my review (2010)

just like the last time, i will review what happened in this year instead of listing down some resolutions that i know i wont complete. these are the things that i remember or at least stuck slightly in my memories. here goes:

January

• spent the new year's eve alone back at home
• started my internship
• met Kun, an office mate and a great friend of mine
• last time i'll ever be able to "enjoy" product design studio

February

• still stuck with my internship
  
• got the annoying guy worked with my during my internship
  
• got a chance to skip work and went to Bandung for 3 days

March

• realized that my internship was actually being paid :D
• lost interest in one friend that was interested in me
• bought my sewing machine
• promised a guy to fuck off forever from his life, and decided my last word for him was "enjoy" (seriously, whenever i met him, i wouldn't even try to say a word. since i'm so committed to my promise)

April

• Watch a movie with boy at PLAZA BLOK M for the first and hopefully the last time
• visa application
• work just as suck as it's always been

May

• Got the worst score from my boss--BC for 5 months internship
• done with the internship, and soooooo happy. i learned a lot from this office, i kinda love it honestly.

June

• Holland
• London
• Paris
• my life's at its peak of luck and happiness. thank You, God.

July

• same old boring birthday as usual
• Singapore with boy without our moms
• Tendy got her bachelor degree at this point (i felt kinda sad at her graduation, the realization of not spending times the way we used to when we were just naive TPBs' kinda sad)

August

• starting point of my final assignment
• it's titled "development of flatpack furniture for small dwelling" (well, somewhere along those line. i just translated it and it sounds weird, but whatever)
• Got the best counselor--at least according to me
• SABINO
• Tendy last month in Bandung
• Met a Dutch guy and made friend with him

September

• first preview went very well
• lebaran holiday was boring as usual
• i watched "boys before flower" for the first time (as my good friend, Boi would say "welcome to the dark age")

October

• Colonized by korean stuff. started off with 비, ended up with 슈퍼 주니어.
• "pesantren" together with Tendy. we lived under the same roof for 10 days "learning" about this 비 religion together.
• pasar seni

November

• second preview was hell.
• lost my 'appetite' for my final project
• down.. down... down...
• Met a Korean guy at Jakarta

December

• started thinking about my health
• gained my spirit back
• gained my confidence back
• get my life back on track

for whatever it's worth

two years passed as time flies, her deepest mind secretly has been having this concern that's been dragging her down. it keeps her away and away from the so called happiness everybody promised her to find. for all she knows, she messed up, she's the mistake, she's the bad guy. one afternoon change her perspectives towards her new found fears. it comforts her in some way to know it wasn't her fault at all. it was them, not her. the realization that finally helped her to swallow the lump that's been stuck in her heart and mind. it probably will help her to move on in the end. for what it's worth, it proved her the warmth is still there if only she knows what to seek and what to cherish. One way to point out that two years of her struggle had been pointless, one huge slap-on-the-face just to figure out that she's still welcomed, she's still loved, she's still adorable, and she's worthy.

dear you, thank you. thank you so much, you made my day, my night and my year. :D

Stories To Get You Through The Night

This book is one of the book that i felt the urge of possessing once i read the title. In here there're some stories from old authors (it's a compilation of short stories). anyway, last night i opened it and read the part of "stories when everything goes wrong" i guess i supposed to take a moral lesson from it. after i read this, i feel like sharing some part that i think appropriate to my real life and some close friends' life lately. here goes..

Let’s not even start on those predictable but useless paths which lead to nowhere. If only I hadn’t smoke at fifteen, if only there hadn’t been that betrayal, if only I hadn’t spent so much time putting up with the insupportable—whyever did I think endurance was a virtue? Didn’t I want to stay alive? If only I hadn’t sipped wine, or drunk water from plastic bottles. If only I hadn’t gone jogging the day Chernobyl exploded. Oh, give it a rest! We live in the world as it is, we all have to breathe its contagious fogs. It’s wrong of them to claim it must somehow be our fault when our health is under attack.

