e9MaabrUQIHw59rbQrPyH6I2ZTN2eHtl0t5P5_nU9e1dHwbiNZ2XH29S5dsTPYepNGs3b75fFD6fMH4EvMm-GMOTar-HgpKBKjCnHdmeH5tTXrPYIkN9n0B9Bp8dpIlKA8Q/s1600/SAM_0689_Fotor_20131121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSvtKby4J2e9MaabrUQIHw59rbQrPyH6I2ZTN2eHtl0t5P5_nU9e1dHwbiNZ2XH29S5dsTPYepNGs3b75fFD6fMH4EvMm-GMOTar-HgpKBKjCnHdmeH5tTXrPYIkN9n0B9Bp8dpIlKA8Q/s320/SAM_0689_Fotor_20131121.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPHp2upn0LrwVXhSeil-OwQOS6yjATBBC52-CWDWnpXnQDDEIDohSTKGgGC_C74wgM6R9LLNqdJeM8jk2E71HK8H-ZhEnNb9SOM8Sst_7Zy-joXZrPbdXhnI1EeN_mQrDMxhWWt0Gh7bE/s1600/SAM_0697_Fotor_20131121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPHp2upn0LrwVXhSeil-OwQOS6yjATBBC52-CWDWnpXnQDDEIDohSTKGgGC_C74wgM6R9LLNqdJeM8jk2E71HK8H-ZhEnNb9SOM8Sst_7Zy-joXZrPbdXhnI1EeN_mQrDMxhWWt0Gh7bE/s320/SAM_0697_Fotor_20131121.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-16936113192803447562013-11-05T10:32:00.001+07:002013-11-05T10:32:58.492+07:00Drunk words, sober thoughts.thank you for postponing the scary world i have to face for now.<br />
thank you for this spark you've put back in my heart.<br />
thank you for these people you sent me.<br />
thank you for my family.<br />
thank you for my life.<br />
<br />
thank you, God AlmightyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-917172322616020962013-10-18T13:08:00.001+07:002013-10-18T13:23:30.956+07:00Analogy<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"You only get by. It's like you're charging in a different voltage. It'll be charged for a while but the battery will be broken when the time comes."</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Just imagine you're running in a zombie movie... And you're running with a satchel on your shoulder. It might contains food to help you survive, but the dead weight might slow you down. in the end you'll become a zombie too. My advise...loose the dead weight if its not worth your life."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">as always, Adnan always has the best way to describe things.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-24462863559090784872013-09-25T10:45:00.002+07:002013-09-25T10:47:46.142+07:00Getting old is overrated.<div style="text-align: justify;">
lately i've been busy with some seminar stuff that i have to attend. frankly even though i didn't spent all of my time preparing it, i still lock myself in my dorm room just to "get busy". this cost me not meeting my friends too often. and i haven;t seen all of them in about two or three weeks.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
last Monday i got a shock. somebody was actually dismissed themselves from the rest of us. without reason. i chuckled to this because i witness how they tried to hide and took a detour to get to classes just so they won't see us face-to-face. little birdie told us that they avoid us because they're offended and decided just to canceled all their classes so they don't have to see us. mind you, the classes took us 8.5 million rupiah and they want to cancel all those without the money being returned just to AVOID certain people that made them uncomfortable. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
i personally just want to bang their door and ask straightly "do you have a personal problem with me? because believe me, i haven't seen you in three weeks and you treated my like shit all the sudden." but with these people, confrontation only would bring a catastrophe. so i realized no matter how old you are, if you think you're this little kid who need attention, you'll always be that kid that trapped in that big body. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-88834248133037848032013-09-15T10:51:00.000+07:002013-10-18T14:35:08.638+07:00Bye Bye Youth<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigxvDLk08gzySf-LGnd1s2_3pfNqqroZRzEyRwzJhr-XJd4MTDCz8Jk5oyy7-mb01d1lkYacQ02xNmAdRvRrCuDhp5rxAtTcCneQfFXWQwJ5RFrQa4IkLxN6ZMGCUBvhyphenhyphen6NGDseiVU7cE/s640/blogger-image-666322338.