Getting old is overrated.

lately i've been busy with some seminar stuff that i have to attend. frankly even though i didn't spent all of my time preparing it, i still lock myself in my dorm room just to "get busy". this cost me not meeting my friends too often. and i haven;t seen all of them in about two or three weeks.

last Monday i got a shock. somebody was actually dismissed themselves from the rest of us. without reason. i chuckled to this because i witness how they tried to hide and took a detour to get to classes just so they won't see us face-to-face. little birdie told us that they avoid us because they're offended and decided just to canceled all their classes so they don't have to see us. mind you, the classes took us 8.5 million rupiah and they want to cancel all those without the money being returned just to AVOID certain people that made them uncomfortable. 

i personally just want to bang their door and ask straightly "do you have a personal problem with me? because believe me, i haven't seen you in three weeks and you treated my like shit all the sudden." but with these people, confrontation only would bring a catastrophe. so i realized no matter how old you are, if you think you're this little kid who need attention, you'll always be that kid that trapped in that big body. 

i just have to get it out of my system

and no racism intended. i myself is a moslem. 

but in the other hand, i'm only human and i do get annoyed over something that's over-exposed. there are other people too, who maybe aren't moslem. one thing that always annoyed me with most of moslem fanatics in this country. this is Indonesia people!! we're built on PANCASILA. there are 6 religions confirmed by the president. we're not a moslem-only country. stop humiliating yourself (and other normal moslem) with all the fanatic-anarchy-deeds you guys always seem too eager to get your hands on.

tukang.

i was in this class taught by the one and only Mr. D. Wiyancoko (i hate to say this but he is one of my favorite lecturer and one of the honest and smartest people i've met in my life) and one of my class mate asked this question when we were discussing about what is design and what's a designer? she asked "Sir, so with the designer out there without education and we are here in our master class, which one is the designer?"

DW : it's gonna hurt a little. they are. you're all not more than a bunch of design scholar. 

Her  : What if we work as a designer in a company?

DW : well, that means you are a worker that do the design job there, doesn't make you a designer.

(now i could see some of the people in my class moving uncomfortably in their sit trying to speak up for their title and career's sake.)

DW : okay, let me explain. when all you do are just waiting for a job to come, and work it, make it more beautiful, more useful according to what the client wants, you're not more than a tukang.  if you're only known for your best taste of choosing colors or so, you really need to work harder. unless you're doing that and also specialized in it. for example: you're specialized in any natural home product, so people will always recognize your name whenever they talk about natural home product. it's sad and hurtful, i know. but only few lucky design scholars that finally able to declare themselves as a real designer. 

well, designer (Scholar) mates. that's a slap on the face i guess, but i always personaly think that way. i always see a definition of a designer embodied in Phillipe Stark, Tom Dixon, Hella Jongerious. those who actually do something (even as annoyed as i am towards Joshua S. i have to admit that he is one of Indonesia's well known designer), not Mr. John Doe who works at a famous design company. i  hope someday i'll be a designer.

friends,

if one day one of us have a family of our own (read: new babies) i beg you, please don't post every single picture of them every damn day on any social networking media. it's just annoying. i understand if you want to share with the world of your new baby, one or two picts a month is okay (the baby will look slightly different within months i'm sure, but not ever day! 

i don't need (we all don't need) to get a preview of every inch of your little ones taken from all different angles when all the baby did was just "stare blankly at the camera" and the only 'spot the difference' was the clothing only. 

it's your first baby, or second, or third, i don't care. i'm sure when i become parent i will also do that for keep sakes, but i think it makes sense if you keep it private in your own file in your own PC. or print it out and make some albums, make a scrap book for your baby, that's more useful and meaningful for your babies when they grow up--seriously, instead of "look at mommy's facebook dear.. it got lots of your baby pictures", i'd rather have "here's a scrap book i made of you after you were born, keep it". 

so, to sum up: go ahead and share your baby picture to the world. just not every damn day. with the same stare. (it's almost like when all of the popular girls took picture with different backgrounds but same facial expression, and you made fun of it with your friends because it looked photoshopped. well, that's exactly how your baby looks like.)

shut down

when a great friend of yours (the one friend you always have as your back-up plan if things don't work out) called and asked you to accompany him to pick up an engagement ring, usually your normal reaction would be this:

laugh out loud because honestly, you're just very happy for the fact the he intended to stop fooling around and be faithful to one woman only--especially when you and that woman gets along very well.

think for a while after he hung-up and said to yourself "did that just happen?"

the rest is history--quarter life crisis. (mostly because now i must find another back-up plan)

for girls like me, in around my age, with almost similar background, maybe we received wedding invitation once a week. and i'd be lying if i say "no, we don't hear the clock ticking".

no, i'm not the "let's get married right now" kinda girl, in fact, there're lot of things i want to accomplish before i decide to settle down in the end. getting married before i'm 26 was never an option for me. well, i'm still that girl. only this time i got this question inside my head--especially since one of my friend who gotten married said 'go find someone, don't be picky or you'll just get some leftovers' which drew me so close to not talk to her ever again--do you guys(the young married couples) really had to make that kind of judgement?! if that happen to you so fast does that mean that there's something wrong with the rest of us?!! for fuck's sake, for some people that's never even an option and i see them living their free life happily. does that mean they ran out of "leftovers"?!

the term "think before you speak" really does gain a whole new meaning now, isn't it?