We’re advised to build up an arsenal of elixirs if we want to strengthen our own resistance. We’re told we ought to call in light boxes, amulets, Echinacea drops and oily fish, we should fix on organic free-range grass-fed meat, Japanese green tea and a daily dose of turmeric. And if we’re really serious about protecting ourselves we must avoid dry-cleaners, getting fat, aluminium, insecticides; shun transfat as the devil’s food; forswear polystyrene cups. We’ve got to fight shy of white bread, a sedentary life-style, perfume and anger, if we truly want to save ourselves. And even if we tick off every item on the list there’s absolutely no guarantee that it’ll lengthen our span by a single day.

In my spell we are dreaming our way forward through the year into the green and white of May, and on into the deep green lily-ponds of June. The lushness of June, its new heat and subdued glitter of excitement at duck, its scent and beauty, particularly my Souvenir du Dr. Jamain and the thorny pink Eglantine beside the vegetable patch.

Everyone has their own private walled garden at night where they can prune their troubles and dream change into some sort of shape. That’s what I’m trying to say, a dream can be a transformer, as well as providing a margin or grassy bank where you can rest while the outside world goes on. Active dreaming, which is what I would prescribe, can be a powerful form of enchantment.

You’re not out of the woods yet, that’s clear; but a little while from now I want you to walk out of the woods and into the June garden. Leave the black bats hanging upside down; they’ll stay asleep. While we wait for summer, let’s choose to be patient and hopeful and soon, not really long from now at all, I aim to smile at you and say, Come in the garden, friend of my heart.

Charm for A Friend With A Lump – Helen Simpson

i need to watch this.

and i need to/have to get a life afterwards.

*the father's character squeezed my tears.

happy xmas.

*various sources.

mac.

i love it, it's user friendly and everything

unfortunately, it's not really friendly to me right now. i need autoCad! i need 3dmax!! and i don't have time to learn cinema 4D or solid works. and apparently, not everybody has the installer for autoCad for mac.

bobi... please work with me. pleeeeeaaaseeeeeeee

this explains

*i didn't get the link for its source

My update.

i recently focusing on some stuffs. and they are:

• technical drawing for my final project
• the report for the same shit
• 3D modeling for it as well
• and of course, MOCK -UP

yesterday a "friend" sent me a text message consists of--more or less--this "lit, the final drawing, technical, 3D and so on those supposed to be o n A1 papers right? and how many mock ups DID you made?? 2??" as if she's done with everything and ready to hand out everything to my--our--counselor  next monday. 

i'm not there yet actually. i do a little this and that every day, but don't worry i promised myself i won't make the same mistakes i made on my 2nd preview. this time i'm gonna be ready, not gonna look stupid, won't stuttered and i'll get enough sleep a week before the final preview (sidang). 

5 more weeks!! i think i have enough time to finish it all (trying to keep an optimist thoughts in my head)!!

Square 1

yeah. back to square one. that's the latest news on my final project. this is not a "sad" post, this is a happy post. finally i figured out the best way to straighten that shit. yeayyy~~~ it's true then, you have to let loose and think outside the box and out of order to achieve one good solution.

11 out of 21. that's what happened.

either

i'm in a bad mood or just finally being honest to myself.

i cannot accept that fact. i know i shouldn't be one selfish bitch that only thinks for herself but turned out, it bothers me (i'm human after all). i got nothing left to give or to feel, that's true. i can also accept the fact that life goes on in every one's story. our story has ended and it ended very well, we moved on our own ways and managed to catch up with each other every now and then for old time's sake. but since that day, the day that maybe will change the person you'll become for the next decades, i don't think i may count on you anymore. because that'll be rude. that'll be wrong. that'll be inappropriate.

so good friend, to sum up, i think i'll really gonna miss you. because i figure there'll be no more late night call, no more 'phone a friend', no mojito no more..

i'll try to be happy for you. wish me luck too will you?

without trying

to make it "about me", i just really miss my friends today. Ayu has got a job. Boy decided to stay in Jakarta by the end of the year. Panjang finally moved to Bali for his job.

it's just me and Akbar these days.. and we talked today about how our 'member of the tukang sate shirt' has gone one by one. no more karaoke together, no more ngejus, no morenyampah, no more lula. even if there is, it cannot happen altogether the same time with all of them.

i wish someday, in years to come we can still hang out the way we used to during our campus years. maybe they all grew up and i haven't, but seriously, tonight, i really miss them all.