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigxvDLk08gzySf-LGnd1s2_3pfNqqroZRzEyRwzJhr-XJd4MTDCz8Jk5oyy7-mb01d1lkYacQ02xNmAdRvRrCuDhp5rxAtTcCneQfFXWQwJ5RFrQa4IkLxN6ZMGCUBvhyphenhyphen6NGDseiVU7cE/s320/blogger-image-666322338.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-2MNxbrOkS3CNLwslk385N31TNbqsxUBy1dRzR0YI01kIP2G7vtXK3wxIhCfK2SpFa3FMOHZhAvLl7e9HbRx7qbjNOXmaYMMl7BWqnyewbAQhyLbc7I-k-2CSbmhZdwtFQJv7g6yMpOw/s640/blogger-image--365783019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-2MNxbrOkS3CNLwslk385N31TNbqsxUBy1dRzR0YI01kIP2G7vtXK3wxIhCfK2SpFa3FMOHZhAvLl7e9HbRx7qbjNOXmaYMMl7BWqnyewbAQhyLbc7I-k-2CSbmhZdwtFQJv7g6yMpOw/s320/blogger-image--365783019.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my best friend's getting married!! and honestly, i'm happy for him because he married one awesome lady (the one that got my true blessing). wedding picture will come later.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to Adnan and Mila,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
although you two look so tense in the "vow" part, it's passed and we can have the wedding party soon.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Have a long and happy life together, mate!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-37851856437336436442013-08-18T13:21:00.000+07:002013-10-18T13:22:29.167+07:00The wound still leaves scar<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">She was there when all life seems to be so pure for them, </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">lived the days as children and show the world how invincible they were. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">Add age and distance to the love birds, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">simply to make each meeting became important and priceless. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">One meeting and one wrong turn, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">without knowing what they had done their mistake conceived. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Years gone by and the love still lingers. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Something addictive that keeps him coming back for more. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All other options seems so fake and silly compare to the one he has set his eyes on. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The girl he hurt long time ago. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The one that turn his life upside down and yet the only one that kept him going. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She belongs to another man now, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">he's only a second too late to ask forgiveness. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Not she doesn't want to forgive, she tried but failed to ignore the deepest scar he ever tore on her.</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-21095334735945487752013-08-13T13:19:00.000+07:002013-10-18T13:21:04.927+07:00When the world became scarier<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">She called me and ask to meet up, </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">the excitement of seeing my best friend filled the next view days. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">Over coffee she casually said she'd starts her life with the man of her dream. </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">One thing missing though, her best man blessing. </span><br />
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118);">