Let's put an end

to this shit that's been bugging me. what's wrong with the word "nyusul"?? anyone? just because it happens so fast in your life, doesn't mean those people (including me) that's not even close to walk down that aisle are picky. and of course we're okay. and no, we're not waiting for the 'left-overs'. so, thanks for nothing.

despite all the dramas in 3 days

I miss these..

my head hurts

Since last Thursday i was in Bandung. My head constantly hurting for lots of reason.

1. Meeting counselour for 'future talk'
2. Met a girl (or woman? Ahjumma??) and believed that tuhan suka becanda INDEED.
3. BAd mood+PMS
4. Graduations = 'hey, what are you doing now?? Where do you work?" conversations
5. Owwww myyyy goooddd. I don't know how to describe this one. Contributed a lot of headache at the moment
6. My close friend (close--nobody could seperate us during middle school-close) is getting engaged.
7. Sm*sh's on tv as i wait for my travel home

I need my blanket, raffy and gareth, friends dvd, wine, and laying down.

Real life, baby!

i woke up this morning from a bad dream. apparently i was in this "reunion" and those who are in it aren't just my college friends, but also my high school friends. i greeted everybody and did a little chit chat. when they asked what I've been doing lately i told them i just got back from a trip, then i asked them the same question. and this was where the nightmare started.

some has gotten married. one i remembered already got a child with his wife. i saw a group of my friends dressed up in office outfits looking professional. one of then was a lawyer. many of them just got their master degrees.

this scene happened in a huge ball room and i don't know why in that very ballroom, there's a mall! and those people i mention above shopped till they dropped simply because they have the ability to buy new expensive stuff with the money they earned.

to make it even worse, the 'unmentionable' also came to my dream and talked to me. he still looked like he used to. messy, dirty, annoying. and he's the only one there without the fancy suit. the only one without the great job title. the one without any further degree. without any good money to spend on anything but food. he's the only one reflected 'me' in my dream.

i woke up to that.

now i get cranky, trying to find something to do. my friend texted me about a program related to her job. another friend of mine texted me about an opening for a job. (just as i awoken). dear Lord, i need a week from this and i promise, I'll work my butt off again.

for your own sake, people!

an old saying "don't wait until tomorrow what you can do today" has a point! seriously. why???!!! why 80% of the people that's in my life are the exact opposite of this old saying.

a little tip from me, by doing what you can do today: you save yourself from getting stress out near deadlines, you save people for getting pissed at you for postponing everything (especially when the postponing not only affecting yourself but also another (read: me) that's already prepared, you get the clearer idea of what you should and can do.

i myself is a dead-liner. but dead-liner with limit. and by limit, that means not to postpone important stuff (dead or alive matter) until the very last minute or worse SECOND!

cisitu lama IX no.11

room 6 second floor.

good bye.. thanks for the last 2 and a half years, you had been something that i can call home. i must find another home now. because what i have at my house is not really a home compare to the atmosphere i got here.

so long Bandung. thanks for the 4 and half years. so far i cannot find a better city to live in in Indonesia.

special malaysia trip day 1

okay, i went to malaysia (the country i swore to never visit again due to bad memories) on a "special mission". and i'm sure you can get your own conclusion of what the mission is.

here're some notes that lingers in my memory that still make me mimisan verytime i remember it.

• Donghae Flown! as an opening act. he, by himself, the rest of the member did their normal entrance but turn out Mr. lee decided that he needed to fly.
• Donghae jumped out of happines like a little kid when they sang "no other" and the whole fans in the stadium raised up their little poster with one huge opink heart on it. if you don't get what i mean, you can watch it here.
• on their member introduction, Kyuhyun (i think he's avoiding of being judged about his english) just said--with stupid smile--"i'm kyuhyun."
• while Donghae, just shouted "woooooooo" "yeeaaaaahhh" "woooohhhhoooooooo" "wooooow" (i think he was smart here, instead of 'showing off' his dreadful English.)
• Kyuhyun was Pharaoh and he did the 'tina toon' neck dance.
• while Donghae was BRITISH guard. so much for coincidence.
• Siwon's a great chistian. a fan gave him a shirt with a huge yellow cross on it and he decide to put his mike on his pocket while he put on the shirt. and he wore that shirt until the end of the song.
• Henry's voice surprisingly good.
• Kyuhyun's WOW. i'm speechless.
• kyuhyun put 3 balls (the balls they throwed to fans as "souvenirs") in his pocket, then decided to personalized the ball by drawing on it with a marked he saved in his pocket.
• donghae took 2 Polaroid picture with one fan's camera. he took the first one and put it in his pocket and took another one for the fan.

while queuing

I was that close to the stage

well, just cause.

he flown.

he was that close to me. no zoom needed.

so does this man. no zoom needed.

boi, i couldn't get a decent picture because he stood on the back of the stage the whole time.

isn't he supposed to be onion instead of toge?!

okay, i actually wrote a lot on my journal but i cannot write it here. and i didn't take that much picture because i intended to watch them perform instead of watch them from my camera. i can watch the recorded version later. too much! ^^

Bar, Jang, Boi, Yu

miss you guys.. let's spare some time and hang out,, please... :'(

have no idea what happened to me

my head's killing me now. and the limited time and opportunities are killing me as well.

