anxiety

i hate to get too emotional over a movie or a song. i mean that's the cheesiest way to get your life story related. although sometimes i do have to admit, when something gets really close to home, i just can't retain myself not to jump into the role. 

here's what's bugging me the most lately, a realization that all of the people that i've known for all my life are living their own life their ways. i appreciate all of their choices and seriously didn't write this to complain or anything. i just have this need to express this--well, i can't find any other suitable word--emptiness. we all grew up together, elementary school, middle school, high school, college. we all went to different places but no matter what, we step on the same path. but after college, we really are on our own. 

sometimes i wonder if getting more education is just a way for me to hide from all these--i bet some people think that way--but then i know that getting more education is actually the only way i can catch my dream. 

i need to learn to grow up and believe me, i'm still trying. my version of growing up is letting go all these weariness in my mind and let go, in that case i'm still struggling to do it. 

today, i have to say goodbye to one of my best friend. she's leaving this country to be with her husband after separating for almost a year (one of the big contribution to this weary feeling i have all day), and i know that she's sad because she had to leave her friends behind and her family that she's known for her lifetime to move on. to live her life. to live her future. i think it's a clicking time bomb until everyone i know actually do this. but when we finally do, i hope we can do it my friend's way--she had her time spared to say goodbye and reminiscing our silly life back then, she encourage us to remember. that's the only way to keep all the good times alive.

anyway, so long my friend. maybe you'll bring a little nice/nephew when you come back to this country again. :*