<div style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The next day i met her perfect man, </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">as if a huge mirror stood in between i could see why she choose him. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">He's everything she ever wanted and needed, whilst her best man here is just an average guy to get by.</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.294118); line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here i am, handing her the ring for her to slip to her man's finger. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I manage to let a smile escape. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For one moment, sincerely, i really am happy for her.</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-85954052521122616552013-07-24T16:04:00.000+07:002013-07-24T16:04:18.307+07:00i know, it's way too lateall my friends who are watching Korean dramas or Korean Variety show in general always reccomend me to watch running man. i tried to find the videos in YouTube but it's always cut, and i don't like watching anything not from the very beginning and incomplete.<br />
<br />
long story short, in order to help me to get through the holidays and also my plan during Ramadhan, i decided on watching Korean dramas. The first drama i watch since Secret Garden is Innocent Man. (i watch several other dramas but they don't impress me that much so i ended up watching only two episodes)<br />
<br />
The story line is quite predictable, but what i love about this drama are the actors. moreover, Song Joong Ki. today i found a website hosts a bunch of Asian drama with HD quality (<a href="http://gooddrama.net/">gooddrama.net</a>) and found running man. since i'm curious, i might as well watch it. And there he is, Song Joong Ki! so to Boy and Dian who's been recommend me multiple times about this variety show, thank you~~~ :DUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-72169235838742220972013-07-15T12:46:00.000+07:002013-07-15T12:46:13.522+07:00Back from hiatus?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6SxXGG2xB5dN4iOs4Ks0Et_XcTr-_eDzP9_aCBF481rNmr4cFUW-C4Q6Df8yc5XDocoyyrRFXiXEkyXTQbFaeXPRbrqlYf9ctkR4U6KSrfRv5bDhyphenhyphenBjwcgjjMoF7drlaz6IGCqb6zv5c/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-15+at+12.41.10+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6SxXGG2xB5dN4iOs4Ks0Et_XcTr-_eDzP9_aCBF481rNmr4cFUW-C4Q6Df8yc5XDocoyyrRFXiXEkyXTQbFaeXPRbrqlYf9ctkR4U6KSrfRv5bDhyphenhyphenBjwcgjjMoF7drlaz6IGCqb6zv5c/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-15+at+12.41.10+PM.png" width="346" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">she posted this, and it's true every one she tagged hasn't update their blogs in a long time. including me. actually i'm developing my other travel blog that's been settled from January. doesn't mean i'm leaving this blog. truth is, i don't really have much to tell about my life lately. so, when the blog is ready, i'll use this blog to promote it, until then.. :)</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-38133158071564510952013-06-25T13:35:00.000+07:002013-12-03T13:36:28.063+07:00Beijing, June 25th 2013<div style="text-align: justify;">
we went to Ikea--as always--and got lost on the way back. this is one thing i need to learn in my next trip anywhere, just because it's a two way street, doesn't mean the same bus would go in the two directions. and the worst place to get lost is China. every time i tried to google map our way, my browser always got neglected. i tried to find a way to use the Chinese browser, and it's in Chinese--duh! and i cannot make sense of any of the symbols in it. finally i used the last mode i know, ask people.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
to ask in English, i needed to find somebody around my age, because they probably know a little words. i asked a couple about the bus to take us to the nearest metro station by pointing out the map i had. he said--in body language and stuttered English--<i>"just follow me, i want to get there too"</i>. thank god, <b>my faith in Chinese people attitude restored </b>(after the shitty attitude i got on my first day).</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