Panic Attack! (Massive one)

• I need my passport on March 19th
• i must wait for a post consists of Invitation letter from The Netherlands
• And then apply for bla bla bla that also take some time
• my passport will be hold in an embassy for approximately 14 work days
• according to this year calendar, the latest time i'm taking care of this is March 2nd or otherwise my passport wont be there by the 19th (if the progress happening according to plan)
• even if i try to take care of it after the 21st there'll be no enough time to make two visum so i really have to take care one of them before i leave for Malaysia

aaaaaaaarggggggggggggggggggggghhh!!!! why is it so hard for Indonesian to travel?!! and i really hate the fact that i have to depend on "post office" and "travel agent" for this matter. (but of course there's no way i can do it by myself) God, please help me.. help us.. pleaseeeee.... pleaseeeee.. pleeeeeeaasseeeeee...

*sorry, i just mumble here, i need to let it out in some way.

mom, dad,

if i grow up can i still slip within you two on the bed for comfort?

can i still call you when i hit rock bottom?

mom, will you still escort me around the town?

and will i still be your daddy's little girl?

i don't want to grow up..

i'm scared.

my review (2010)

just like the last time, i will review what happened in this year instead of listing down some resolutions that i know i wont complete. these are the things that i remember or at least stuck slightly in my memories. here goes:

January

• spent the new year's eve alone back at home
• started my internship
• met Kun, an office mate and a great friend of mine
• last time i'll ever be able to "enjoy" product design studio

February

• still stuck with my internship
  
• got the annoying guy worked with my during my internship
  
• got a chance to skip work and went to Bandung for 3 days

March

• realized that my internship was actually being paid :D
• lost interest in one friend that was interested in me
• bought my sewing machine
• promised a guy to fuck off forever from his life, and decided my last word for him was "enjoy" (seriously, whenever i met him, i wouldn't even try to say a word. since i'm so committed to my promise)

April

• Watch a movie with boy at PLAZA BLOK M for the first and hopefully the last time
• visa application
• work just as suck as it's always been

May

• Got the worst score from my boss--BC for 5 months internship
• done with the internship, and soooooo happy. i learned a lot from this office, i kinda love it honestly.

June

• Holland
• London
• Paris
• my life's at its peak of luck and happiness. thank You, God.

July

• same old boring birthday as usual
• Singapore with boy without our moms
• Tendy got her bachelor degree at this point (i felt kinda sad at her graduation, the realization of not spending times the way we used to when we were just naive TPBs' kinda sad)

August

• starting point of my final assignment
• it's titled "development of flatpack furniture for small dwelling" (well, somewhere along those line. i just translated it and it sounds weird, but whatever)
• Got the best counselor--at least according to me
• SABINO
• Tendy last month in Bandung
• Met a Dutch guy and made friend with him

September

• first preview went very well
• lebaran holiday was boring as usual
• i watched "boys before flower" for the first time (as my good friend, Boi would say "welcome to the dark age")

October

• Colonized by korean stuff. started off with 비, ended up with 슈퍼 주니어.
• "pesantren" together with Tendy. we lived under the same roof for 10 days "learning" about this 비 religion together.
• pasar seni

November

• second preview was hell.
• lost my 'appetite' for my final project
• down.. down... down...
• Met a Korean guy at Jakarta

December

• started thinking about my health
• gained my spirit back
• gained my confidence back
• get my life back on track

mac.

i love it, it's user friendly and everything

unfortunately, it's not really friendly to me right now. i need autoCad! i need 3dmax!! and i don't have time to learn cinema 4D or solid works. and apparently, not everybody has the installer for autoCad for mac.

bobi... please work with me. pleeeeeaaaseeeeeeee

11 out of 21. that's what happened.

either

i'm in a bad mood or just finally being honest to myself.

i cannot accept that fact. i know i shouldn't be one selfish bitch that only thinks for herself but turned out, it bothers me (i'm human after all). i got nothing left to give or to feel, that's true. i can also accept the fact that life goes on in every one's story. our story has ended and it ended very well, we moved on our own ways and managed to catch up with each other every now and then for old time's sake. but since that day, the day that maybe will change the person you'll become for the next decades, i don't think i may count on you anymore. because that'll be rude. that'll be wrong. that'll be inappropriate.

so good friend, to sum up, i think i'll really gonna miss you. because i figure there'll be no more late night call, no more 'phone a friend', no mojito no more..

i'll try to be happy for you. wish me luck too will you?