okay, i don't know where to start, so i'll babbling out and we'll see if i can put it all together ..
it's a common sense of how much i hate him, and how much he used to be obsessed about me. seriously. he used to use these lousy reasons just to hang out with me, which on my part, i tried to give him a chance, because i've always wanted to have good relationships with my ex-bfs.
but then, i realized, every time he looked at me in the eye, he stared at me as if he wanted to eat me alive, and i have to honest, that was soooo uncomfortable.
now, some people asked: "why do you hate him?"
and it's only fair if i explain. so here goes:
- i hate the way he controlled my life. he dragged me down to a bank to made a joint account together, and made me believe, that's what we needed.
- he made me believe i wanted to have a future with him.
- the way he pointed out how much children he wanted to have later, and made sure that if i only want two kids, i'll be lonely and never learned to share.
- i hate the way he never respect me (i'm too ashamed to explain this one)
- i hate the way he always put his friends on the highest rank. he pushed me to help him to made this birthday present for his best friend, i was sick that time, but he didn't care, all he wanted to know was the present should be ready before midnight.
- i hate the way he mock me with my cooking skill
- i hate the way he mock me with my (i remember his word) non-challanging projects.
- i hate the way he look down on me when i feel like crying when i bumped into something in my life.
- i hate the way he acted like he's always the mature one, the way he thought he knew that his decision was always the best
- i hate the way he tried to made me feel guilty if i wanted to eat in some fancy place just because he couldn't afford it.
- i hate the fact that he robbed me, 20 days a month to pay for his food. i couldn't save any money back in those days.
- i hate the fact he didn't really respect my parents.
- i hate that he didn't appreciate my present for his birthday, as if he's capable of paying me back in that particular area.
- i hate the fact he thought he could always calm me down only by staring at me with the "i know you, i love you, stop being a baby" look.
- i hate it that he forgotten my birthday. leave alone came to my house in the middle of the night. not even a present--not until now. (this is beyond my senses)
- I hate the way he said "you did nothing to help me." when he was too hectic about his final project.
- i hate the way he always been emotional for stuff that doesn't seem that big of a problem
- i hate the fact that his father didn't like me.
- i hate the fact he thought everything will be back the same again if he knocked on my door with blueberry cheese cake the day after the very tragedy.
- I hate him, for everything he was, he is, and anything that he will be.
it's not fair to blame it all on him, i had the biggest mistake here, and i know what mistake that was..
he's my rebound guy, and i just realized this problem after we went out for like a year.
i never loved him, but i tried to tell him that every time i got a chance to lied.
i didn't want a future with him, but i let him drag me there, just so we didn't have to have a long conversation.
i never sure about him. financially, mentally. just never.
and the biggest mistake was,
i didn't want to break up with him only because i think the time wasn't right, i didn't want to screw up with his final project and his future, because i don't think i want to be responsible for someone's future that i don't care about.
so, now i've told my reasons, my story.
this is the point where i'll pretend i never knew him.
because when i said things out loud, that means i admit stuff i only said to myself
now it's here, written, memorized, and being read.
and therefore i owe nothing to myself, not anymore.