we followed him and apparently, he got lost also! we took a wrong bus, but this guy tried to find our way back to the right track. in the middle of our "journey" the rain decided to fall. i covered my mom's head with the plastic bag i carried, and this guy just gave his umbrella to my mom. again, faith restored!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
in the end we got into the right bus and got into the station we needed to. i couldn't thank him more for his help. thank you very much nice guy in a black shirt! may you have a long and happiness live ahead of you~~</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
our hotel located in Wangfujing area, which according to the travel book was one of the strategic place to stay. we strolled around and surprised because we didn't have any urge to shop! that's unusual for us. so we just souvenir shopping and bought ourselves Peking Duck as dinner.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTorzc7TbJFa5MJCwYF0FsW1a937QegWTuNifMtN25CkKzayMYEw-0Xl1lH_T4bGatnFL1Q5W-uM-qzT9EvqeccmA0tMOqBqYiuHbrTGVPQR_qR7CPhLj1tDOJH-SuNQzOD7vPFpLuFYA/s1600/SAM_0889.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTorzc7TbJFa5MJCwYF0FsW1a937QegWTuNifMtN25CkKzayMYEw-0Xl1lH_T4bGatnFL1Q5W-uM-qzT9EvqeccmA0tMOqBqYiuHbrTGVPQR_qR7CPhLj1tDOJH-SuNQzOD7vPFpLuFYA/s320/SAM_0889.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVMlJT5RM0LzQyGYrDgOyaGj8Y_-YHMQf5kr10hK1x-6OY_5K80l2-urw2vk-7fa-wBz26JY0tItAfHG6B1MM5i0FOdWRbzP3iwAmqxXNyvcO10lxSB2gydIEryG152jWZS90iYGbRCoA/s1600/SAM_0877.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVMlJT5RM0LzQyGYrDgOyaGj8Y_-YHMQf5kr10hK1x-6OY_5K80l2-urw2vk-7fa-wBz26JY0tItAfHG6B1MM5i0FOdWRbzP3iwAmqxXNyvcO10lxSB2gydIEryG152jWZS90iYGbRCoA/s200/SAM_0877.JPG" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Ed_zFnhIXi6ZWRWZWMQNPOZrUy7xUw_Hx0U7IX5Haq7FFzaZFFRlR4oWYqIh7w6mF5ZvNP3mMSKQ8Ag0q61vK2XN0MC7wErwYegG9bhA6WE3k9sfe_iRi0vsfswQlh9a_pP2Vh_Vo9I/s1600/SAM_0882.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Ed_zFnhIXi6ZWRWZWMQNPOZrUy7xUw_Hx0U7IX5Haq7FFzaZFFRlR4oWYqIh7w6mF5ZvNP3mMSKQ8Ag0q61vK2XN0MC7wErwYegG9bhA6WE3k9sfe_iRi0vsfswQlh9a_pP2Vh_Vo9I/s200/SAM_0882.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaMvVWIskg6nM4Ld974rcXXNuwIsp3RIcR8A8XasnY86GE-Sgl10cuy2Ya3xaJ5BG8ELz6HBa153YWNRnMWHRya7accELtVhh_bywP-LhyphenhyphenEEMUZvw5LWaTNhKLLWYYxBBb6aABR_mnR70/s1600/SAM_0886.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaMvVWIskg6nM4Ld974rcXXNuwIsp3RIcR8A8XasnY86GE-Sgl10cuy2Ya3xaJ5BG8ELz6HBa153YWNRnMWHRya7accELtVhh_bywP-LhyphenhyphenEEMUZvw5LWaTNhKLLWYYxBBb6aABR_mnR70/s320/SAM_0886.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-16553782151250486182013-06-24T12:32:00.000+07:002013-12-03T12:32:31.637+07:00Beijing, June 24th 2013today we were planning to visit The Great Wall, one of the "thing to see before i die list." since it's located 2 hours away from the city, we chose the safest way we know to got there, tour. this is the first time we ever tried to be on a tour, and my review about this tour is.... it's great. it's nice to be explained about stuff from the guide in English and we just had to sit and enjoy the views without feeling we're being scammed.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
The streets of Beijing in the morning rush hour. Felt like i was in Grogol</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7VjRyhzlr4QAeN9Of-9gdCh_6H1Rq6amW71AbwHh9ehhyphenhyphendAVEQx3fUwjE1f-DzBhOE7vrJaosXQJQgWdqklr9tVBqnHhQPKzCEZuN354Fx5S2chCRSDSDXTCWTO9SVDLMYJ1fy56YXZE/s1600/SAM_0736.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7VjRyhzlr4QAeN9Of-9gdCh_6H1Rq6amW71AbwHh9ehhyphenhyphendAVEQx3fUwjE1f-DzBhOE7vrJaosXQJQgWdqklr9tVBqnHhQPKzCEZuN354Fx5S2chCRSDSDXTCWTO9SVDLMYJ1fy56YXZE/s320/SAM_0736.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
