aneh.

orang yang biasanya make sure gue selamat sampai tujuan
lebih milih gue terlantar di trotoar malem-malem
karena lima belas menitnya terlalu berharga
buat orang yang nggak tau apa-apa tentang masa depan

for now..

I'll let go my hope
then turn down my faith
for there's nothing more i can do
to help you to reach you dreams

renungan malam

agak aneh semua akhir-akhir ini..
yang biasanya gampang jadi susah..
yang biasanya tenang jadi gelisah..
semua menimbulkan pertanyaan..
pertanyaan yang menakutkan untuk dijawab..

setelah ngejalanin masa denial akhirnya harus dihadapin juga..
kalau ternyata rasa penyesalan itu nggak pernah hilang..
rasa itu cuman terkubur sementara, bukan selamanya..
sayangnya rasa itu yang ngerusak semuanya..
dan rasa itu justru menambah daftar pertanyaan yang mengerikan..

tapi pertanyaan itu nggak akan terjawab langsung sekarang..
karena jawabannya harus melalui proses..
hal terburuk dari proses adalah tidak ada pergerakan..
tapi hal terbaiknya adalah sebuah pencapaian..
sekarang tinggal lihat kedepan dan mulai jalan..

dan tentunya mulai menjawab..

dari ayu

hmm.. dari nenek ke ayu, sekarang ke gue..
10 hal tentang litya:

1. di mulai dari yang standart dulu. lahir di jakarta 8 juli 88. anak pertama dari dua bersaudara. keturunan sunda-jawa-menado-belanda. tk mini pak kasur, sdi harapan ibu, smp al-izhar, sma al-izhar, fsrd itb jurusan desain produk '06.
2. suka bgt sama CLAY AIKEN, dengan alasan yang beberapa diantarannya pernah dibahas. sukanya mulai dari kelas 1 sma, waktu itu dia masih di american idol. dan sampai detik ini, insyaallah update tentang dia gue masih tau, dan jelas nggak nolak kalo ada yang mao ngasih info tambahan.
3. nulis sama ngayal itu kerjaan rutin kayanya. cuman mungkin nulisnya udah ngak sesering dulu aja.
   
4. pengen bgt dapet kerja di IKEA. ya ampun, kalo sampe muka gue nongol di katalognya rasanya pengen ngajak tumpengan se-DP deh!!
5. sering ngomongin hal2 "serius" macem masa depan dan lain sebagainya dan selalu excited sekaligus takut untuk ngadepin itu.
6. oiya.. gue punya boneka jerapah kesayangan gue, namanya raffy.. dan saking cintanya gue sama si raffy ada mantan gue yang kayanya nganggep gue super freak dan autis karena ini *curhat colongan*
7. orangnya bosenan sangat!! dalam waktu satu jam gue bisa baca buku, trus nonton tv, trus ngerajut, trus bikin2 sesuatu yang nggak jelas dan kembali lagi ke baca buku cuma karena setiap kegiatan yang tadi gue sebut itu bisa nimbulin kebosanan buat gue hanya dalam waktu kurang dari sepuluh menit.
8. BENCI PERJALANAN-JAUH DARAT!!! sumpah ya, apalagi kalo macet. masyaallah.. faktor mabok darat diikuti dengan nggak tahan duduk lama2 trus ketahan nggak bisa ngapa2in dalam jarak dan waktu tertentu..
9. entah kenapa gue terobsesi sama lampu. kalo dikasih tugas APAPUN itu, pasti yang pertama gue pikirin lampu.
10. pengan belajar bahasa belanda. ada yang tau nggak dimana les bahasa belanda di bandung??

it's not gonna change anything

[COPY-PASTE FROM PEOPLE.COM]

WITH MY VERY OWN COMMENT AT THE BOTTOM--THE BROWN ONE

People Exclusive

Clay Aiken: I'm a Gay Dad

By David Caplan
Originally posted Wednesday September 24, 2008 07:00 AM EDT

Following the Aug. 8 birth of his son Parker, singer Clay Aiken is following through on a promise he made to himself as a new dad: to publicly acknowledge that he's gay.

"It was the first decision I made as a father," Aiken, 29, tells the upcoming issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday. "I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn't raised that way, and I'm not going to raise a child to do that."

Aiken says he expects the news may overwhelm some of his fans. "Whether it be having a child out of wedlock, or whether it be simply being a homosexual, it's going to be a lot," said Aiken, who returned to Broadway last week as Sir Robin in Monty Python's Spamalot.

He adds that he hopes his fans "know that I've never intended to lie to anybody at all. ... But if they leave, I don't want them to leave hating me."

How He Came Out to His Family

The born-again Christian singer also reveals how he told his mother Faye he's gay four years ago. After dropping off his younger brother Brett, who was being deployed to Iraq, at Camp Lejeune, "I started crying in the car," Aiken remembers. "It was dark. I was sitting there, thinking to myself. I don't know why I started thinking about it ... I just started bawling. She made me pull over the car and it just came out."

So what was his mom's reaction? "She started crying. She was obviously somewhat stunned. But she was very supportive and very comforting." Even now, Aiken admits, "She still struggles with things quite a bit, but she's come a long way."

As for his own child, Aiken tells PEOPLE that Parker – who was conceived via in vitro fertilization with his best friend, music producer Jaymes Foster – will be raised in an environment that is "accepting and allowing him to be happy."

Says Aiken: "I have no idea if he'll be gay or straight. It's not something I'll have anything to do with, or that he'll have anything to do with. It's already probably up inside the code there ... No matter what the situation you're in, if you're raised in a loving environment, that's the most important thing."

For the first photos of Parker and more of Clay's deeply candid interview about fatherhood, coming out, and his message for the Claymates, pick up the upcoming issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.



YEAAAA...
so what?? he's still one of the nicest person on earth..
he's being true to himself..
it's even harder on his side than ours to judge..
he struggled, but then he lost..
and one thing for sure,
it doesn't change anything..
i still admire him the way i was..
and more applause for you CLAYTON, to stand up and be who you are..