just because

you had it all figured out, doesn't mean you can judge me when i'm trying to clean up my mess! i know i didn't judge you when you were in my shoes not so long ago. what happen with support, huh? if you can't support, then shut up!!

i know my weakness already without your help of pointing them all out.

currently reading:

the most touching of all is of course the Pak Harto one. i read another book that tells anything about his bad regime--and i think it's been a talk in this country as well--and now to have him described by his closest people and read about another side of him was kinda nice. i agree with some people in this book that said "we all remember him when he went down in 1998, but we forgot that despite all his judgement he also helped to unify this country as one and helped it grow from a coloniliezed country into a growing country. we also forgot how strong our country was when he sat on the throne, no one wanted to mess with Indonesia at that time, because they all scared of him."


a simple phone call

Led to a huge slap-on-the-face revelation. I know why i haven't lift my butt and give my all, that's because i have no competition, i have no pressure, and no deadline. But thnaks to my bestfriend, he made me realize my weakness and drag me back on track. I'll run as fast as i can to compete you now. I'll try to get there too.

Oh, and a simple judgement from him also help "this is not your behaviour. You're not usually this helpless."

Thank you.. Thank you.. Thank you..



"sure the future is scary, but you cannot stay in the past just because it's familiar"

-Some dialogue from 'how i met you mother'


Real life, baby!

i woke up this morning from a bad dream. apparently i was in this "reunion" and those who are in it aren't just my college friends, but also my high school friends. i greeted everybody and did a little chit chat. when they asked what I've been doing lately i told them i just got back from a trip, then i asked them the same question. and this was where the nightmare started.

some has gotten married. one i remembered already got a child with his wife. i saw a group of my friends dressed up in office outfits looking professional. one of then was a lawyer. many of them just got their master degrees.

this scene happened in a huge ball room and i don't know why in that very ballroom, there's a mall! and those people i mention above shopped till they dropped simply because they have the ability to buy new expensive stuff with the money they earned.

to make it even worse, the 'unmentionable' also came to my dream and talked to me. he still looked like he used to. messy, dirty, annoying. and he's the only one there without the fancy suit. the only one without the great job title. the one without any further degree. without any good money to spend on anything but food. he's the only one reflected 'me' in my dream.

i woke up to that.

now i get cranky, trying to find something to do. my friend texted me about a program related to her job. another friend of mine texted me about an opening for a job. (just as i awoken). dear Lord, i need a week from this and i promise, I'll work my butt off again.


#50. Jakarta

i couldn't sleep on the plane because i'm too exited to go home. JAKARTA!! i'm home~~~ it's hot and dirty and has a lot of traffic but it's home and i love it!!!


#49. Schippol (going home after all)

Today i'm going home after 48 days spent in Europe. during this journey i learned a lot. and for sure i'd love to do this again if i get the chance, the time, and of course the fund. but like i said to a guy in the ticket desk yesterday, "ï'm done with Europe, next will be East Asia."

wish me a pleasant flight and a save ride home.. i miss Indonesia very much i'm very exited to go home at last.


#48. Schippol

i woke up at 6 in the morning so that i could catch a train on 7 o'clock. i managed to do that. when i got to Schipol it was only 8.30 and i'm sure i could see the station manager.

i was a bit late. he's already at the gate, but the good thing was he'll return to the desk.

i chatted with my dad's colleague about over weight and all kind of tipical chat you'll have with your dad's co-worker, but then he had to go to the gate to check the plane so i left alone.

this guy Michael, a desk keeper (he's a ctually being paid to get all the jobs before flight done) finally talk to me. he saw me the first day i was here, and he's wondering if i'm still here for the same reason.

i told him my luggage stuff and the reason why. he just laughed and confused why do people always asked someone coming from Netherlands to bring the cheese. he's around my age so it's easy to chatted with him. he asked me where's my next plan, and i said i'm done with Europe, i'll try something else.

anyways, despite the nice chat i still have to see this station manager guy, and after waited for two hours i finally got to see him. i gave him my dad's letter and he asked how much is my overweight. when i said 40 kilo he just scratch his head and said "waduh, kalo 10 kilo saya lolosin deh, tapi sekarang ini bukan keputusan saya lagi. ada bos baru disini, dan orangnya saklek. kamu temui beliau aja dulu, minta keputusan dari beliau."

so i went to the office to see this guy.

he's a bataknese, he's a huge scary guy, and yeah, he's absolutely not my favorite person. i got a nicer deal since he said "saya nggak bisa kasih free, tapi saya kasih setengah harga" and Veronica, the lady i met the other day was so curious with how my luggage end up.

i told her i got a half price, and this nice lady looked at me and tried to cheer me up saying "it's better than nothing." she also help me to booked my seat and made sure the people at the desk tomorrow will get the note saying i only pay half price. i like this lady very much!! she's very helpful and kind, and when she said she'll call back, she did call back.

i really miss home right now, i miss everything, i miss everyone. i can't wait for tomorrow.