The first stop was Summer Palace. this ten times more beautiful than the forbidden city.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFjBzNmB7Dv9ovpUx-xDS0pLDQsf_ZsvCilgC3pd6O6-UbKVomOVBVphzhLKqwsRrbvIxMZl-MQ3JfyngE-YNCNhSLl4L62xlWlQFuz827pgFLtutKSYEyLsltHtg-2uNx8OQg45FrzZg/s1600/SAM_0786_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFjBzNmB7Dv9ovpUx-xDS0pLDQsf_ZsvCilgC3pd6O6-UbKVomOVBVphzhLKqwsRrbvIxMZl-MQ3JfyngE-YNCNhSLl4L62xlWlQFuz827pgFLtutKSYEyLsltHtg-2uNx8OQg45FrzZg/s320/SAM_0786_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq7EY4rigfDG3YLz_FfLYO1seJGuUAaNetICbdS3oFvUyY9l7vBgUZgYa1I92T94ep-RFyGGlKJ2ujoClRiDxL5V38OrByaiVz2w2g0gxwM_Syx68iY6PTGeUXHZSnIlRonYIB0B7mTGs/s1600/SAM_0763_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq7EY4rigfDG3YLz_FfLYO1seJGuUAaNetICbdS3oFvUyY9l7vBgUZgYa1I92T94ep-RFyGGlKJ2ujoClRiDxL5V38OrByaiVz2w2g0gxwM_Syx68iY6PTGeUXHZSnIlRonYIB0B7mTGs/s320/SAM_0763_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhf42ilAS1lyhwlGSuqCM3bGiSl118fEKtKsoqvzp6fXoc7kc3SsWqCEbMjDxxs0vIUw3ygvOIBwWKGsEuDwUwh3rA1slb1OH9jcW14YxMBa3Z9JZUel88i_x4zv4Ic0mnN5CQ-rxOPg/s1600/DSC_0874_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhf42ilAS1lyhwlGSuqCM3bGiSl118fEKtKsoqvzp6fXoc7kc3SsWqCEbMjDxxs0vIUw3ygvOIBwWKGsEuDwUwh3rA1slb1OH9jcW14YxMBa3Z9JZUel88i_x4zv4Ic0mnN5CQ-rxOPg/s320/DSC_0874_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
then the main attraction, The Great Wall of China</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrkKO-Qkav9fkpqznB0pxdat7Kmk99l_ZuBLGRAyFqhNDILzMY39vLo5PXriCr0zQt9KqniiYgBnms1_wa0wefoe7m2l4t6t88fd5swQ4RYQFjtcyVnuQWTcrSbBKHHPixmpl7gDt93CE/s1600/DSC_0926_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrkKO-Qkav9fkpqznB0pxdat7Kmk99l_ZuBLGRAyFqhNDILzMY39vLo5PXriCr0zQt9KqniiYgBnms1_wa0wefoe7m2l4t6t88fd5swQ4RYQFjtcyVnuQWTcrSbBKHHPixmpl7gDt93CE/s320/DSC_0926_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1hC7Xd2FIew0FakxfUHvwehyphenhyphen1pJj5Wej6sr8HZX9VhPGiQOQFjWihyphenhyphenJTh3HbZSpb-zb12Ir669smVVqOJ2nPcFNjB_I72vRNIW8cvY-rOxNx7m7MCmSBMbn1ktIDpQZNsIsPdhPkrtDM/s1600/DSC_1019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1hC7Xd2FIew0FakxfUHvwehyphenhyphen1pJj5Wej6sr8HZX9VhPGiQOQFjWihyphenhyphenJTh3HbZSpb-zb12Ir669smVVqOJ2nPcFNjB_I72vRNIW8cvY-rOxNx7m7MCmSBMbn1ktIDpQZNsIsPdhPkrtDM/s320/DSC_1019.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaSP2lKQuKRKnec9OD0n71izL0K6XqVRmq_BoZvLRQiAWCRTLiPqmyycX2iNdpNOnzXO8Rw6SouNaFwyKncGJwE6kcDAbDYxpdJDZYmcdju7_XiP8XFwNx4tfg_yooT0ZNW01bX748o9E/s1600/DSC_1066.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaSP2lKQuKRKnec9OD0n71izL0K6XqVRmq_BoZvLRQiAWCRTLiPqmyycX2iNdpNOnzXO8Rw6SouNaFwyKncGJwE6kcDAbDYxpdJDZYmcdju7_XiP8XFwNx4tfg_yooT0ZNW01bX748o9E/s320/DSC_1066.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4252426528053339541.post-18727431281297692882013-06-23T12:10:00.000+07:002013-09-25T12:13:37.359+07:00Beijing, June 23rd 2013<div style="text-align: justify;">
my bucket list fulfilled one by one. i really want to see The Forbidden City located in beijing at least once my my life. Apparently once is enough for me.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
once i arrived in this city, i knew that the language barrier would be hell but i came prepared, i printed out some useful and everyday words i got from a downloaded travel book and hoped this would be enough to get me from one point to another.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
my first impression of this city, it's almost the same like Jakarta--especially the pecinan part such as Taman Angrek and Kelapa Gading. the only difference was the fact they already got their subway system that allows traveler to travel easily.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
do i like China? maybe it's too early to judge but hey! first impression is everything, right? i like Beijing as a city, but i loathe the people. i grew up in a country where they put women first (i'm NOT a feminist, but even during the war or when Titanic was sinking the words we herd all the time was "save the woman and children first" so yeah, it's shocking) i went to Beijing with my Mom and little brother. we got on the bust to get to Temple of Heaven which located near our hotel. as we waited for the bus, there're several men in uniform that looked like army uniform also waiting for the same bus. once the bus arrived we got on it and it's already packed so we stood. along the journey, some passengers got off. my mom, who had a knee surgery and always a bit limping when she walks since then approached the empty seat located right next to her. what happened next? one of the men in uniform came from the back of the bus, spread his arm and pushed my mom aside in a horrible manner then sit on the very seat. i mean come on!! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
the city itself was awesome, all the heritage and stuff they preserved (or UNESCO preserved) was a great sight and pleasure. but honestly, the first meeting with those men earlier really put us in a bad mood.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh04cIYIMdZ2Oe03T91_CB54sOAEj52iJF6oAkOi9WrImvVdOnoQBxU542tSKfKh764Pb2OQSJdg-Ij0nYXXGu0osWRz1ALU-R-sQS4u8A9XOktjEH5xClOYQDY-HVPEAPIliT_sYNq3HY/s1600/DSC_0582_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh04cIYIMdZ2Oe03T91_CB54sOAEj52iJF6oAkOi9WrImvVdOnoQBxU542tSKfKh764Pb2OQSJdg-Ij0nYXXGu0osWRz1ALU-R-sQS4u8A9XOktjEH5xClOYQDY-HVPEAPIliT_sYNq3HY/s200/DSC_0582_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzvKcN7y7GwLPn7SZSHOhIGnDQGczo89GWFAnCdSbQrG5cwVTkoKkclLC1Wgv-NYR-Zfo5gUqu_8XtHWl37FPi24NJqBavywkPqB01S80y-8VZrHfbGwvSM0dNW-99VVlMEUYOe_PbFjw/s1600/DSC_0659_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzvKcN7y7GwLPn7SZSHOhIGnDQGczo89GWFAnCdSbQrG5cwVTkoKkclLC1Wgv-NYR-Zfo5gUqu_8XtHWl37FPi24NJqBavywkPqB01S80y-8VZrHfbGwvSM0dNW-99VVlMEUYOe_PbFjw/s200/DSC_0659_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglIs76YgZ2L8srXo632GqaV2Om5B-uXdCO3WcAwav1ArXqKDHhGJlVQ8Q3A0hm3l5XdVbGw0Hk_Ci6YnowCz8e8p4aprrvLqZ7aMNmew0CJGkkGtz3XEd7w0wYJCVR45JNEHMcsDEnkZs/s1600/DSC_0633_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglIs76YgZ2L8srXo632GqaV2Om5B-uXdCO3WcAwav1ArXqKDHhGJlVQ8Q3A0hm3l5XdVbGw0Hk_Ci6YnowCz8e8p4aprrvLqZ7aMNmew0CJGkkGtz3XEd7w0wYJCVR45JNEHMcsDEnkZs/s320/DSC_0633_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="319" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvpMW-BTn35wn7D93pXO40XaCYDP1IO2yS_FDDk6LyrU4GNGli38UriqZIIHLR-MyY1zaT6DESqXXdPNuVVKPGY4jupXlJ-KV1oNx-XroQlKChjQ0s_rSfZH67-uspO_0Ycxev8gI1T6I/s1600/DSC_0669_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvpMW-BTn35wn7D93pXO40XaCYDP1IO2yS_FDDk6LyrU4GNGli38UriqZIIHLR-MyY1zaT6DESqXXdPNuVVKPGY4jupXlJ-KV1oNx-XroQlKChjQ0s_rSfZH67-uspO_0Ycxev8gI1T6I/s320/DSC_0669_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRVsXqQOQTUqdjzKsW3VRNBrGCkaK9GVj89qUOtLeGYHF1tK2oJu4qBElKyc5ZF_OUbnmrNRAe0aeAiNQvQFR_kbNeEehTIrZccRpv9Gc2uoAUvnSHjW8KtDZWeGxwx8B1OEZyRaQAgHY/s1600/DSC_0722_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRVsXqQOQTUqdjzKsW3VRNBrGCkaK9GVj89qUOtLeGYHF1tK2oJu4qBElKyc5ZF_OUbnmrNRAe0aeAiNQvQFR_kbNeEehTIrZccRpv9Gc2uoAUvnSHjW8KtDZWeGxwx8B1OEZyRaQAgHY/s320/DSC_0722_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2_Jc40McCqYdkXBjDmxNNTjBmNpCtHXlkPX1jEkkhodGY2xn2i9F0Wfdx13l2u-ze28a6rBPnGGl66Kf3tW_MQy80hoTgS51Xjq-Z3mbmFIePKbvByegYBDCB0VNGzrKG9lWQK3bWCA/s1600/DSC_0780_Fotor_20130627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2_Jc40McCqYdkXBjDmxNNTjBmNpCtHXlkPX1jEkkhodGY2xn2i9F0Wfdx13l2u-ze28a6rBPnGGl66Kf3tW_MQy80hoTgS51Xjq-Z3mbmFIePKbvByegYBDCB0VNGzrKG9lWQK3bWCA/s320/DSC_0780_Fotor_20130627.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1